About Me

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My heart beats for love. I want to be different. I want to be who I am called to be. WORTHY and LOVED!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Treating People as Equals

As I've been reflecting on my time in Denison working with Shalom a lot lately. I just have all of these feelings bottled up inside of me that I'm having a hard time expressing or sorting out. One of the biggest things weighing on my mind is how people are treated. Psychology tells us that we attempt to place people into categories in order cut down on the stimuli around us. However, psychology also tells us that while we do this, most of our categories and assumptions based on those labels are wrong.

In Denison, there are so many beautiful people, and everyone has a God piece inside of them. Yet, for far too many people, that piece has been trampled on by years of being looked down upon or ignored. I was told several times when I was asking people about their town and their passions that they aren't qualified or worthy to answer the questions or worse, that no one has ever really paid attention to them before. It broke my heart.

Then I returned to school, hoping to escape for a while from the world of labeling people. I wanted to return to being able to see everyone as a precious child of God and be in a society where they are affirmed. But that doesn't even happen all the time in a seminary. We still pick out who is worthy for admissions and who is not. And we get more excited about the gifts and talents of some instead of seeing that each person is a blessing to this earth in their own way. We treat people differently based on the categories we put them, which marginalize the multitudes. When will we start seeing with Jesus' eyes.

"Give me your eyes for just one second, give me your eyes so I can see everything I keep missing. Give me your love for humanity, give me your arms for the broken hearted, the ones that are far beyond my reach, give me your heart for the ones forgotten. Lord give me your eyes so I can see." -Brendon Heath

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Fitzgerald

One of my favorite American authors is F. Scott Fitzgerald. I love his use of words and interweaving of stories with poems and songs. Beautiful. I just finished This Side of Paradise, his first novel. I wanted to share some thoughts I had from it:

- We are so un-aware of the etymology of our words. For example, the word "doll" as used to describe women refers to a girl who looks pretty but doesn't talk. Someone who is pretty to look at, but doesn't have a thought, or someone men don't want to speak. Such a term was widely used in the 1920s, the period Fitzgerald write about, but it is still used today. However, we have forgotten the etymology, that it was at one time almost a derogatory word. We now use it to admonish women. Ladies how does that make you feel?

- At one point the main character is having a discussion with one of the girls he likes about his favorite season. When he reveals he functions around the liturgical calendar, finding Christmas and Easter to be most pleasant, the young girl (Eleanor) replies that Easter is "Spring in corsets!" While we might want to laugh at this at first, how true it is, especially in terms of the church! We take all the joy of Easter and stuff it into pretty dresses and gloves, missing the entire messy beauty of the risen Lord!

- At the end of the book, in the footnotes (yes, I do read them sometimes. haha) the 1920s was described as "the Jazz Age - that time when American culture [was] obsessed with youth, fashion, money, music, liquor, and sex." I had to giggle when I read this because it is just as true in 2009 as in was in the 1920, and just furthers my thesis that the new millennium is just a reliving of the 1920s.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Music

I love music. I love playing it. Listening to soft melodies come alive by piano key strokes. I love listening to all sorts of music.

But I also have a side of me that is nervous about the power music has over us. A few friends and I at Houghton dived into this conversation on a consistent basis - should lyrical phrases or musical progressions be used to get reactions out of people? That conversation has been playing in my mind with avengence while I have been in Texas. Some of the phrases in songs that I have been learning have rubbed me the wrong way theologically. Others have just been unbiblical. But people don't realize what they are singing because the melody has erased their attention to words.

I have also been struggling with the use of CDs in church. I understand the purpose, but the choir at the church I'm attending cranks up the CD volume and then tries to sing over it. Each of them has a beautiful voice, but you would never be able to tell. When will be confident enough to sing acapella again? Confident to rely solely on our own voices so we can reflect on the words.

And may we remember the rules of singing set out by the Wesley's:

1. Sing all. See that you join with the congregation as frequently as you can. Let not a slight degree of weakness or weariness hinder you. If it is a cross to you, take it up and you will find a blessing.

2. Sing lustily, and with a good courage. Beware of singing as if you were half dead, or half asleep; but lift up your voice with strength. Be no more afraid of your voice now, nor more ashamed of it being heard, then when you sing the songs of Satan.
3. Sing modestly. Do not bawl, as to be heard above, or distinct from, the rest of the congregation, that you may not destroy the harmony; but strive to unite your voices together, so as to make one clear melodious sound.
4. Sing in time. Whatever time is sung, be sure to keep with it. Do not run before, not stay behind it; but attend closely to the leading voices, and move therewith as exactly as you can. And take care you sing not too slow. This drawling way naturally steals on all who are lazy; and it is high time to drive it out from among us, and sing all our tunes just as quick as we did at first.
5. Above all, sing spiritually. Have an eye to God in every word you sing. Aim at pleasing Him more than yourself, or any other creature. In order to do this, attend strictly to the sense of what you sing, and see that your heart is not carried away with the sound, but offered to God continually; so shall your singing be such as the Lord will approve of here, and reward when he cometh in the clouds of heaven.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Delight

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
I was struck when I read this entire verse the other day in the context of the 37th Psalm. Often the second part of this verse is quote "the Lord will give you the desires of your heart" without the first part. In essence, this verse is saying, if you desire God then you will have God. But we have twisted the desires of our hearts, displacing the Lord, and then expect God to give us what we have put before Him.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Clean

From Will and Grace:
Grace: (Noticing her pedicured toenails.) Oh, wow. I love that color. What is it?
Karen: Grace, (sighs) there's no color, they just cleaned off your toes.

For the first time in years, literally, I cleaned all of the nail polish off of my toes. Usually when it gets chipped I just repaint over it, because there is a staple color that I like. But today its all gone. And as I looked down on my feet, seeing my bare toes, all I could think about was this quote from Will and Grace.

How often are we so dirty, so covered, that we don't know what we look like bare and clean? When we don't know ourselves how can others know us at all?

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Psalm 36

"You save humans and animal alike, O Lord." Psalm 36:6b

The church focuses on saving human souls, but what if we start to read the entirety of scripture that speaks of God saving the animals and the whole of the earth? What would that do to our narrow theology?

I for one really like the idea of God saving the whole earth. It puts us in right relationship with all of our neighbors - human and non-human. It also demands a shift in perspective away from ourselves and demands stewardship towards all.

Taking Our Time

Sometimes God blesses us with messages that are just what we need to hear or expand a thought that we had previously in the week. Today was such a message through the sermon at church. It was on going slow in our fast passed culture. She even mentioned dieting, which I had posted on earlier this week.

She also talked about cooking in a microwave which raised the question in my mind, "what do we loose by not taking our time?" Some of the best meals I've ever had were ones that I had to wait for. Meals cooked with friends after hours of preparation. Meals that took days worth of planning. And meals prepared in high end, busy restaurants, that were well worth the wait! When we settle for the microwave we forfeit health, quality, and learn nothing from what we are doing.

Isn't this perhaps the reason we are encouraged to fast? To learn to take our time? To enjoy life and think about all we have? What do we loose in our fast passed society?


Passive Aggressive

Anyone who knows me knows that I don't do well with passive aggressive people. Speak your mind in a respectful way. Do not make people guess what you are thinking based off of your actions or silence. I had far too much of that in my high school and early college years. It does not lead to constructive growth and just tends to hurt people (and damage you and your relationships).

Today was the blessed and dreaded day, the first Sunday after new appointments in the United Methodist Church. The vibe was not that great in the church I'm attending here. Essentially, the pastor chose to leave to go back to school thus a new pastor had to be appointed. And some people did not take it well, setting to let the pastor know how much they disapproved of her presence with harsh comments and making her life difficult during the service. My experience of the tension was compounded by the fact that most of the week my supervisor was on the phone talking about the new pastor, in this weird mix of slightly positive and mostly negative ways. I just wanted to jump to her aid and tell people that treating this woman badly will not bring their beloved pastor back. Part of the beauty of the United Methodist appointment system is trusting in God to provide for you through this new individual.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Genesis 35:1

"God said to Jacob, 'Arise, go up to Bethel, and settle there. Make an alter there to the God who appeared to you..."

What if we put ourselves into this story? What if we would listen when God tells us to go somewhere? To settle and make an alter to God, no matter what? Because God has appeared to us! Let us praise the Holy One!

Far too often we will not go, settle, and praise, because we forget Psalm 35:28 "My tongue shall tell of your righteousness and of your praise all day long." May we praise God is all circumstances!

The Little Couple

Yesterday afternoon my brain shut down, but my body refused to take a nap. As a result I found what is possibly my new favorite TV show, The Little Couple. Essentially it is the love story of Jen and Bill who both have been diagnosed with spondylo-epiphyseal dysplasia, a form of what is commonly known as dwarfism. Jen is 3'2'' and Bill is 4'. It tells of their struggles living in a world that does not accommodate anyone less than average size, but once again, above all it is about their life together.
Unlike Jon and Kate, Bill and Jen have a different motive for doing the show, they want people to be aware of the lives of people who are not "normal" by societies standards, in order to raise awareness but also to express sameness.
There are two reasons that I appreciate this show:
1.) Jen did not get married until she was 34. Amen! After going through a Christian college that celebrates "ring by spring", I have been affirmed that it is okay not to be married at the rip age of 21 or 22 right after graduating from college. I feel so happy for my friends that this is their story, but I have been seeking some type of affirmation that it is okay if it is not mine.
2.) This is a wonderful story to use to teach people about ableism - or the conforming of the world to the standards of what is "normal". People act like they are doing Bill and Jen a favor when they give them what they need just to function. They need to adapt to an area instead of the area being adapted for them. And people on the streets treat them with sympathy or like a commodity. This couple is seeking to educate people out what it means to be "differently-abled". If viewed properly, so much can be learned from this couple.

No Easy Way

I have become increasingly aware of how my presence sometimes makes people feel uncomfortable. Sometimes when people first meet me and find out that I'm a vegetarian and see how thin I am, it spurs them to go onto crazy crazy diets, especially when they don't feel good about their own self-image. And it has happened once again while here in Texas. The woman I am living with is going on a diet of just eating lean chicken and salad. She is looking to me to affirm her eating habits, which I don't feel that I can whole heartily do. What most people don't realize is that since I'm a vegetarian and have trouble digesting some foods, that I'm keenly aware of what my body needs and how it should be prepared for me. I can't tell her what to eat. But it breaks my heart to see her not engage in the whole food pyramid in the quest to loose a few pounds.

It also is a struggle for me to watch people change their diet for a period of time, but not change their life habits. While I am not the type of girl to go to a gym, I do have a lifestyle based around walking. It's one of the reasons I love being here in Denison, I can literally walk everywhere that I need to be! It reminds me of Pittsburgh and downtown Madison and Oakland. God has blessed me with legs and I am going to use them as long as the distance permits (and sometimes even when the distance doesn't permit ;) ). To seek to change your diet, but not to adopt some type, any type, of physical movement isn't the way to go about changing yourself.

It's also hard for me to watch people try to seek out an easy way, be it just changing a few food items while keeping the way they are prepared (like frying vegetables), or refusing to exercise in some way shape or form. There is no easy way to being healthy. I can tell you straight up that being a vegetarian is not easy. It means being creative with food choices. Insisting that there be a vegetarian option. Seeking out someone to tell you what is in the dish before you. And sometimes hurting people's feelings, when they make you a dish out of love that you wouldn't be able to eat without becoming sick.

Our American culture tells us to seek out the easiest and quickest way - buy this pill, exercise this way, or just drink this liquid, but nothing has been proven to substitute engaging the food pyramid properly and moving your body. But that isn't what we want to hear, because it isn't easy.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Family in Christ

"'Who are my mother and my brothers?' And looking at those who sat around him, he said, 'Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother!'" Mark 3:33-35
I am blessed to have such a large family in Christ in addition to my wonderful biological family! Praise God!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Sabbath

"Then he said to them, 'The sabbath was made for humankind, not humankind for the sabbath: so the Son of Man is lord even of the Sabbath.'" Mark 2:27-28
   This verse resonated at me this morning. I haven't been very faithful to observing Sabbath while here in Denison, either on Sunday or the daily times of rest. But God created the Sabbath for us, to bring us renewal for the tasks ahead of us. May I learn to honor what God has created. 

Softening Hearts

   We live in a world of coconut hearts. I'm not sure how many of you have tried to open a whole, fresh, coconut, but it is a process involving a hammer, nails, something to catch the milk, and then either more hammering or high heat from an oven. I often just give up when I try to open coconuts, settling for canned coconut milk and the dehydrated "meat" (ie shredded flakes) from the bakers isle. But when persistence gets the better of me, the reward of fresh milk and "meat" beats anything else. 
   So why am I explaining to you how to open a coconut? To make the point that the shell around the precious innards is so hard that it makes it a task demanding diligence in order to break it open and reap the tasty rewards. We live in a society where hearts are like coconuts, hard hard shells made from years of rejection and pain cover the vibrant part that beats life. And we are too lazy to break open people's hard hearts. We would rather be friends with people who have already had their shell broken away or we just assume that people with their shell will never change and accept their abrasiveness. But when we do that, we substitute the milk and meat of fresh life or the dehydrated stuff you get in the grocery store. We settle for the artificial instead of aspiring for what is true, because we live in a society that desires what is easiest and quickest with everything from how we eat to relationships.