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My heart beats for love. I want to be different. I want to be who I am called to be. WORTHY and LOVED!

Friday, August 29, 2008

Language Choice

We had a lecture today on Drew's inclusive language policy. For the most part, while it might be somewhat unnatural, I can see the reasoning behind it. But then we got to referring to any part of the Trinity - Master, Lord, or King and we are not allowed to speak of the coming or present Kingdom. I had to bulk at this for a moment. And even know, sitting down, reflecting I am uncomfortable. We are refusing to use language initiated by the Bible and passed down through centuries of church history and why, because of some human ramifications that have left words with bad images in our minds? For me, personally, The Godhead better be the LORD of my life, otherwise I'm just feebly following myself, which NEVER ends well for me. We all follow someone and bow down to something, whether we want to admit or identify our objects of worship or not. And maybe we don't need inclusive language so much as we need to restructure our thinking. A few of you know that I have a strong conviction not to vote in upcoming elections, because I don't feel that the life Jesus led calls us to that because we can all only follow one Master and have one Lord over our lives. This doesn't just apply to God vs Money, it extends into every crevice of our lives and changing the wording isn't going to change the root problem.

As I thought about this, there is a much bigger problem. Yes, inclusive language is important, but it should not be instituted to this extent because of human failures. Really when we make something into a huge issue like this, it usually stems from a poor view of self. I am a pretty secure person, but I wasn't always that way. When I struggled with my own lack of self-esteem I was far more reliant on the opinions and words of others. For example, I had to hear that I was loved. But when I know that I am loved by God and others and have internalized this, then I no longer crave to hear those words spoken, because their speaking isn't the only place of truth.

Another example is the whole equality of women in ministry issue. When I was apprehensive and just starting to follow my call, I was far more open to listening to the positive words of others and was deeply offended by those negative words. But, now, I know my call with certainty. If anything the uninclusive language made me spend more time seeking God's will and made me more impassioned to follow it. I know that God has created me as equal, and I don't need to change the language of others in order to reflect this. God has spoken over me, and His words are enough, and in Him my security rests.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Communion

My junior year at Houghton, roughly around Ash Wed, there was a sermon preached on what we should feel when we come to the communion table that really set my heart and mind a buzz. Essentially we were to not come to the table with a solemn attitude, but rather rejoicing as we prepare for the Heavenly Agape meal. Needless to say, I didn't fully agree. I felt that God is a God of all emotion, creating each for a time and place, and thus when we approach the meal we should be able to feel what we wish.
Fast forward to today, at orientation at Drew, I saw the ability to have mixed emotions come to life. While not strictly the intention or meaning behind offering both wine and juice at the Lord's Supper, I saw this as a choice. Do you feel the deep bitterness of sin today and grieve Christ's suffering - take the bitter wine. Do you sense the sweet taste of freedom from sin - take the juice. While, yes, other denominations do offer both wine and juice it is usually wine primarily with juice if you need it, not a choice like this.
May you fully feel each feeling you have as you approach the table next time you have communion.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Matthew 16:13-20

When I look at today’s scripture lesson, I think it can be best be broken up into two parts who is Christ and what does that have to do with my daily life.
On the surface it looks pretty simple doesn’t it. Christ asks his disciples who he is and through our 21st century eyes we just want to say, “No, duh, Peter, Christ is the Messiah.” But really it wasn’t that simple of a conclusion to draw. Each of Christ’s activities could be traced back to another person, in other words, what he was doing wasn’t exactly unique. Like John the Baptist, Christ has followers meeting the needs of the downtrodden. He also preached a similar gospel of repentance, or turning from their old way of life in order to fully experience the reality of what God made earth to be. Recall that Elijah preformed miracles and it was passed down orally from generation to generation that Elijah would return before the coming of the Messiah. Jesus could have also been identified with a prophet because of the radical things that he was saying, like Jeremiah people rebelled and tried to kill him over his message.
So here in the midst of all of their travels the disciples have been hearing who Christ is and maybe they even share the same opinions as those listed for some of the similarities that we just discussed. But then Peter, always the bold one, puts in his two sense. “You are the Messiah, the son of the living God.” Remember that up to this point in the gospels, Jesus hasn’t been too forth coming with the fact that he is the Messiah. In fact if we look at this gospel story in Mark we would find Jesus’ response to be a tad different, essentially, yes you are correct but I don’t want you to tell anyone. It is not time. A command similar to what we find at the end of this lesson, but without the blessing in between.
What exactly was Peter saying when he proclaimed that Jesus is the Messiah. Essentially you are the one that we have been waiting for! Finally, the people of Israel who had been in captivity for so long would be redeemed. The Christmas hymn, O Come O Come Emmanuel coveys the spirit of longing and desperation for a savior when it says “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel. And ransom captive Israel. That mourns in lonely exile here until the Son of God appears.” The people of Israel are getting desperate. They want someone to come and free them from their current imprisonment by Rome. But that isn’t what Jesus came to be. He came not to save people from an earthly prison, but to free them from the captivity of Satan. He is freeing them from the bondage that Satan brought about in the Garden of Eden so that people could fully become who they were intended to be.
And quite frankly, if this is what Peter was referring to then that is why Jesus exclaims, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father in Heaven.” Peter was speaking the utterance of God because there is no way that he even understood all of the implications of calling Jesus the Messiah. Or how far being a Messiah extended past his Jewish expectations.
So who is Christ? Do we even know today? Are we like the other disciples spitting off second hand accounts of knowledge of who Chris could be? Or are we standing with Peter beaming with excitement as we shout, “You are the Son of the Living God!” In order to answer this question like Peter, we cannot rely on secondhand knowledge. We can only say this if Christ dwells in us, if we have a relationship with him. There is a difference between knowing something about someone and knowing someone. When I know something about a person I know a random fact that may or may not reflect who they are. But if I know someone, I have a relationship with him or her. I know their character, beliefs, values, and life experiences. I know them well enough to say not I recognize this person, but that this person and I are intimate. And I don’t know about you, but I want to say that I intimately know Christ and not just recognize him, because if I only recognize a person, there is no guarantee that they will be able to equally recognize me.
For example: When I was at a wedding a few weeks ago, I had a women pull me aside after the service and address me by name saying something to the effect of “I was wondering who was singing in front of me so beautifully, and then I saw that it was Michelle Bodle.” I literally had no idea who this woman was or how she knew me. I in fact was a tad freaked out that she knew my name and I didn’t even recognize her face. It later turned out that she is the mother of one of the kids I graduated high school with. She recognized me from the yearbook, I had never met her.
But at that same wedding, I knew the bride. She has been one of the people I have been close to since high school, keeping in contact the whole way through college. She is one of the only people whom I made sure to see every time I was home on break. I could tell you her story, and why this wedding was so special to me as she had battled cancer just a few years prior. Because I knew her and she is so dear to me, her dad ushered me into where she was getting into her gown, as soon as I arrived. He knew that his daughter and I were close friends and he wanted me to share with her all of the excitement of her special day.
Which story better describes your relationship with Christ? Would he know you deeply enough, because of your relationship, to share in all of the joy of your wedding day, or would he just stare at you blankly saying that he didn’t know you, if you pulled him aside to chat. May we know who Christ is intimately and personally.
After Christ blessed Peter for this deep knowledge of who he is, he went on to saying, “You are Peter and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not prevail against it. I will give you the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in Heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in Heaven.” Here is Peter, the same Peter who has screwed up and will still screw up in the future, and Jesus is giving him a huge responsibility, to bind and loose things in Heaven. Here’s the scary part, as Christ’s disciples, and part of the Church, we have the same command today. When we exclaim with Peter “You are the MESSIAH!” we have a task before us. But what does this binding and loosing look like in daily life? Essentially this means that we decide how the teachings of Christ apply to our every day lives and giving those teachings in such a way that we don’t judge people. The best example Biblically of binding and loosing can be found in Christ’s teaching from the Sermon on the Mount in the phrases that say, “You have heard it said… but I say unto you.” For example in Matthew 5 verse 21 says “You have heard that it was said to those on ancient times, you shall not murder and whoever murders will be in judgment, but I say unto you if you are angry with a brother or a sister you will be liable to judgment and if you insult a brother or sister you will be liable to the council and if you say ‘You fool’ you will be liable to the fires of Hell.” This is an example of binding, or making something tighter, an example of loosing would be when he allowed healing to take place on the Sabbath, something the rulers of the law looked down upon because he was redefining the restraints in order to make them less stringent.
So what does all of this binding and loosing mean for us? Well as the church it means that we need to apply scripture to people’s daily lives starting with our own. Let’s go back to the text for a moment: “I give you the keys to the Kingdom of Heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven.” In the Greek the word bind actually means “whatever I have already bound you will bind on earth.” So how are we going to know what Christ has bound or loosened? By reading the scriptures through the eyes of the Spirit. But be forewarned, the Bible is not meant to be bent to reach our agenda. It is meant to be preached with grace and love. And we cannot decide on our own how the Bible should be applied. That is meant for the Body of Christ, the collective church, to decide. I for one, don’t want to be falsely binding and loosing things on earth, that result in people being judged or looked down upon, when God is inviting them to Him.
We as the church need to get our priorities straight. We are meant to bind and loose in order to bring glory to Christ and not to just make rules to make ourselves into an elitist organization that looks better. We don’t exist to make it harder for people to get into Heaven. We exist to shine Christ into the lives of people. And, no, this won’t be done by ignoring the sins of others, but it will also not be done by bringing needless guilt upon them time and time again after Christ has forgiven their sins. Do you catch the drift here? We should exist to help people find answers to the questions that plague them, about how to apply the Bible to daily life, because sometimes the teachings a vague. And this helping and leading people is best done through discipleship, or collectively coming along side one another to discuss how the Bible intersects with our lives. The Bible is not just meant for Sundays, brothers and sisters. It is meant to be our guiding tool lived out every day.
When John Wesley was alive and in the many years following his death people following the Methodist tradition would gather several times a week for different celebrations and small groups. At least once a week, in these small group settings, people would be asked tough question to assess if it was well with their soul. And people honestly answered. And when they had questions about living out the faith others would surround them and lead them on. This is discipleship. We need to get back to asking the hard question, is it well with my soul, and then guide others as they answer this same question, giving them encouragement and rebuke.
I have a friend who knows me very well and I know him. Because we are so close, we are able to see points of sin or places that need to be improved in each others lives. More then once we have told each other “you are not living very biblically” and have explained why. More often then rebuke we are there for each other when we question what something in the Bible looks like practically. We are binding and loosing the scripture for each other, but it is always done in love. And we never say anything to each other without praying for the Spirit’s guidance. Because we care so much about one another we want to lead each other to blossom into our full beauty that God intended.
May we seek to lovingly disciple each other, making the scriptures be lived out first in our own lives and then the lives of those close to us, as a response to proclaiming Christ to the Messiah, the liberator of our lives.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Oh The Olympics

As a whole I've been pretty dedicated to watching a few of the sports in the Olympics - gymnastics (women), diving (men), swimming (men and women). And I have periodically watched track and field and women's volleyball. I realize that this is not enough to make an overall statement about the Olympics, but it is enough coverage to say two things that have really disappointed me.

First, need it even be said, women's gymnastics has been nothing less then a disaster. Seriously, even if athletes handed in a visa, if enough suspision has been raised with some textual evidence from within the own country, you check it out. Otherwise you lose creditability. And let's be honest folks, there have been some times that the Americans have just been straight up robbed. The uneven bars and the vault. Ugly. To their credit, the coaches and athletes haven't said much, but goodness it was evident that the scoring was no where near unbiased. The same can be said of diving. And anything with subjective scoring for that matter. Last night in the men's diving finals, one dive was so flawed, the execution was sloppy and it was too far from the board (diving is something you quickly learn to critique in my family with as many swim meets as we have collectively attended). Yet the diver received not one but two 10.0. We need to re-evaluate subjective scoring. And give credit where credit is due. If two gymnastics have the exact same score give them both the same medal, it's done in other sports. Save the creditability of subjective scoring sports.

Second, sometimes respect needs to be learned by camera people and field interviewers. Why people are interviewed immediately after their race (especially in track or swimming when they are obviously out of breathe) is beyond me. It would be more meaningful to interview them a day after winning the medal, like gymnastics did with Shawn Johnson. And give athletes space when they loose. When LoLo had her defeat in track it was unnecessary to zoom in on her crying, not once but twice! We need to start showing the golden rule in tv coverage.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Dilemma

I just finished the Omnivore's Dilemma, and while it was far from the author Michael Pollan's intent, it made me feel justified in my choice to be a vegeterian. Grant it, I'm not a vegeterian for ethical reasons by any stretch. But wow. This book revealed that the bulk of our food that we get in grocery stores is "made" by raising animals of a mixture of food that their digestive systems aren't created to handle, and when coupled with the close living conditions, they have to be pumped full of antibiotics in order to just live 1/5 of the lifespan they should before slaughter. In the case of cows they are fed a mixture of corn (which they can't digest), anitbiotics, and other dead cow parts (which no animal can handle - we were not genetically made to eat our own kind without becoming ill).

Pollan went on to ask a very powerful question - should we even be eating anything that our ancestors wouldn't be able to recognize? In other words, is the ultra-processing of food really good for us or should we return to eating things that come from the earth?

For me the question has to go one step further, should we be eating things from the earth that are out of season? As a vegeterian my life is pretty centered around the Fruit and Vegetable food groups. But I'm so out of touch with nature and consequently so in touch with the way the grocery store operates, that I'm used to just getting whatever fruit and vegetable I want whenever I want it. We can credit this to importing food from around the world. The other day in Wegman's I saw "Australian Oranges". :/ Don't get me wrong, I loved the fruit in Aus,, but when in Central PA I should be eating what's grown in Central PA - both for economic and ecological reasons. I really need to get into the habit of buying what is in season, only. I'm so excited to get to Drew and buy from the produce stand on campus that only offers what is in season. May this be a learning experience for me!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

"God Bless..."

In the process on moving out of my office today I was brought to a dead halt in the parking lot by something I had seen a thousand times before, a ribbon decal on a car reading "God Bless Our Troops". My head began to reel around the word blessing. And when we ask for a blessing for someone what are we really asking for.

Sadly, when we ask for God to Bless America's Troops I think we aren't really asking to solely keep them safe. (And it should be stated that safety in the eyes of the Savior who sacrificed himself is probably not along the same lines as our thinking). I think we are really asking for them to "win" this war. Which translated means "Please God, make me prevail against my enemy, who really is still your child." This is nothing less then asking God to show his favoritism. Why would we be foolish enough to use our prayers to pit one child of the King against another. It would be safe to say that this is not a reflection of God's heart.

And what do we mean when we say "God Bless America"? Make us #1? Sustain us in our ignorance and mis-treatment of others so that we can become even more gluttonous, prideful, and self-absorbed?

Yes, God is good and wants to give us the best things, but we really need to stop and think about what our prayers reflect in our heart. About the implications of their being granted on others. We need to test them to see if they are prayers that Christ would pray. Otherwise, we might as well be the mouthpiece for the Devil.

The Body of Christ 1 Cor 12

I have a confession to make. I have always struggled with the idea of community, let alone Christian community. I think we’ve all shared a bit about our stories up until now, and the week before I head to seminary is as good as any to share mine. I’ve grown up in the same church and I have been surrounded by loving people. But even though we were loving, we weren’t always real with each other. Which confused me. Then some big things happened in our church and a new pastor came in bringing along his family, who tore me emotionally to shreds. They verbally abused me and sexually harassed me and finally one day I left that church and went to another. Eventually I did come back to my home church, after this pastor and his family left, however, it wasn’t without reservations. So all of that is to say that this little experience deeply impacted me. What I thought was my church home and family had become unsafe. And because we weren’t really all that honest with one another about our pain, I wasn’t able to tell anyone about how I was abused. My entire perception of community and relationships had been shattered and I retreated into a shell, avoiding getting close to anyone.
Of course a few people did get close, here and there. But I still didn’t understand community. To me it seemed more like an ideal instead of a reality. I have this really amazing friend in my life who I have grown close to over the past two and a half years. We share a lot of intimate thing with one another, but I still wasn’t able to call us a community. Not until I re-examined 1 Cor 12. Verses 21-26 describe what community is to a T. “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need for you’. On the contrary, the members of the body seem that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and those members of the body that we think less honorable we clothe with greater honor, and our less respectable members we treat with great respect, whereas the more respectable members don’t need this. But God has so arranged the body, giving the greater honor to the inferior members., that there may be no dissension amongst the body, but the members may have the same care for one another. If one members suffers, all suffer together, and if one member is honored, all rejoice with it.” We have been raised in a culture that tells us to be independent, self-sufficient, and non-emotional. And brothers and sisters, this is such a lie. And it’s why we have such a hard time getting our minds wrapped around this idea of community.
We cannot fathom community because we refuse to think that we need others. We’ve been told that we need to achieve everything on our own and claw our way to the top, not acknowledging the costs. But here Paul is telling us that we have no right to say to anyone that we don’t need them. No! We need one another to support each other, to help each other out. Here’s the thing, God put this huge task in front of the Church, to go and make disciples of all of the nations baptizing them in the name of the Triune God. I’m sorry, but you can’t do that alone. You need others to accomplish this. We need to work off of the generations before us and trust the generations after us to work towards the great commission, while fully being the body of Christ now with our brothers and sisters, depending upon one another.
Can I tell you one of the greatest tragedies of the church. Not sharing what we are going through with one another. Can you please explain to me how we are supposed to live out verse 26 about rejoicing and suffering together, if everyone keeps everything to themselves! We are depriving the body! You may be having a really rough day right now. Maybe you just got a diagnosis that you want to keep to yourself. But if you don’t share it how can anyone come beside you and encourage you, pray for you, be your family? Or maybe you just had a baby and are feeling completely overwhelmed! Why not ask for help from one of the wise mothers in the body? The reason we reject sharing our trials and joys is because it requires honesty and humility. The author Lauren Winner wrote in her book Real Sex, "Community doesn't come about simply by having hard, intimate conversations. Having hard, intimate conversations is part of what is possible when people are already opening up their day-to-day lives.". We need to start sharing our day to day lives! Doing life together like a true family! And this may mean asking each other the tough questions. Calling each other out on sins. One of the beauties of community is being able to know someone well enough to challenge them out of sin or complacency and into growth.
And when we share our day to day lives we see each other’s needs and can reach out and meet them. I volunteer at a women’s shelter, and a few months of go, one of our ladies gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. The mother didn’t have any family or husband to support her. In fact, the dad wasn’t even in the picture. And she didn’t have anything but a few outfits for the baby. So I decided to throw her a baby shower. People from the church, none of whom knew this women, donated so much stuff that they were able to help two women! And sadly everyone was shocked by this. Brothers and sisters, we exist as a body, to also support one another! So why aren’t we! Why do we let needs slip by as we live in our own little shell of the world?
Another reason we don’t really understand what it means to be the body of Christ, is because we don’t know where we exactly fit. Being part of a body means that we know ourselves enough to be able to give of ourselves. Have you ever really noticed that giving of yourself is really hard if you don’t know who you are? Even worse, when you don’t know who you are, you easily become jealous of other people. You find yourself wanting the gift or talent that another person has instead of rejoicing in your own gift and sharing it with others. Paul uses this obtuse image of the entire body being an eye or an ear. I don’t know about you, but if I saw a giant eye or ear, I would be pretty freaked out. Yet for some reason, we try to live in this balance between being independent and being just like everyone else. How does that work? Oh that’s right, it doesn’t. God has created you to be unique, but to fit perfectly with everyone else. To be your own bright color in the rainbow. Or to be your own puzzle piece that fits with everyone else to make the picture complete. If you were meant to be a center piece of the puzzle and you desire to become a corner, you aren’t going to fit into the puzzle anymore. What a tragedy this identity crisis that we are going through is!
And the list of dangers of not knowing where we fit grows. I don’t know how many of you have came from a traditional church background, but the church I grew up in was quite large and a lot of volunteers were needed to make everything work. Which is fine. What is not fine, is that the same people always fill the positions even if they aren’t within their gifting because no one would step up and help. There are two huge errors here. First, these people are stealing the opportunity from someone else to live out their gifting. And second, its okay if no one fills the position right away because maybe that will put the pressure on the people who have the gifting in that area to step it up. Our spiritual gifts don’t exist for ourselves, they exist for the greater good of the body.
Obviously we have a long way to go as the church at large to become a body, the family, the intimate community of the body of Christ. But we are slowly but surely getting there. It has been such an inspiration for me to watch you build this alter week after week listing your gifts and talents, what a testament to becoming the body of Christ and a willingness to use your gifts for others. I’ve also have been blessed with a thought that I’ve had since the start of Soul Café, that we are few but we are a family. We truly have become family. We have prayed together. Cried together. Rejoiced together. May we never loose that!
To close I want to share with you a prayer that my friend, prayed for us here at Soul Café,
"Jesus, they may be few and they may be faithful, but if must be you who makes them into a family. Make them into your body; the image and the vision and the actors (and actresses!) of your love in the world. Holy Spirit, be the love flowing through them to all they meet, and be the love that binds them together and draws them to You. And Father, be the one to whom they give all that they do, the one to whom they aim and to whom they strive in everything, their hope and their joy."
Amen.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Olympics - Bringing the world into focus

It's the ultimate sporting event where the elite of the elite gather from around the world to compete for the honor of being named the best - for showing what they are good at. But the Olympics is really so much more than that. It is a time to bring world issues into focus, which China has done so beautifully by all of the press that is being covered that doesn't really involve athletics per say.
For example when the US cycling team made an unknown error by wearing masks after they stepped off the airplane because they didn't know what the air quality in China was going to be - enviormental issues.
When China revoked the VISA of an activist who formed a team of athletes that supports Dufar - social action as well as the genocide in Dufar.
The USA's choice to have a Sudanese refuge carry the flag in the opening ceremony - showed how the world is all interconnected by allegiances during war (China supports the Sudan while the US is more on the side of Dufar).
Really, this month is a time to bring so many things to light, but really very few Americans will notice because we, as a nation, are comprised of self-centered individuals who really don't want to take the time to be concerned for anyone else.
I recently posed the question to someone if the Olympics is really about showcasing the best, shouldn't it also be highlighting the countries they came from and supporting them? How can I, as an Olympian, stand next to my Indonesian brother, wearing a Nike athletic gear, when Nike is known for exploiting workers in this country? It just doesn't fit But once again we give into big business and don't think about the larger issues that come to light because we only care about what directly effects us. The sad thing is, if we don't start to pay attention to the bigger issues then they will effect us, very directly.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Gardasil

I'm sure by now most of you have heard of the Gardasil vaccine - targeted at young girls and teens to prevent several strains of HPV as well as some other STDs. http://www.gardasil.com/
And I'm sure you also have heard about the controversy brewing around it, especially from conservative Christians.

I have had several of my friends tell me that there is no need to get the vaccine because they are going to marry men who are virgins. I think this statement puts a lot of trust in the guy to tell you about their past. And it is not that I am an untrusting person, it is more that you cannot make virginity the standard for your marriage. I have a lot of close Christian friends who have had sex before they were married, and almost all regret it. But what's done is done. Does this mean if I love a guy but he has had sex before I can't marry him? And what if he only had sex once - how many times did the girl he had intercourse with have sex before him? Do you see the twisted cycle?

What if I do say that I am only going to marry a virgin but he feels that he has been forgiven by God (or is just ashamed of his past) and therefore doesn't feel the need to tell me about any of his past relationships?

Nathan and I were talking at camp about my True Love Wait's Class. Out of the many many dedicated Christian girls (about 20-25) who made the pledge way back when, very few remained virgins through high school. And even less through college. That doesn't make these girls bad people at all, but the truth of the matter is that most still continued to wear their ring. Their outward sign of purity remained, so what if their husband just assumes they never had sex. Now think about this with the genders reversed.

Here's the thing ladies. HPV doesn't effect guys at all, they are just the carriers. But HPV can kill you. And you only have to contract it once. From one person. One time having sex. Done.

Getting the Gardasil shot is not comparable to giving your child a condem parents. It is not to encourage them to have sex starting at the age of 6, 12, 16, 20 whenever they get the shot. It is to protect her life when she does have sex. Because things aren't the same now that they were in our parents generation.
And let's please be realistic. Whoever started the rumor that the shot is given into your uterus that is just shear stupidity. It is given in the arm, like almost all other vaccines. The shot does not "take away your child's virginity".

I am a Christian. I am a virgin. I hope to marry a strong Christian someday. And I got the vaccine so that his past, whatever it is, doesn't determine my future.

Transitions

Human nature seems to lead us to desire to move from where we are currently to something new. This may not involve physically moving (although sometimes it does) but from one season to the next. When it is Summer we wish for the cool breezes and colored leaves of fall. When it is Fall we look forward to the snow. And in Winter we yearn for the new grass and warmth of Spring. We also find ourselves desiring for smaller things. We want this day to be over so we can move on to tomorrow. We look forward to special trips and ocassions. And right now the big one is looking forward to the close of summer and the start of the new school year (although once school starts we usually look forward to breaks). It seems odd doesn't it that we seem to lack the ability to be content and live in the moment. We always want what's next, and deem what's next to be better.

I, too, suffer from this problem. Right now I am looking forward to school, and to the close of summer. I try to rationalize this by saying that my 'summer' or time off has been nine months now, and it's time to get back to the rigor of academia. But that doesn't excuse me from fully living out each day now. Yes, I need to be aware and prepare for what's coming for the future (as I am daily reminded by the emails in my Drew account) but I need to be faithful, really more then faithful but fully present and dedicated, to what's happening now.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Gen 32:22 -31

Have you ever wrestled with God? I doubt that you have physically have wrestled with God, but you probably have emotionally and spiritually wrestled with the Creator.
A good friend once described this passage of scripture to me by asking if I would wrestle with a Sumo – Wrestler. He took my laughter to be the obvious response. Here I am a petite girl of under one hundred pounds, there is no possible way that I am going to beat a skilled Sumo-wrestler, much larger then me. So why would Jacob wrestle God, knowing that it would be worse than a Sumo-Wrestler taking on little Michelle. And an even better question is why did God let Jacob win? This is not a fairly matched fight, folks, God had the power to crush Jacob, but chose not to. Does that puzzle you?
Jacob’s “win” in the wrestling match with the Divine, is not a sign of God’s weakness. Rather it is God wrestling with Jacob over this man’s identity, and ultimately prevailing. God came out victorious.
Turn with me to Genesis 32, starting in verse 27: “So he said to him, ‘what is your name?’ And he said, ‘Jacob.’ Then the man said, ‘You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans and you have prevailed.”
Let’s refresh our memories on Jacob’s past, it was sketchy at best. He pretended to be his brother, Esau, thus lying to and deceiving his dying Father into giving him the birthright of the first son. The word “right” in this words means just that, it is Esau’s inheritance, and Jacob for all practical purposes stole it from him. Esau becomes angry, and Jacob runs. Jacob is a deceiver.
But before we start to criticize Jacob for what he has done to his family, we need to pause and ask ourselves who are we deceiving? Because all too often we deceive others and ourselves, by denying who we are, who God has created us to be. We try so hard to fit in with this crowd or to live up to that image, that the beautiful person God shaped for a unique person, becomes marred if not completely shunned. Like Jacob, God is asking us what our name is.
When I was in Australia I took a literature course, in which we were given free reign to come up with a thesis and prove said thesis through a work of Australian literature. I tended to come up with off the wall topics, because my brain has this weird way of seeing deeper and sometimes left field ideas in texts. For one of my papers I started with an idea that a friend had posted on his blog: that our name is a reflection of our identity and ran with it. Our name is something unique to us and cannot be severed from our personal stories. Our first name holds the story of our life - with its trials, ambitions, and wonderful moments. Our sir name tells an even longer story of our heritage and family. Our nicknames tell of those private and sometimes embarrassing, but always intimate moments. Our name tells our story.
But all too often we give into the idea of the age: convenience. We want to get to know others quickly, isn’t that why we have name tags? But there is a process, that begins with asking people their name and inches forward into more intimate areas. It's a long process. There is a complete difference in my mind between recognizing someone's name and knowing their name. When I know someone's name, I know something meaningful, true, and deep about them. Honestly, even with my closest friends, I'm still getting to know them, and there are things that I learn about my family that are new just about every day. Yet, we try to circumvent this process with a name tag. Is there any hope for intimacy if we aren't willing to take the time, even to introduce ourselves and ask someone their name?
And maybe the problem isn’t just that we want to have a shallow feeling of connection with others. Maybe the problem is much deeper and we don’t really want to take time to know ourselves. It’s hard work. It’s going to involve sifting through the past and remembering both the good and the bad. And it means doing the even harder work of separating the fiction of how other people have defined you from the truth of what God sees when he looks at you. I challenge you to take time to actually ask God what he likes about you, what he sees when he looks at you. Because, brothers and sisters, in the age we live in, he may be the only person who really knows who we are, what our name is, since we don’t even know ourselves. God is asking you, what is your name? What is your story? Who have I created you to be?
But do not be dismayed if you have forgotten who you are, if you forgot your identity that rests in God. God wants to bring you home and it starts by renaming you. In verse 28 God renames Jacob Israel, meaning the one who strives with God. God took the deceiver and said this is not how I see you, you are a man who follows me, desiring my heart and my blessing. Could Jacob have received a better blessing? And he isn’t the only one who God blesses by changing their name. Abram became Abraham and Sari became Sarah and Saul became Paul, just to name a few. God took the identity of who they were, how the world defined them, and banished it. It is like he whipped the slate clean by saying “No, you think this is who you are, but really THIS is who I created you to be.” Do you see the beauty in that? God wants us to see ourselves through his eyes, the only eyes that really matter for anything in the end.
Our name and our purpose are unique. We are not called to do what Israel, Abraham, or Paul did. We are called to do what we were made to do. Somewhere along the way the church has confused this message and we get the idea that God wants us all to be the same. To look the same, act the same, but at that point we might as well be the same person with the same name. And that is NOT how we are identified by God. I think this idea probably came from a misreading of what Paul meant when he tells us to lose our identity in Christ. We have tried to make that into a strict set of dos and don’ts in order to become Christ like. For example: read your Bible x number of hours a day. And it’s not that reading the Bible is a bad thing, but through our relationship with Christ, God defines who we were created to be. God wants to work with the personality he gave us to save the world. He wants you to fully live out who you were created to be in order to serve him. In the words of my friend “we are not zombies.”
You are called to be in a relationship with Christ. When you enter a human relationship you both retain your own personality while making a third identity of you as a couple. Such it is with our relationship with the Lord. We maintain our own identity, but slowly the identity of you with Christ overtakes you, thus you still maintain a piece of yourself. And when you look at finding your identity in Christ this way, then you will see that what your identity in Christ looks like will never be the same as what someone else in Christ will look like, because God is writing your story differently from everyone else.
If you notice through out the Bible God tends to give very vague instructions. I’ve heard the Bible referred to as the instruction manual before, and if this is true, we are in trouble. Because the Bible would never pass for a “how to” book because it tells us what to do, but not how. I believe that God doesn’t get more specific beyond “love your neighbor as yourself” or “feed my sheep” because he wants us to use our own personalities and wills to make those decisions. And we each will make a different decision. There is no such thing as group think in the Bible. We are called to live out the commands as ourselves.
So may you be reminded who you are, by your creator, God almighty. May you come to wrestle with God and be blessed through him bestowing your new identity on you. And may you live out that identity fully, letting your unique story be written as a reflection of your name.
Amen.