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My heart beats for love. I want to be different. I want to be who I am called to be. WORTHY and LOVED!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Small Town Life

Since I've arrived at my new appointment the question that everyone keeps asking me is "So what do you think of our town?" At the root the question is asking, what do you think of our small town life?
Honestly, I don't know how to answer any more after being here for six weeks. Being here reminds me of the town I grew up in. There isn't much to do, so relationships are strong. Everyone seems to be related to everyone else, because family is a core value. Churches are on every corner. People work hard and are invested in the community life. And I love all of that. But there is a flip side. As an itinerant pastor I don't fit in and I never will, because this is not my home and I am not staying forever. Its also not where I imagined myself being. It's nice enough, but I want to be somewhere where I have at least a chance to meet someone my own age. But my entire age group is missing. Post-college young adults leave the area to find a jobs. Some will return to settle down with their husband or wife and start to have a family near their relatives. But other then spouses the only new people coming into the area are the gas workers with their families. I miss seeing people who are my own age and the hustle and bustle of life in the suburbs. When I was talking about my trip to NYC to visit GBGM with my parents my dad asked if I would like to work there - and I would LOVE to work in NYC for GBGM. The city is where I see myself being - where I am surrounded by endless possibilities of things to do and people to meet. Where I can be surrounded by people my own age and where not being married at 25 isn't seen as abnormal. But that is not where I am right now.
Part of my struggle with small town life is that it is idolized here. People are always talking about how things were, wishing we could go back to those days. But even though I didn't live "back then" I don't want to go back. I especially don't want the church to go back. Because it is to a time where modernity was assumed to be the norm. We are living in the post-modern world, where those things aren't selling points any more. I was talking to another young adult clergy person about this recently. The church is probably the place where you can most clearly see the clash of the modern and the post-modern, with the post-modern more then often being dismissed. But post-modern isn't going away. It just is. And my generation has known nothing different so it has shaped who we are and how we want to interact with the church.
First, we don't want to join. In fact, we don't need to join in order to feel spiritual or like we belong. We want to participate, but on our own terms, not because you think we should and not simply doing what others tell us to do. I had one congregation member tell me lately that we need more young people in the church to do the heavy lifting. When I asked her what would happen if they came and they didn't want to do the heavy lifting she gave me a puzzled look. It cannot be assumed that young people exist to do the work behind your plans.
Second, we like technology. It has deeply marked who we are. It does not scare us. And we want it to be incorporated into worship somehow. I want to be able to go to your churches website and see what you are doing and how you are engaging the world through service. I want to be able to tweet during worship and use my iPad. The other day I went to a district meeting, where I was the youngest person by about 20 years, and when I pulled out my iPad to take notes, people were taken aback. I am not going to waste paper if I don't have to. One woman made me the crux of her joke to another woman about "my generations obsession with technology". Its not an obsession, its simply the way I've grown up and what I know best and can make work for me.
Third, we do not want someone up in our business. I don't necessarily want to have every detail of my situation shared to get on the prayer chain or to be named in church. I don't want someone to visit me in my home or in the hospital if I did not ask for them to be there. I don't need the entire town or church knowing every detail about my life. I want to be free to share what I want to share and keep private what I want to keep private.
Yet, small town life flies in the face of who a post-modern is and how their needs are met in most cases. In some instances, those of us who have grown up in a small town know how to navigate the waters between modern and post-modern, which is essential in a small town church where modern and post-modern clash in almost every decision and discussion. But sometimes I prefer to be in a place where I am understood as an individual and where my generation is understood in the context of who we are as post-moderns, not simply be patted on the head and told to conform.
I've also been struggling because small town life seems to be on the brink of idolatry for some residents. They openly discuss people who have moved away in a mocking way. They ask if multiple generations will return to the homestead to retire here, even when there are decades before people can retire. And they gush about small town life. And that is fine, if you love it, but you cannot dictate that it is best for everyone or is the only choice worth making as to where to live. I'm still trying to navigate the line between adoration and idolatry when it comes to small town life, but all discussions where the line is toyed with make me very uncomfortable.
So yes, I do like certain things about small town life, but no, both by preference and profession I don't see myself staying here forever. But that does not mean that I love you any less or will be disengaged from your town life while I do live here. I am called to be here, now, for a purpose. And I want to live into that vision and purpose together.

Sabbath

I think the first time I ever really heard about Sabbath and semi-comprehended it was in third grade when we read the Little House on the Prairie Series, in which the character Laura complained about how boring the Sabbath was because they weren't allowed to play as children. They simply sat around and listened to scripture being read and hymns being sung. I didn't really give it another thought until I was in college and I read Mark Buchanan's The Rest of God: Restoring Your Soul by Restoring Sabbath, which is a powerful book which I highly recommend.
What I'm finding as a pastor in a very busy parish is that taking Sabbath is hard. It is hard because it seems like everyone wants a little piece of your time (in fact I don't feel like any of my time is actually mine anymore, but that is a different post on a different day). But it is also hard because your rhythm of Sabbath is so different from everyone else's.
When I was little, Sunday was the day for Church. We went to Sunday School and church. Had a family dinner of some sorts. Went to bell choir and youth group as we got older. If we stopped to shop for anything it was a Sunday paper and something simple for lunch if my dad was in charge. As a whole we really didn't venture outside of the home for anything other then church. And I have fond memories of those times. But Sunday is not the day for the preacher to find rest in the Lord. Or at least I don't. Between 3 services and then rotating between 3 different Sunday night activities (4 now during Lent with the additional cluster services), I do not find that time to be my time with God.
A while ago I was talking with some of the other individuals I was commissioned with and one of the women made a beautiful observation: there is a difference between a day to worship God and day to run errands. When describing my schedule to another young clergy he made the observation that I really need to stop going at the pace I am, and that it is okay to ask for, if not demand, two days off in a row. One to simply be with God and restore your body and soul, and one to run errands. The two cannot be combined.
After being blessed with this advice I have really been trying to separate Sabbath from daily living items, which is hard. But this led me to conclude that the reason people willingly break the commandment to keep the Sabbath is because it is hard. Very hard in fact. We are raised in a culture that tells us that we should be doing something productive every moment of every day. So to simply be in the presence of God, totally setting aside those things where we are working for the goal of being productive, is counter intuitive. But a beautiful thing when practiced. It is a necessary thing for everyone, but most certainly cannot be skipped out on by the pastor, who lives a public life and needs time to simply not be "on". Not be something to someone else, but to be who we are at our very core, a child of God.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Clean Us - Mark 1: 40-45

There are many different names and titles that we use to identify characteristics of Jesus. Counselor. Prince of Peace. Mighty God. Lord of Lords. Messiah. Teacher. Preacher. Son of God and Son of Man. Christ. Rabbi. The Great I Am. Most High. Emmanuel. The Almighty. The Great Lamb. Our Shepherd. The Way. The Vine. The Living Bread of Life. The Rose of Sharon. The Light. The Bright Morning Star. The Living Stone. The Chief Cornerstone. The Advocate. The Cup of Life. The list goes on and on. But in today’s scripture passage Jesus is most notably the Healer.

In fact, Jesus has been the Great Healer for most of the first chapter of Mark’s gospel. This is the third healing story within 45 verses. What is Mark trying to tell us through these narratives and what makes this healing story different then the others the gospel writer told?

Two weeks ago we looked at the first healing story in the gospel of Mark about the man with the evil spirits. That man was healed within the synagogue, amongst his neighbors and friends. He did not ask to be healed, yet Jesus cast out the evil spirits anyway. The second healing story we haven’t discussed as part of a sermon. It was of Simon’s mother-in-law who was at death’s door with a high fever. Others asked Jesus to go and heal her and she was simply healed. But in today’s story, a man had the faith and gumption to approach Jesus and ask for healing.

Why was it such a bold act for this man to approach Jesus? Haven’t we all asked Jesus for healing at one point or another in our lives? This man was a leper, a social outcast. By law he wasn’t allowed to approach Jesus or any other person. Because his disease was so contagious, those with lepersay were banished from the community and had to go and live by themselves or in a colony with others suffering from lepresey. They were marginalized by a social illness brought on by their physical disease. They were viewed as impure, unclean, and a source of dangerous contamination. So under Levitical law, once the priest became aware of someone contracting lepresey, they were were no longer allowed to pray in the temple or go to the synagogue. They were completely expelled from society.

Yet, this leper came to Jesus. He knew that he shouldn’t according to the law. He knew that he was putting Jesus at risk of contracting his isolating disease. But he was at his wits end. He had to try something. So he went to Jesus and knelt before him, begging to be healed. He obviously had some sort of faith to come and see Jesus in this way; he had to believe that Jesus could truly heal him. Further he tells Jesus, “if you choose you can make me clean.” And Jesus did choose.

We live in a culture where many preachers ave used and abused this story and others like it to condemn people who are ill. Telling people that if they just had enough faith they would be healed. But what these preachers and those following their teachings miss is who Jesus was really healing in this passage. On the surface it looks like Jesus healed the man who had faith. And this may be true. But the story doesn’t end there. Some translations, including the one that we are using today state that Jesus was moved with compassion to heal this man, but an equal number say that Jesus was moved with anger. What did Jesus have to be angry about? And can pity and anger be mixed together?

Jesus was angry at the societal norms that made this beloved man of God an outcast from society. Jesus’ healing of this man disrupted the social order and turned around all of the laws that Jesus was supposed to be abiding by concerning people who were deemed unclean. Unfit to interact with the rest of society. He was breaking down boundaries. Jesus was so angry by how the religious and civil society were treating this man, and others with his disease, that he was moved with pity, and with this pity he reached out and did something that he did not have to do - he touched the man. Jesus is powerful enough to heal people without touching them. He had already shown that when he cast out the unclean spirits from the man in the temple simply by the command of his voice. But he knew that this man needed human touch, so he reached out and caressed him, breaking the rules that had prevented the man from not having any human contact for so long. Jesus said with both his actions and his voice that he did choose to heal the man. And isn’t this truly the message of the gospel - that Jesus has come to liberate those who have been deemed unclean. Those who have been marginalized and outcasted from society. Those who are in need of the caress of hope.

This past week I was in New York City at the General Board of Global Missions, one of the parts of the United Methodist Church that serves people who are in need of hope and healing around the world through our shares of ministry. I was so impressed to see how the United Methodist Church was present in over 136 countries around the wold. Working with the poor to change systems and societal norms. Teaching native women how to share the gospel with societies where reading is not the norm. Training chiefs, preachers, and emams about malaria and other preventable diseases and helping them be agents of change through the Nothing But Nets and Imagine No Malaria campaigns. GBGM is helping pastors reach out to those in their congregations suffering from addictions and related violence. They are training young people to be peer counselors concerning abusive relationships and addictions. And these are just a few examples of how we are reaching out and partnering with people to bring hope and healing and wholeness around the world.

The seminar was two jam packed days and on the day in between our learnings we traveled to three United Methodist ministries and churches in New York City who are truly offering the caress of hope to those whom others have turned away. While there another young clergy made the following comment to me: “I love ministry that evolves from the simple questions: ‘what is God calling us to do about this?’ There is an aids epidemic? Maybe we should make it possible for people to get tested twice a week. People can’t find work? We have a kitchen to feed them and a chef who comes in to teach them how to cook so they can find work. People haven’t paid their taxes in a few years? We have a basement where some accountants came come. Let’s put two and two together.”

What I loved about these ministries we visited and the work that GBGM is doing is that it is truly the intersection between compassion for people and anger at society. Brothers and sisters we have moved well beyond the time when we can simply respond to people with compassion while allowing the same oppressive systems to be untouched and unchanged. This is neither love nor justice. Our United Methodist heritage calls for us to change systems while reaching out to people. And honestly, that can be scary work. It seems a lot easier to give people some money then to ask the hard question of what has prevented them from having a job or money to take care of their family in the first place and striving to help the individual while charing the system.It means that we need to be asking questions that do not have easy answers. It also means acknowledging our own guilt.

I have to wonder if Jesus was also angry at himself when we he saw this man. Surly it was not the first leper he had seen. Yet it was the first one that we were told that he reached out and healed. For 30 years Jesus had been part of the system, implicitly or explicitly, that ostracized this man and others like him, and now he was face to face with a human being not a set of rules or boundaries. But in that moment, Jesus set aside concern from himself, or following the rules, and took this man’s uncleanliness upon himself. Even though this man was healed by Jesus touch, under Levitical law, Jesus was now supposed to be banished even if he never contracted lepresey himself, because he intentionally put himself in harms way. And that scares us. We don’t want to be putting ourselves in situations where we may be at risk or may break rules. But Jesus felt compelled to do so in that moment, and he changed a mans life because of that, and started to change a society.

My parents are with us today, and I’m sure they can tell us about plenty of times that they have felt that I have put myself at risk for others. Times I have traveled to bad neighborhoods or have worked with people that made them feel a bit uncomfortable at first. But even with all of the risks, I felt compelled to do so because I had a vision. We are not all called to go to dangerous places, that is why GBGM represents us as a denominational church, sending missionaries to over 60 countries. And we are not called as this church to necessarily be doing the same ministries as the churches I visited in NYC - those are their missions that stem from their vision and the prayer that God has answered for them when they asked, “what are you asking us to do about this God? What are you calling us to do?” But we called to be agents of change, hope, and healing here. We are to be asking the question what is God asking us to do in this place, here and now, to bring healing. And the answer may surprise us. It may make us feel uncomfortable and ask us to put ourselves aside for others. But we have to ask. Because Jesus, the one who has all of those names and titles, has been healer in our lives so we are to be healers in the lives of others. No matter what the cost. No matter what.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Bing Single

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be single lately. The older I get, the more assumptions come along with being single, especially from older generations. The one that bothers me the most is that I must have more time because I'm single. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. Yes, how we live in those 24 hours may look differently if we have a family vs. being single. However, what many people do not consider is that the same basic activities of the day - cooking, cleaning, paying bills, doing the grocery shopping, running errands - need to be done regardless of your marital status. And when you are single you have to do them all yourself. There isn't another person to share these tasks with, so you do them in addition to working a job and everything else you do.
Some older folks seem to have forgotten what it was like to be single, mostly, because they haven't been so since college or even before that. What seems to have gotten lost is that being single while a student and being single in the "real world" are two completely different things. Yet, people fondly remember what it was like to be care-free during college, and think that is what its like to be single.
We all have a lot to learn from one another. Single or married. Those with kids and those without. But all too ofter our assumptions block us from learning. Sadly. May we approach each other with open hearts and open minds.

Priscilla Queen of the Desert

This past week I went to go see Priscilla Queen of the Desert. First, I must say that some of the drag queens had very impressive legs and could certainly navigate high-heels better than I can. But my second thought is much more important. Part of what I feel called to do, as a pastor, is create a space for all people, but I'm not sure I can do that where I am at currently, or perhaps even in this annual conference at all. I kept asking myself throughout the show if someone showed up in drag to my church, would they be welcomed. And honestly, I don't know if they would be. I'm serving in an area that is still ripe with comments about "those people" and brash generalizations linking homosexuality to child abuse. And that breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because no matter what I believe or how welcoming I am as the pastor of the church, it really comes down to how the people in the pews treat others and how their ideologies get lived out in their interactions.
I'm getting back into the swing of reading again for pleasure. Last week I read The Help, which has received a good deal of press recently as it was turned into a movie. I haven't seen the movie, but in the book, which takes place in the 1960s, one of the white women in the town goes on a rampage to get the domestic help in homes different toilets, either in the backyard in a shack or in the garage. Her logic was that people of color have different diseases due to the pigment of their skin which can be transmitted through sharing toilet seats. Now we may be taken aback, but wasn't this part of the prevalent logic in the early through mid-1900s that lead to segregation? Now we cringe at the ignorance of those who have come before us. I cannot help but think that we are going to have just as much shame and cringing in the future over the absurd generalizations we make about LGBTQIQA folks in the future. Assumptions that have blocked relationships and that have prevented us from being the body of Christ.
It doesn't really matter what you believe what the Bible says about various sexualities; we can use the Bible justify whatever we want. And that has caused us to cringe as well. The ways we've used the Bible to humiliate and subjugate people and strip away their humanity. Whatever you believe, the Bible is still abundantly clear that we are called to love all people. When will we begin to let the great commandment to love the Lord our God with our entire beings and love others as we love ourselves become a reality? When will the church start to see with the eyes of Christ and respond with the Heart of God with actions lead by the Holy Spirit?

Vision

The past few days I was in NYC at a seminar at the General Board of Global Ministries. It was very informative and eye opening, and affirmed my love for the United Methodist Church. While there we visited three churches/ ministries of the church that are reaching out to serve their communities. What struck me the most about the ministries that we visited was that they were all rooted in prayer. The pastor had a vision that was revealed by God through prayer. What a simple and beautiful point that we often overlook in our haste to be the biggest and the best. As my colleagues toured the ministries with me, more than one made the comment, "This is neat. I can do this at my church." to which I rebutted, "But are you called to do this at your church?" The ministries we toured were reaching their particular neighborhoods through the particular vision God gave them. We aren't called to replicate what they are doing, but to pray for our communities and wait for the vision that God reveals to us.
I love the connectional nature of the UMC, but sometimes it has its down-sides. Like when we compare ourselves to other clergy and their churches. When we judge ourselves and the churches we serve off of them. It isn't supposed to be that way, but sometimes it happens.
Could the ministries we saw be effective in our area? Certainly. But is it what we are called to do? Who we are called to be? Because that makes all the difference in the world in our ministries.

Have You Not Heard - Is 40: 21-31

One of the core beliefs of Israel that is present throughout the scriptures is the assumption that faith begins with memory. Have you ever taken a moment to consider how memory defines us. Our memories sometimes aren’t the most accurate - we may not recall an event in full detail - but it is what we remember that is important, not if it is fully factual.

We, as human beings, have selective memories in this fashion. We remember things how we want to remember them. And we remember the things we want to recall. And that goes on to define who we are. For example, if we are pessimistic, we may only recall the bad things, even though good things have happened in our lives as well. And if we are optimistic, we are more prone to remember things in a positive way.

In today’s scripture passage the Israelites are facing the possibility of forgetting - forgetting who their God is and who they are as a people. For many many years they have been in captivity in Babylon after being taken from Jerusalem. They have been gone so many years that the keepers of the memories have passed on. Perhaps the people of Israel still shared these memories of who they are as the chosen people of God late at night, but the truth behind the words is starting to fade. The memories seem more like distant fantasies in the face of their captivity.

But in this passage, God cries out through the prophet for them to remember. Remember what they know. Remember what they’ve heard and what has been told to them. Remember who God is. God is preparing them for a journey back to Jerusalem to face the seemingly impossible task to rebuild the city and the temple. But it cannot be done if the people’s faith in God is not intact, if their memory has ceased to exist.

Can you identify with the amnesia of the Israelites? Are their times in your life when you have forgotten who God is? Forgotten who you are? Our type of amnesia today causes us to quickly forget God’s power and might when we enter into stressful situations. It is what causes us to ask ourselves if God has abandoned us during difficult times.

Israel is facing a real problem in today’s scripture passage because they are on the verge of corporately forgetting who they are. When a few people struggle the unit will not falter because others are in their lives to remind them who they are and that God is in control. But when the entire body has forgotten, when no one is there to testify to who they are as a people, an identity crisis begins to take root. Sometimes I wonder if we are in such a place as the Church of Jesus Christ today. If we no long remember who we are, what we believe, and why we believe it. Are we just as lost as the Israelites in captivity?

An old adage states that you cannot know where you are going unless you know where you came from. So many churches today are struggling to do the next popular thing or to offer the next program so they can draw people in, but this flurry of activity isn’t reflective of who they are as the people of God. It is more about entertaining then evangelism. More about profit then the Kingdom of God. I truly believe such activity shows that we are in a time of identify crisis, where we are desperately in need of someone to remind us who God is and who we are.

Today’s scripture passage tells us over and over again that God is powerful and in control. That other rulers will come to pass but that God remains the same. No one compares to God. Everyone and everything else is simply a creation of God. Yet, we are running around acting as if we are God. As if we are the ones in control instead of the ones following the vision that God has laid before us. We particularly forget who is who and what is what when times are going well. When we feel powerful. But today’s scripture reminds us of our unqualified powerlessness. And we don’t like that. We want to be the powerful ones being praised. Or we may even be willing to praise God’s powerfulness when things are going our way, but that’s not who today’s scripture passage is written to. It is written for the powerless. The ones who are so weighed down upon by life that they have forgotten everything that matters.

God is gracious enough to give us each moments when we are reminded who God is. Moments that remind us how big God is, yet how intimate our relationship is to the Holy. These moments are different for everyone, but they help us remember who God is. For me these moments have taken place in nature. If you enter my house, you will find pictures everywhere. Most are of people, friendly face smiling, but some are of moments. Moments that I remember every time I look at them.

As I write this sermon I see a picture of the sun setting over a bay of water. Orange and full as it disappears in its brilliance through clouds scattered across the sky. I can tell you the exact spot where that picture was taken and that it reminds me of the conversation I was having with a dear friend shortly before it was taken about who God is and why we need God in our lives. That picture and the conversation surrounding it are intricately linked and remind me of just how beautiful, grand, powerful, and creative God is.

And as I write this sermon the picture of my computer is one that simply takes my breath away. It is of a sunrise on a farm. The entire sky is yellow and deep orange. I can tell you that when that picture was taken, I had barely slept in days. It was taken on the morning I was camping. When I woke up before everyone else to be in a time of prayer, but instead the only prayer I could utter was Thank you, God. In that moment I felt enveloped by God’s peace and presence. Which I am reminded of every time I look at this picture.

But looking at these photos I also am reminded of how vulnerable I was when they were taken, and I can praise God for that now. For when we are vulnerable we are open to experience God’s power and grace. These photos and many others are like my rear view mirrors in my car as I travel through life. Rear view mirrors are important, because they help us see what is behind us so we can safely travel forward. Our memories stand as testaments to who God is and how far we have come by faith and grace. That God is everlasting. And this is good news to us when we feel faith, weary, and powerless. In our memories we can be reminded that God has renewed our strength in the past and will surely renew our strength in the future.

We will never fully understand who God is or how God works in the world. We will always have questions about Gods power and why God intervenes in some situations and not in others. I believe the Israelites had the same sorts of questions when they were in captivity. But like the Israelites we have a choice as to whether we will remember who God has been in the past so we can trust God now, or if we are going to try to live by our own power alone.

My hope and prayer for us today is that we will begin to remember who we are and who God is, and not confuse the two. I pray that we will have a way to remember those powerful moments when God unmistakably interved into our lives. I hope that we cling to those moments both when times are good and times are not so good, as a reminder that God has not forgotten or forsaken us. For just as remembering is selective, so is forgetting. So may we remember who we are so we can step out in faith. Remember our communal and personal story, God’s story, so we can live into God’s love for us. For even if our hope cannot be sustained, it can be remembered and renewed.