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My heart beats for love. I want to be different. I want to be who I am called to be. WORTHY and LOVED!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

What if we read our Bibles?

  As I was doing devotions this morning I read from the 12th chapter of 2 Corinthians, in which Paul writes about the "thorn" that was given to him to keep him humble. "Three times I appealed to the Lord about this that it would leave me, but he said to me 'My grace is sufficient fro you, for power is made perfect in weakness.' So I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."
  And as I read this I flashed back to the scene of the differently abled person being forced to the alter call on Sunday as well as a post I put up recently about the Disabled God. Why do we insist of trying to "heal" our thorns instead of using them to reflect the glory of God? Why do we try to make ourselves into God instead of embracing weaknesses as a sign of our fellow humanity with others? Oh Lord, forgive us for not recognizing the power of Christ in us or the beauty of others in all situations. 

Monday, June 29, 2009

The Trinity

   Sometimes I think Christians need to focus more on the Triune God - especially God and the Holy Spirit - instead of only talking about Jesus because he looked like them. Jesus is important but in the 3 in 1, 1 in 3 concept of the Trinity, he is equal with God and the Spirit. Now only if the church can think and act like such. 

Ableism - Yes, Again

   Every time the church I attended this weekend meets, they "open the doors of the church", which is their way of saying an alter call. There was a woman sitting next to my supervisor who is differently abled. I watched as someone forced her, pulled her and then led her, down front. The woman was agitated, looking around, and not knowing why she was there. She can't really talk so someone assumed that she should go down front.
  And it hurt my soul. Deeply. What gives us the right to make such large decisions for anyone? 

Make-Up

   Before the semester ended my roommates and I had a brief conversation about when we all started to wear make-up, based on the disturbing images of a children's pageant, where the little girls, looked their age from the neck down (sometimes, depending on what they were wearing), but from the neck up, they looked at least 20 years older. 
  I remembered that conversation yesterday in church. My supervisor and I were sitting on the edge of a row in church (and those of you who know me well, know why), when a woman and her two daughters came in around 30 minutes into the service and literally shoved us over in the row. Haha. I guess there's a first time for everything right? 
  The one daughter, about nine, was decked out in adult sunglasses that were too big for her face and had the adult attitude to go with it. The littler one, about five, was wearing a lot of make-up. When I was her age I had this brand of play make-up call Tinkerbell. It was a beautiful thing. You would literally have to apply the stuff for hours straight for it to really be noticeable. And I kept those same cosmetics until my mother made me replace them with "real" make-up in 8th grade, not that I ever wore much of the Tinkerbell or the real stuff. 
    But this little girl was covered in lipstick and mascara, making her look very provocative and older then she was. It made me reflect on the ideals that we are teaching our children, both little boys and little girls. When will we let kids be kids and in such a way that when they flirt with the adult world, such as playing dress up, that they know its just play. Children are losing their childhood, their time to grow, at an alarming rate, and I sometimes wonder if parents not only allow this to happen, but encourage it. Thoughts?

Death

   I'm sort of startled by the emphasis we put on certain individuals. While I do think that Michael Jackson made a huge impact on history, some of the other celebrates whose deaths have been in the news recently....
   Even if we just look at MJ, I'm not sure that he would want us to make such a big deal out of his death that we forget that apx. 22,000 people have died of AIDS just in the four days we have been fixated on his death. That's just AIDS. Are their lives not worth as much as his or the other people we've been concentrating on in the news?

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Blocking Blessings

  We are a fickle people. And I am a fickle person. When things don't go as I envisioned them going, it takes me a while before I recognize the blessing within. For example, this week has been ugly at points with Shalom. I wouldn't consider that a blessing. But just beneath the surface, I find that the trials make me more attuned to blessings when they come and more faithful to deep prayer and devotions. Nothing is without a blessing, if only we would take time to recognize them. 

Friday, June 26, 2009

Relationship

   When doing devotions today I was struck by the the statement Jesus made to his disciples before he was crucified: "It is good for you that I leave, because unless I leave, I cannot send my Spirit, who will lead you to full communion, to the full truth". How often are we like the disciples, wanting Jesus to stay, even if it prevents the Spirit from coming. We yearn to keep what we have, not wanting to risk giving it up for something better. We do this all the time with our relationships - we hang on to relationships that stun our spiritual growth even when God reassures us that if we just loosen our grip there is something better. We live in a culture that says "you don't realize what you have until its gone" but what we need to be hearing is look ahead, something better is coming. We can continue to keep people with us in our heart, without physically and mentally letting them drag us down. Honor that which is dead, but look forward to the promise of the Spirit. Is God calling you to let go or to hang out? Whatever the Divine, and the Divine alone, is promoting you to do, do it faithfully.

* I do realize that this is a funny post to follow my last one about memories. ;)

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Missing

   While I've only been in Texas for a few days, I already miss a lot:
- Grocery stores with lots of fresh produce and variety (I'll never complain about Jersey prices again)
- My well stocked kitchen - for those of you who don't know we have a large variety of kitchen tools and pans, all of which are kept clean. Here things have a thin layer of film and I don't even have a paring knife to chop up veggies. 
- My awesome roommate - although I've been missing her for long before arriving here
- My beautiful and loving friends and family
- And Melbourne - I miss the city that stole my heart. And the country that is driven by relationship and not solely product like in the US. I yearn to get back and visit my dear friends and to take new friends over to share with me the place and people I love so deeply. 

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Godspell

   Last weekend I went to see a local production of Godspell. For those of you who don't know, this is a musical that tells of the life and select parables of Jesus set in in NYC during the 60s. Jesus embodies what it means to be a hippie. This got me thinking - what if Jesus is best represented by a hippie? How would that make church people feel? Because in many ways Jesus embodies the 60s - teachings that few understand, teaches about life and love, and also teaches an anti-political and radical message. Can we still live out this message today? Or have we taken the hippie out of Jesus and replaced him with the sanitized business man? What have the ramifications been?

Sunday, June 21, 2009

  Last night during my prayers I was caught by the impact of the words I was praying. Normally, when I pray before a group of people I say "we pause before You today to..." but I don't want to pause before God, I want to dwell with the Divine, I want to dwell in a life of constant prayer. 

Saturday, June 20, 2009

The Disabled God

Nancy Eiseland has captured my heart and mind with her writings on the Disabled God. Her essential premise is that the Church (and society) have tried to "normalize" people of different abilities by ignoring them, attempting to heal them, or treating them poorly by neglecting their needs. Eiseland goes on to write that the Church is to embrace all people, especially people we call "disabled" because Jesus himself was disabled. When Christ returned to the disciples he came bearing the story of his death with the scars on his body. He had puncture marks, holes, that bore into his skin. By any stretch of the imagination, this is not perfection for the body. Yet, the Church all too often doesn't see people of different abilities as being able to contribute to the overall well being of the body of Christ.
This past week I have been struck by two different thoughts concerning what Eiseland writes. First, I have firmly come to believe that the people who are classified as "normal" (ie "whole physically, emotionally, and mentally) are not normal at all. They are actually not in the majority. In fact, most people will be in the category of disabled for at least a portion of their life. Further, those whom society deems "normal" are actually at a disadvantage. When people have to struggle for something, have faced alientation, and have fought with their body due to the dualistic nature of society, yet have emerged, they can more fully embrace themselves in the image of Christ. People with disabilities also connect on a deeper level, if given the chance to process, with the risen Christ, bearing the marks of alientation on the lonesome cross but arising victorious. When life comes easy to "normal" people, what story can they tell and what impact can they make? Especially if they are hiding under the gise of being "normal" when really they bear the image of the Disabled God somewhere physically, emotionally, or mentally.
Second, the Church has often claimed that when we get to Heaven we will be restored in new bodies. I have often heard people who are suffering on this earth that its okay because when they get to Heaven they will be able to walk, or have two arms, or be as smart as everyone else. I believe that this is a lie. We have extended the absence of sorrow to mean absence of struggle. And we think that anyone that doesn't look or think or learn or feel like us must be feeling a deep sense of sorrow. But what if they aren't? What if God created them as they are, fully in the Divine image, for a purpose? Would we want to be responsible for denying them their purpose? Some people long for healing in a rejuginitve way, and maybe they will get it in Heaven, but we shouldn't assume that is what Heaven is about - granting us our every wish and desire, just like we shouldn't assume that everyone who isn't like us is in need of or desires healing.

Oh God, please forgive our ignorance and inability to embrace everyone as a Child of the Living Lord. May we see with your eyes, reach with your hands, and hear with your ears. Banish from us the concepts of normal and disabled and replace it with 'important member of the body of Christ' where people are not judged on ability but simple presence. Amen.

Sensitive to Others

I have been struck several times this past week by the insensitivity towards others who are not like ourselves. All too often we assume that others are just like us, even if we know that they are not. Our intellect becomes warped by our emotions as we start to make decisions for others and assumptions about their experiences off of our own. Memories are meant to be shared with others, not to make them into cookie cutter versions of ourselves. This lack of sensitivity is extremely pervasive across cultures, the culture of the city vs. the rural, the culture of the rich vs. poor, the culture of the extrovert vs. the introvert. And of course from one culture to another. When are we going to wake up and embrace getting to know another from a fresh perspective? I can only hope that day comes sooner than later, before we attempt to harmonize people into a pile of mush (the melting pot perhaps?) instead of letting everyone fully live out their own culture.

Refelction on Honesty

Yesterday I went to the Chiropractor for a massage and an adjustment. The receptionist wasn't at the desk because she had a family obligation. Let's pause for a moment for me to tell you how great I think this woman is! She and I went to high school together and have a great professional relationship in the office. When life got really crazy last year with insurances she allowed a lot to slide until everything was fixed. And in the instances when I forget to give her a check, she just tells me to bring it in the next time. She is fantastic!
So she was gone and someone else who didn't understand the complexities of my insurance was working the desk and they tried to charge me $20 less then what I owed. So I corrected them, we found the error on my chart, and I paid the bill. The chiropractor (who was out at the desk at the time) and the woman were both very impressed that I was that honest even if it cost me $20 dollars. And that caused me to pause and think.
When did our society shift to becoming a place when people are shocked by honesty instead of taking it to be the norm? It seems like even in our churches we expect people to be deceptive. What a shame! When will we return to being a people who are true to our word, no matter what the cost? And what is it costing us in the long run, both individually and as a society, when we lie?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Friendships

   Today I realized how blessed I am to have certain beautiful people in my life. But this realization was wrapped in a horrible realization about some of my previous friendships that socked in my stomach. And now I have no idea what to do. What do I do? Do you stay in a friendship where you are hurt a lot? Or do you leave? Perhaps some relations bless us to give us strength for other ones? Please pray for me. 

Monday, June 8, 2009

Piece of the Pie

   I was reminded this past weekend that we are a society where everyone wants their own "piece of the pie" as my Uncle Mark would say. And when people get their piece they just can't let go - sharing the task. People become over protective of what is "theirs" fearing change. Fearing calibration. Fear. 

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Abortion and Ableism

A few days ago I pulled out a t-shirt at the bottom of my drawer to pack for one of my trips. The t-shirt reads "Hitler was wrong...every life is worthy of life." - Bob Lenz

Lenz is one of my favorite Christian speakers because most of the issues he is passionate about are dear to my heart. This shirt reminded me of a powerful message that Bob gave at Creation Fest a few years ago. He was speaking about how the Jews were not the only ones killed during the Holocaust. Some of the first people to be killed were the disabled. There was no hope for them. At the end of the message Bob brought out his sister who has down syndrome and asked if we affirmed that she was worthy of Life. 

I've written several times on how I believe that if Christians are for the right to life (ie against abortion) then they must also be against the death penalty. I still believe that. However, I want to add that if one is against abortion that one must also be against ableism. Far too often the Church and society as a whole mistreats people with disabilities, forcing them to be healed or ignoring them all together. When people are ignored they are told that they are not worthy of life. So may we job Bob Lenz in affirming ALL life, no matter what. 

UMC Ad Campaign

I promised Donna I would post this. It is inspired by a conversation that we've been having about the 20 million dollar ad campaign that the United Methodist Church started last year. 

Watch out where you get your info about the UMC from. Yes, the church is spending a large amount of money on advertising (if you can call it that - its more promotional materials) but it is NOT to attract people to the church, as some are claiming. The money was spent (notice - has already been spent) on a series of videos that were showed at annual conference (800+ across the US alone, I believe) to prompt people to rethink church. The videos are actually pretty great and are on the theme "Rethinking the Church" and encourage people to be the hands and feet of Christ to seekers by actually leaving the old structures of church and show examples of how to be church wherever you go. The rest of the money that wasn't used for production costs was actually used for the distribution of the videos at the annual conferences (for free) to the lay people as part of a vision tool kit to help bring the message and vision of rethinking church to each individual congregation. (so for my annual conference alone which is on the med. size that's 200+ videos). You can also order the video and brochures for free off of the UMC website. 

I wish that we would have had the same conversation that I talked about in Shalom vs. the Church post after watching these videos. It was neat to see the people around me, including the old men who were cited in my post as thinking church was about a building and numbers, catching the vision of the promotional materials in a way they never could have with just me (or the bishop or anyone else for that matter) talking about it. It was putting visual stimuli for renewal in the creed of the UMC church of "making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world". It also tied in perfectly with our annual conference's theme of Going to Galilee (other UMC Ac's what were your themes?) While some would still say that money shouldn't have been spent, seeing those men have a change in their thinking was well worth it in my eyes. 

And the videos for the campaign at:

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Thoughts on Annual Conference

I was going to break this up into three different posts, but after thinking about it further I decided that they all go together, at least in my mind. So try to follow me, friends.

Yesterday we were voting on social issues for the conference. One was about mental health awareness. A woman stood up to add an amendment for "mental retardation" Sunday. That didn't sit well with me, especially since I am currently reading Nouwen's book Adam and with my deep appreciation and admiration for Nancy Eiesland. So I made an amendment to the amendment to name the service for "differently abled". It's been interesting to see the reactions I've been getting to my amendment, which passed. Some people understood what I was advocating for, a removal of stigma. Others said that we should still recognize people as mental retards. Wow. That made me sick to my stomach. 

It also made me want to lead a workshop on ableism. I want to play a game where I give each person with a post it note describing a single characteristic such as "fat lips", "limp", "obese", etc. For the rest of the training the people only could be described by that characteristic, disregarding an gifts, talents, or other defining features they may have. I want to see how it makes people feel. I'd be interested to see how people react. 

I was told by one person that offense leads to legislation, thus we should always side on the side of the freedom of speech. But as children of God, we should never use freedom of speech to deny another child of God's worth or to box them in or define them in a way other then how God sees them. And freedom of speech does not mean that we accept what others say without responding, encouraging, or rebuking. 

All too often the church has become part of the political system of America. Politics comes from the greek word polis (πόλις) which can be translated body of citizens. Well, friends, I am part of a polis, but it is not America. It is the body of Christ, the city of God, the Kindom. The Kingdom. And in that polis, we have to tell people they are LOVED* and WORTHY and the BELOVED, beautiful and special to God and to me. What would our freedom of speech allow us to say then? How would we act? 

This polis requires that we rethink (what the entire annual conference has been about) who we are and what we are about. It means that we need to dismiss our old ways of doing things if they aren't in line with God. I think the polis of the annual conference need to rethink some areas where we are stuck in our old ways: Environmentalism and Ableism.

Environmental Issues - even though we are an A Rocha college committed to sustainability, Messiah, for annual conference, we create so much waste between plastic bags, excess printed paper, and poor recycling habits on top of the trash from coffee cup upon coffee cup. We need to start thinking about how be sustainable as we gather for the three days of Holy Conferencing as well as in our home churches. 

Ableism - how we treat people of different abilities. Are we treating EVERYONE as a child of God and see them as blessings to the community? Are we trying to heal people who aren't seeking healing because they make us uncomfortable? Are we using language that sets people apart in order to make us feel better about ourselves?Are all really welcomed in your church? All too often we think the ministry is over if we are accessible to wheelchairs, but still treat people poorly. No. It's time to rethink church in this conference. 

* When I was walking down the halls of Messiah, I noticed cards with the signature "You are LOVED!" after the name of the sender. It made me smile with deep joy!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Peter Pan and Wendy

Peter Pan Syndrome - the belief that one does not need to grow up, because of a fear of responsibility. Based off of the story of Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie centered in Neverland, the place where people did not need to grow up. People with Peter Pan syndrome (which primarily affects men) pity themselves whenever they become disappointed about anything. These men are often incapable of sharing emotions, and when they are not emotionally paralyzed then their emotions are exaggerated and out of control. These issues with emotions make it difficult to express love or care for others, as they refuse to share such intimacy. Other characteristics include silly behavior, a lack of emotional maturity, and a desire to hide inner securities. 

The Wendy Syndrome - Companion to Peter Pan syndrome. Usually affects women and is marked by acting  like a mother to those who are close to them. These women takes on the decision making ability and responsibility that "Peters" in their lives lack.

I am a Wendy and I have surrounded myself with far too many Peters. Men who refuse to take responsibility and like being taken care of. I can see how this is negatively effecting me, but I am at a loss as to how to stop being a Wendy. Stop needing to take care of people. Oh Wendy. If you surround yourself with Peters how will you ever find someone to be the man in your life?

Pictures

Two questions:

1.) Should you take pictures in a church building?

2.) Should you take pictures during a church service?

Thoughts welcome. 

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Ableism - Post # ?

   We are sitting on the floor at Annual Conference in front of the youth. And tonight was a struggle. I'm watching a good friend of mine crying with grief a few rows in front of me while a pastor is giving a fantastic sermon and the youth were mocking his pronunciation of some of the words. And I took issue.
   So after the service I turned around and asked who said it, even though I already knew, and they all denied it and looked shocked. I went on to explain that there was a time that pastor wouldn't have even be allowed to preach with a speech issue and that we need to back away from a big word called Ableism. They didn't understand that at all, but maybe someday they will. They did understand that no one knows where his wife was sitting and if someone heard them (which they probably did because they were loud) then it could hurt her. 
   Lesson friends, ableism is alive and well, even at a church conference. And people still lie even at a conference. Both of which don't sit well with me. 

Shalom Vs Traditional Church

  I'm at annual conference and I'm a tad upset. (Shock and Awe - I know). We had a discussion today about what are the needs and opportunities in our communities and it turned into a gripe session about how there aren't enough people coming to church. I was trying to stress that people need to be told they are worthy whether they are a church attendee or not. I wanted to see people put individual meetings into practice, but instead people kept focusing on surveys to see if people already attend a church and condemning talks to people. Ahhhh.... If that's ministry, I can't do that. Ever. I'd rather talk and get to know people (see the previous post) instead of yelling about Jesus. Jesus will shine through if people get to know me. The Lord has to, because he is such a deep and vital part of me. 

That's it?

   I have been working my way through the Harry Potter series again in preparation for the upcoming movie! The Half Blood Prince! Yeah! While reading book seven I was reminded, that while it is my favorite book content while, the epilogue ruined the entire book for me. I've been reflecting on why.
   In book Seven (the Deathly Hallows) the book ends on a high note, and in my opinion it would have been an excellent place to end the book. But then Rowling decided to tack on an epilogue that fast forwards through nineteen year. And I wanted to know the details of those years, not just a sketch. 
   I've never done well with vague story telling. Its part of the reason I would rather read a novel than a newspaper article. I crave the details, the mundane. In my relationships with others, I like knowing about their day to day lives, not just the large things that happen to them. From those happenings, I truly glean who they are. It's also the reason that I skip right over the trite facts when I am getting to know someone. I want to know what makes their soul tick and burn with desire!
   The lack of detail is also why I have struggled at times with the gospel narrative. Especially when I was younger. By skipping over Jesus' youth, teenage, and young adult years I felt like I had very little to claim as my own and relate to my own story during those periods of development. (Side note: this is why I like Anne Rice's Christ the Lord series so much.)
   We live in a society that too easily passes over deep details in order to get the skim picture of people's lives. May we cease doing so in order to be blessed by the narratives that other's have to share. 

Monday, June 1, 2009

Fill in the Blank

This picture showed up on Post Secret the other day. Normally, I don't check out the site, but I was told that a gem was on it that particular day, and it was. 

The longer I look at this picture, the more clearly a strong statement against -isms emerges in my mind. 

"Maybe if you knew why... you would stop making":
Comments about depression, jokes about OCD, snide comments about rape. Joke about girls not eating or throwing up their food. Maybe if you only knew you wouldn't talk about women in short skirts in front of me. Or make rude jokes about the woman in the wheel chair or calling people "retards".  You would cease to whisper about the ESL student in the classroom. 

I have dear friends who have to face jokes about situations are real and that have changed them every day. I have to sit through jokes about my own struggles as well. When will we stop using "humor" (if you can even call it that) to avoid dealing with our fears. We need to face the people in front of us and treat them with respect, we need to treat ourselves with respect. And that can only be done by acknowledging the whole person, struggles and all. I have hope that we can hold the hands of our brothers and sisters and fight against the injustices and prejudices expressed through crude jokes and snide comments that just perpetuate isms. The day is coming. The day is today.