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My heart beats for love. I want to be different. I want to be who I am called to be. WORTHY and LOVED!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Thoughts on Ministry

I've been thinking a lot about ministry this past week - and what a blessing it is to have colleagues who have your back and understand what you are going though, even when others do not.

There are certain people along your ministry path who you solidify with well, or a certain group that you fit in with. For me this is both older clergy, who treat me like their granddaughter in the faith and apostolic line and and young clergy. Another young clergy who is having a tough year pulled me aside around the middle of last week and spoke such words of encouragement to my heart - telling me that I matter and my ministry matter. That seems so basic, but sometimes I seem to forget. He went on to say that my ministry is important because it is so different from my prior colleagues at this parish - they were high energy and go go go all the time. I'm more of a calming presence with a focus on spiritual formation and Christian education the programs. For this colleague of mine to notice this across such a distance was profound to me - even though we don't see each other very often he understands me in a very real way.




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Sunday, September 25, 2011

But How Do We Know What to Obey? - Phil 2: 1-13

Obedience is one of those words that seems to instantly make people think negative thoughts. Perhaps this is because obedience is most commonly used with the word not, as in “you have not obeyed me” or “why weren’t you obedient?” Other times, the thought of obedience makes us uncomfortable – we want to be our own person and follow our own rules and anything less feels like conformity. The result, when relationship is considered in obedience to God, is that we can seem to be in a perpetual state of trying to define ourselves apart from God by rebelling against God’s wishes – in other words we seem to be perpetually disobedient.

But in contrast to the negativity that can surround the context of obedience, we have Paul’s letter to the church in Philippi today – where he has words of encouragement and joy for them and an excitement about their obedience to this teachings. He is overjoyed that this group of followers are living out the realities of Christ’s glory in their present lives! They got it! They understood that what they were striving to become was something so much bigger then their own pride issues over being obedient – it wasn’t about them solely – it was about God’s kingdom!

Paul is like a parent in this passage – feeling a surge of joy and pride in the people he helped grow in the faith. Usually, Paul’s letters go out to churches who struggle to be obedient when he is absent. Like children who say one thing to a parent, and then do the opposite when they leave, many of the group of believers he taught back slid as he traveled on. But not Philippi – they got it! And they were thriving!

What hope this must have brought Paul as he was imprisoned, facing a pending execution. His legacy would live on and all of his work was not in vain – this one group of people was bringing other encouragement in Christ, sharing their love with all the met, having compassion and sympathy for those they interacted with – and constantly sought the spirit’s guidance. While other churches along Paul’s journey struggled, this community sought to live for Christ and not selfish ambition. This fellowship looked to the interest of others over themselves, and in doing so they magnified the love of Christ and modeled his obedience, even to death on the cross. Jesus sat aside all of the power that he could have had, and abandoned his equality with God, because above all God is love – and Jesus loved others.

For the church in Philippi this love was crucial. They took it on as a spiritual exercise – a spiritual experience. Obedience for them was not linked with mindlessness, or a lack of will – it flowed from their will to follow God, which was their daily choice. They knew that God’s love came before them, was with them, and would go beyond them once they left this world. And they yearned to be part of sharing this love with others.

What amazes me is that this fellowship of believers made the choice to be obedient knowing that the consequences could be dire. They choose to be obedient even though the one, who had taught them, their Spiritual Father, sat in a prison facing death for living out his beliefs. They may loose their status in society, their wealth, and their very livelihood and become outcasts, but they made that choice anyway, because in their lives, God’s love was worth following more then anything else.

So what about us? Ghandi once said, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Our Christians are so unlike your Christ.” Currently I am reading the book They Like Jesus But Not the Church: Insights Into the Emerging Generation for a retreat that I am leaving for this afternoon. The author, Dan Kimball, uses this quote from Ghandi to draw a parallel to how many people outside the church, and some people inside the church, feel about Christians – that we sometimes fail to live into the message of love that Jesus gave. We took Jesus’ teachings and want to teach them to others, but sometimes we don’t want to do the hard work of examining our own lives to see if we are really being obedient to Christ, really living the way God has called us to, marked by love. Ghandi made his now famous quote about Christians while struggling for justice for the oppressed in India, which he did out of love. He saw Jesus as one who modeled such radical love, but was not joined in his struggle by many of Christ’s contemporary followers. He didn’t see people like those in the fellowship in Philippi, those who put obedience and modeling Christ’s teaching above their own comfort and needs.

When reading one of the commentators on today’s scripture passage, I was struck by the statement that we are called to be imitators of Christ, not impersonator. An imitator wants to live in such a way that reflects the one that they imitate and they do this not for themselves, but to bring glory and honor to the one they respect enough to want to be like. However, an impersonator struggles hard to make people see them a certain way, a way that they are not really. They fake being something they are not in order to get their own acclaim.

Perhaps this is what makes the church at Philippi so different from some of the other places Paul traveled – they understood that it was not about them. Following Christ was not about making their lives better or being lifted up to a particular status in society or being part of the in crowd. It was about adopting a Christ like attitude daily.

I am sure that the people in Philippi stumbled a lot. But in their striving to imitate Christ, to be a reflection of Christ’s love, they had to be honest about the times they screwed up. An impersonator often acts as if everything is okay, even when it is not. An imitator uses their failures as an opportunity for growth, and try again. Because they understood that this was a daily choice, a process of living obediently.

If we want to be like the church in Philippi, we need to ask ourselves some very hard questions as individuals and as this gathering at Albright-Bethune. Can the world see Christ in us? Are people sensing the love of Christ through us? Are we striving to be more like Christ daily, imitating him, or are we simply trying to impersonate him for our own glory? Are we making the daily choice to be obedient to Christ? And when we struggle with obedience are we honest about this so we can learn from it in the future?

Brothers and sisters, Christ has chosen us to be his imitators in order to accomplish God’s mission on this earth. Sometimes we do this well and other times things seem to go very wrong. But like Philippians we have a daily choice – to choose to be obedient to what Christ has taught us through scriptures, what he modeled by dying on the cross, and following where the Holy Spirit is leading us daily. This is hard work, especially in the face of a culture that tells us to do things our own way and to think about ourselves first. Obedience is not childish nor is it something to be viewed with a negative connotation – it is a high calling to bring glory to a wonderful God. God has not called us to do something alone; for the Holy Spirit is always with us, and God has not asked us do anything that Christ has not done before us. We need to make the daily choice to set ourselves aside for the good of the body of Christ. We are called to practice what we recognize, so that people no longer look at the Church and do not see us as imitators of the one whom we love and follow. Amen.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Ageism

Generally when people refer to ageism - or prejudices against a certain age group - they are referring to the elderly. Especially in American culture, the elderly are not revered as they should be as beacons of wisdom, but rather as drains on society. But the last few days I've been thinking about ageism against the young. Young in this sense does not necessarily have to mean child, because the ageism I've been experiencing in the professional world has to do with me being in my mid-twenties.

Perhaps it is because I look younger then I am (which I'm told that someday will be a benefit, but right how it just feels like a burden) or the assumptions that accompany how I look (that I am uneducated, neieve, or lack life experience) but I've received just as many unnecessary comments from fellow clergy as I have from my congregation. The only place where i seemed to be appreciated for me, age and all, is with college students. I even had one of them tell me yesterday that he definitely got the "pastor vibe" from me. And the parents of college students are gracious as well, one telling me to make sure that I take care of myself and do not become discouraged. While clergy have the one of the highest. Burn out rates nationally, he could see that I am called to this profession to be a blessing.

But clergy, well that's another story. In the complex age where the denomination (along with others) is crying out for young clergy, I am constantly met with slight of the hand comments about my age, especially by second career pastors who don't know me. Alas, this does not come with the territory friends in other professions. But how to even begin to address this issue with congregations with so much resistance from fellow professionals?


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Friday, September 16, 2011

Unconventional

Over the past few weeks, so comments have been made to me that have given me pause, and have led me to some great memories. The first comment was that I'm like a little old lady. I know in the context of that comment, the person meant that I do not engage in activities that are common for my age. I would rather read then talk on the phone. I like to write longhand letters as opposed to emails. I love to knit (which I have been doing for 9 years) and cross stitch (which I started learning while in Brownies for Girl Scouts). It was as if the person who made the comment said that I was told old for my age. A similar comment was made this past week when someone told me that I have lived too much life for my age.

Such comments made me think about how we try to define what is the appropriate behavior for certain age groups. The psychological models that I studied in school, are no longer seen as guiding marks or a model, rather as absolutes. But we live in a world where absolutes are a rarity. But the thought of having absolutes give us comfort - we want clear boundaries that help us to define and then size up other people.

That creates a problem for me, because I've never really been conventional or engaging in the same activities as most people my age. Perhaps in was my introverted nature, but more likely it was just being encouraged to live into my passions - I was a children's program teacher by 7th grade, a Sunday School teacher by 10th. Some of the books we read for advanced English my senior year of high school I had read in 8th, books from the same class my sophomore year I had read in 4th grade. While others did projects to get by, I refused to hand in anything that I wasn't proud of or excited about. While other kids my age went to the movies, I would rather read a book at home. Currently, while other people may have a dog or a cat, I have a pet chinchilla.

My struggle recently is to embrace this unconventional part of myself - to be proud of and live into the reality that I don't act my age, because I firmly believe that there aren't real criteria of what someone should be doing at my age - there may be some guide posts (which is another post entirely) but I have lived the life I have been blessed with up to this point in the fullest, doing the things that I am passionate about. And if this means that I no longer fit into others assumptions or expectations, I'm okay with that. We need to embrace people for who they are, not who some psychological theorist tells us they should be. Otherwise, we are saying the creative God who made each of us unique, really just made each of us out of a conventional template.




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Sunday, September 11, 2011

Memories and New Beginnings

Friends, we are standing on holy ground! A place in time that is defined not only by the presence of our Holy God, but of a turning point - a time when we have been given a choice to either stay where we are in or to move forward.

What is this holy ground, this holy decision that we have been given responsibility over? Let us explore the story of Moses before we seek to find its parallels in our lives today: Moses had been through a lot in his early years. He had been born in a time when he should have been slaughtered simply for being a Hebrew, male child. Yet his mother risked her life to save his. She wove a basket out of reeds and placed Moses in it, hoping and knowing that someone would rescue him and raise him. She gave up her most precious piece of herself in this world, her newborn baby, in order to save him and to give him the life that she wished for him. She had her daughter, watch over the basket to make sure no harm came to her son, until the daughter of the Pharaoh came and drew him out of the water. She named him, Moses, and cared for him as if he was her very own.

Moses knew that he was different, that he was a Hebrew who was revered as an Egyptian. But he still considered the Hebrews who worked around him to be his brothers. One day he saw one of Pharaoh’s men who was set to supervise the Hebrews work as salves, strike one of his Hebrew brothers. And Moses killed him and buried him in the sand.

Later Moses saw two Hebrew men scuffling, and one hit another. When Moses asked them why they were quarreling with one another, the one who struck the other verbally lashed out at Moses, asking if he was going to kill him as a Hebrew, the same way that he had killed the Egyptian. Moses’ murderous secret was out. It had even reached the ears of Pharaoh who sought to kill Moses, thinking that true blood ran deeper and thicker then those who were raised as family. So Moses fled to the land of Midian, where he married one of the priest of the area’s daughters and formed a life for his family there as a shepherd. While Moses started his life as a sojourner, the Pharaoh who sought to kill him died, and the hardships of the children of Israel increased under the new rĂ©gime.

Which brings us to our point in the story today. Moses was tending to the flock of sheep owned by his father in law. He was alone in the wilderness, when a messenger from the Lord sent a flame onto a bush that burst out of the bush, but did not consume it. A sight never before experienced. Moses, realized that he was standing on holy ground, because of this unnatural occurrence. He turned his face away from the holy sight, and the voice of God called to him from the midst of this burning, but unconsumed bush, calling him by name. Moses responded by taking off his sandals, for his was standing on holy ground.

God laid it all out for him, saying, “I am the God of your father, of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I have seen the affection of my children, my very people, in Egypt and I have heard their cries in the face of the salve drivers. I have known their suffering. So I came down here, into this moment in time, into this bush, to you, to rescue them and bring them up to a land beyond their wildest imaginations. So go! I am choosing you, I am sending you to Pharaoh, to bring my people out of Egypt.”

But Moses did not exactly go at first. He recognized that he was hearing God. He turned away from the bush because he was afraid to see the face of God. He took off his sandals because he knew he was standing on holy ground. But he was afraid. He was afraid of the past, of what he had left behind in Egypt. He had worked so hard to shed the shell of who he once was, how he had defined himself, as a murder. And here this Holy being, had come to him and commanded him to strike out on the path of new beings. God had commanded him to leave behind the memories of his past that had consumed and defined him, and to leave behind his present safety for his family and himself, and move forward. God knew of Moses fear, even when all Moses could ask was “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt? Who am I?”

Friends, we are standing on holy ground today – this is a defining moment for our country and for us as Christians. Today is September 11th, 2011. Ten years ago on this day lives were lost as the world trade center collapsed and another plane went down in Pennsylvania. Today, we are standing on holy ground because God has given us a choice about how we are going to proceed. Are we going to get so caught up in memories of pain, rage, and sadness that we become stuck? Are we going to keep seeking to label and blame others simply because of their religion or color of skin? Are we going to live in fear of the past and let that define us, or are we going to move forward, with God, into new beginnings?

New beginnings are hard for us to understand sometimes, because we think that we need to forget whom we are or where we came from in order to start over. We think that we need to give up on the memories that have formed us – both the good and the bad – in order to choose the way of a new beginning, but this simply is not true. God’s name is defined in this passage of scripture to Moses, as “I will be there however I will be there.” Or in our English translations, “I am who I am.” Believe, brothers and sisters, that which is impossible for us to truly understand. God is not confined by our sense of time – of the past, present, and future. God simply is. Because of this incomprehensible truth, God simply asks us to sojourner the direction laid before us. And because God has given us free will, when we reach a fork in the road of our journey, we have a choice to make, will we continue to move forward into the unknown, or will we stay stuck?

I truly believe that God can redeem all moments for the glory of the Holy Three in One! Sometimes we need the memories of the past to propel us into a new direction in the future. But other times those memories become toxic – the type of memories that help us define ourselves and our mission in human terms instead of God’s terms. And brothers and sisters, human terms and definitions lead to messes. Moses realized this - can you imagine the guilt and fear that consumed him for years because he saw himself as one thing and one thing only – a murder. He saw himself, not as a kin of the holy, chosen people, but as one who was self-banished from them. Set apart from his family for his own self-flagellation. Inherent in Moses asking God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh?” is the bigger question, “Who am I that I am good enough to deserve to be spoken to by God? To be given a mission from God? To be allowed a new beginning?”

But what could this new beginning with God on this anniversary look like? I think it involves claiming some of the powerful images that came out of a horrible day – that when we see those around us in need, we step up and do the impossible. There is no better example of this then the first responders, firefighters, and police men and women who risked and sacrificed their own lives to save those whom they did not even know on that day. And surly we are never to forget the memories of those who lost their lives, needlessly, on this day ten years ago. But what are those memories calling us to do? Are we living in a way that honors those who died or are we living out a human agenda propelled by our emotions of rage and unspeakable sadness?

Friends, as a nation we’ve tried living out the human responses for ten years. What if God’s new way was one of radical peace? A peace that others do not understand, but that we live into any way? What if God’s new beginning for us, in this moment in time, was a chance for us to share an unbounded love for our neighbors right around the corner and down the street? What if this was our time to be creative about how to express our faith in this God whose name is “I will be there” our great “I am”. Can we truly let go and let God redeem this moment this tragic moment in history for good? Can we choose to venture down the road of new beginnings, even if we fear that we do not know fully where it will lead, but knowing that God goes with us? Can we forge new friendships across boundaries, that are authentic and life changing? Can we lay ourselves down in order to walk down the road of peace that others have forged before us.

May today be the day that we choose to let God our memories transform us memories into new beginnings.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Hard Lessons of Forgiveness for the Disciples - Matthew 18: 15-20

For some reason, Christians do not seem to fight well. Or perhaps most humans, despite their religious affiliation, don’t know how to fight well. But, as Christians, we should know how to deal with our disagreements with brothers and sisters in the faith, because Christ gave us clear instructions. And yet…

I have two friends. Both are Godly men. The first has been taught from the time he was little that the best way to deal with conflict is to ignore it. As a result, every time we had some sort of disagreement or he was upset at me for something, he would ignore me. Sometimes for weeks on end. And at one point in college, for an entire year. It was perhaps one of the most painful times in my life. Having someone so dear to me, ignore me, and refuse to tell me what I had done or said to prompt such a reaction. Ignoring conflict, actually only generated more suffering for both of us.

My other friend and I found that we both had the opposite approach to conflict. We wanted to lay it all out on the table and then sift through the verbal wreckage. This was equally as unhealthy as ignoring each other. But through time, we learned how to fight well. We would pull each other aside, if something was said or done that would hurt us. We would ask to speak privately later. At that point in time we would explain in an even tone, what happened and how it had affected us. The other person just listened. Sometimes they would respond, explaining their side of the event, but we always left covenanting to try harder next time.

I think Jesus’ advice to the disciples about how to deal with conflict say a lot without the need for words. For some deep truths lie in the assumptions behind what is being said. First, we have not learned how to fight well as a people. We have been raised in ways that impact how we interact with other people, especially when we become upset about something. For most of us, dealing with conflict has become our personal baggage. We have been abused, verbally, psychologically, or physically (sometimes without even really being able to identify it as such) and sometimes in our attempts to not replicate those patterns we do more harm then good. In order to avoid fighting with a person, out of fear of what may come of it, we ignore conflict completely and label it to be something bad.

Which leads us to the second assumption, conflict in and of itself is not a sin. And even those times when someone sins against you in such a way that leads to arguments or fighting, God can redeem both the sin and its results. Conflict is a time when we can truly learn from each other. It is also one of the most revealing ways to learn about someone’s beliefs and character. For example, the reason my second friend and I decided to learn to fight better was because of a realization we stumbled upon – we fight over what is precious to us. Often we assume that the other person we are engaged in conflict with knows deep truths about us that they often do not or that they understand the true meaning behind what matters to us and handle it with the same care that we do. When we realized that we fight over what is precious to each of us, we began to treat it as such. We also saw it as a holy moment – a time when someone who truly cares about our walk with God, can come along side us and speak truth into the dark places in our lives. When we stumbled into sin against another human being we were in relationship with, we needed that to be pointed out to us with love and grace.

Brothers and sisters, we are the church of Jesus Christ here on earth, today. Our relationships with each other should reflect this very truth. I think Jesus realized that as imperfect people there are going to be times when we screw up – when we don’t treat each other, as we should. When we gossip or lie about one another. When we share secretes that we shouldn’t. When we become angry about something that is said to us, by a person who may not understand the full impact their words have on our lives. But Jesus’ knows that we are called to be better then this – that he has given us the opportunity and the instructions on how to resolve conflict in such a way that brings honor and glory to the kingdom of God!

To Christ, each and every one of us matters. Each person who has ever walked this earth and who will come after us have value that is boundless. We need to be in the types of relationship with each other that show this to the world. We need to have relationships with our colleagues and the people that we meet on the street that reflects this. To Christ, none of us has the right to claim superiority over another.

So what does such a relationship that shines Christ’s love look like – when we have a problem with someone else in the church? If someone has done something to hurt you, you are to humbly pull them aside after praying about the situation. You are to talk to this person alone, and explain what the fault was as you understood or experienced it. If the person responds asking for forgiveness, you reconcile and move on. But if the person you sought to reconcile with refuses to listen, you bring another person into the conversation. A wise, neutral member of the body of Christ, so they can confirm what is being said and listen and respond with fresh insight. If your brother or sister still refuses to listen, then you bring the matter before the entire gathering.

Let us pause and take a moment to examine what Jesus is not telling us to do: Jesus is not telling us to approach the one who has sinned against us in such a way that alienates them. We are not to approach them yelling or cursing. We are not to discuss the matter with others before we approach them. We are not to enter into this time of reconciliation and healing in order to prove that we are right. We are simply entering into a space to be heard in such a way that may prompt future understanding.

And here is something that is hard for us to understand in our Western mindsets, if you are sinned against and not heard or if you are the sinner and refuse to listen, it does not give you an excuse to leave the church and seek another. This is hard for us to deal with, became in America, church is a voluntary fellowship that we join, and if things aren’t going our way, then we leave and find another church or swearing off Christian fellowship. Jesus instructs us to continue to interact with one another as we would a Gentile and a tax collector. These were people whom Jesus deeply loved and interacted with daily. He broke bread with them. He treated them with endless grace and dignity.

Why would Jesus take time to talk about conflict within the church, a concept that did not even exist yet in terms of our modern understanding? Because Jesus recognized the reality that we screw up, and that conflict between any members of the church doesn’t just affect them, but involves all of us. We are to reconcile not only for our own relationship with that person, but for the good of the entire body of Christ because we are bound together through Christ! And when we gather with each other, even if we are in conflict, Christ is in the midst of that as well, if only we call on his name.

Friends, we are the body of Christ on this earth to bring glory to the Kingdom of God by the grace of the Holy Spirit! Sometimes we let the pettiness of conflict consume us in such a way that fighting becomes what we identify church with, instead of this Triune reality. May we strive to be in better relationship with each other and with the world. May we take Jesus’ words to heart and make them our credo to live by in times of conflict. And in all circumstances, may we look to Christ, the one who has brought us together, to lead us to become the people we are intended to be – the people he sees us as, people of worth beyond measure.