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My heart beats for love. I want to be different. I want to be who I am called to be. WORTHY and LOVED!

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

This Will Come Across As Anti-Patratoic But...

“The flag and the cross are both spiritual. And they are both political. It is a dangerous day when we can take the cross out of the church more easily then the flag…It’s difficult to know where Christianity ends and America begins.”
Why do we always think that Jesus is a white, six foot man, with light brown hair, who glowed? This bothers me. In case you haven't caught on - Jesus was Jewish. Not only Jewish but from the Middle East. Meaning he probably had tan to dark skin, dark brown hair, and might have hit 5 foot 4. And no, while he was the son of God, he did not glow. Where did we get off placing this image of Christ in the minds of little American children? I guess this is really a world wide issue though. When I went to Israel, at the church of the Immaculate Conception (the Catholic version), there are all of these pictures of Mary and the Christ child out behind the church. Each depicted Christ and Mary as their own nationality. We are so eager to make Christ like us that we forget who he really was. And I'm left here wondering if that's okay. Christ WAS for everyone, but he was still the unique son of God and son of man. When we try to hard to make him something he's not - like American - are we losing his uniqueness?
I think part of the reason that we cannot separate American from Christianity with a clean break is because of this warped nationalistic view of Jesus we hold. Oh and the fact that we somehow see America as the honored nation of God (which we are not). The founding fathers placed Christianity at the center of the US government, this is true, but we have fallen far from there. I wouldn't want the rest of the world to think that we are Christian. It would give Christianity a bad name. We have become so religiously laxed that we have become morally laxed.

“Anything involving humans living together purposefully is political.”

I would not have considered myself to be overly political before reading this statement. I vote both locally and nationally on an informed level (which is about ten steps ahead of most of the population) and I send letters to my congressman about certain issues that touch my heart. But I have yet to attend a lobby - maybe someday. Or get arrested at a political demonstration - yet again, maybe someday. Or stir together a large group of people for what I believe. But wasn't that all at the heart of early Christianity? What have we lost? The UMC was at the beating center of the Civil Rights Movement along with other denominations. We have wanted to separate politics and religion so much that we forgot that they both involve people - a hurting people who need to have someone speak for them. We need to be that voice again. We need to not be afraid of getting our hands dirty. We need to be the rallying cry in Washington. We need to be political again.

“We vote every day by how we live, what we buy, and who we pledge allegiance to.”

Fair Trade. I was so surprised when I got to my second college and hardly anyone had heard of fair trade while my secular school had hounded it. Why is it that non-Christians can be more concerned about what they purchase then Christians? More to come about this after the 8th - my next presentation date.

“We have family members who are starving and homeless, or dying of AIDS, or in the midst of war.”

We now not only have a biological family but a family of all of God's children whom we should be concerned with. If someone in your "real" family or immediate family was homeless you would care and chances are you would go out of your way to make sure that they were taken care of. So why don't we show that same concern for our brothers and sisters in Christ? Aren't we called to love one another, show compassion, and provide for one another? Or have I missed the hidden part in the Bible where its perfectly okay to shun people and leave them homeless or not care?

“And the lives of thirty thousand children who die of starvation each day is like six September 11ths every single day, a silent tsunami that happens every week.”

Radio

Today we (Mom, Dad, and I) made the trek to NC. I'm checking out Duke Divinity School tomorrow and I'm excited beyond words! To put things in perspective - this my friends is my top choice for seminary. I'm applying to 4 but...

Anyway, we took my brothers car because the van is on the edge of death and my car is once again in the shop because I killed it in a snowbank (supposedly - we must add that clarification). The boy's car is amazing and I would take it except for one small hindrance, it doesn't have a cd player. That's right, we went eight hours on just the radio. And it left me repulsed.

To place this is perspective: I was reading Rob Bell's new book Sex God while the radio was playing in the background. There is a section in the book where Rob is talking about how woman in today's society are objectified and that causes both men and women to lose that small piece of God that is in them. And what is playing in the background but about five different liposuction commericals in a span on ten minutes. It made me want to cry. That was followed by some new birth control measure. It was all trash. THIS is why I CANNOT be defined by this society, this culture, because if I was I would drown in all of the unnecessary expectations. We need to figure out what matters and get back to it. NOW.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Rethinking

"Ask the poor. They will tell you who the Christians are." - Gandhi
"Popular culture has taught us to believe that charity is a virtue. But for Christians, it is what is expected."
Why do we do what we do? Do we serve others because it makes us feel good or because it is what we are CALLED to do? I believe there is a danger to approaching service from either of these mindsets. When we drudging do something out of obedience or approach service with selfish motives the people we are reaching out to can tell. I do believe that we are called to love those around us, but we are called to stop and see them as children of the Almighty, his masterpieces. I truly feel that the eyes are the portals to the heart and soul. We need to take time to be close enough to people to lovingly look into their eyes and see the beauty of God inside of a person. When we do that our motives no longer matter because we fall in love with another child of God and our heart becomes wrapped around them. Isn't that what service is truly about? Saying, 'I am your brother or sister in this awesome family that you may not even know you are part of. And family, my friend, love each other and give to each other until it hurts. Let me love you because Dad loves you.'

"Simplicity is meaningful only insomuch as it is grounded in love, authentic relationships, and interdependence.'
I've always been taught that interdependancy is a bad thing. In fact, prior to reading this book I have NEVER heard it used in a positive way. People used to say that I was part of a family that was too interdependent. Now I look back and question where I would be if my family wasn't this entwined. Today's sermon in church highlighted how we need to depend on Christ individually and the church corporately in order to be disciples. How true is that? If I'm off doing my own thing I don't need to include Christ or have anyone keep me accountable.

"To pray for "my" daily bread is a desecration; we are to pray for "our" daily bread, for all of us"

"Caesar can have his coins, but life is God's and Caesar has no right to take that. Once we've given to God what's God's, there's not much left for Caesar."

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Are we really THAT different?

"But if you ask the average person how Christians live, they are struck silent. We have not shown the world another way of doing life. Christians pretty much live like everyone else; they just sprinkle in a little Jesus along the way."
I've been questing why anyone would want to be a Christian. I look back on the past three weeks on the community I live in and the way that they are handling an issue that is very close to my heart and I want to cry. In my mind, being Christian in life and community means extending grace and forgiveness even when people don't deserve it in your mind. It means punishing for the purpose of redemption. Yet, the way my school functions in government, in the classroom, and in organization is quit similar to the way it was at Pitt. Praying before classes doesn't make us Christian. We should be living a noticeable difference.
I've had a few occasions on my life where people have came up to me and have stated, not asked, that I was Christian. The first few times this happened I was shocked and would inquire how people knew. It was never what I said, it was always what I did. Things that are automatic for me other people around me don't do. Please don't take this to mean that there are certain things that Christians have to do - a set list. But it does mean that we are called to reach the hurting world around us, however we can. I praise Christ more when I sit with a hurting friend for a few hours in silence then I do yelling at someone that they are going to Hell. Actions will always speak louder then words and when words actually come they will give meaning to what we are saying.
"Preach the gospel always. When necessary use words." - Franciscans

"Even if there were no heaven and there were no hell, would you still follow Jesus? Would you follow him for the joy, and fulfillment he gives your right now?" - Tony Campolo
This is an offshoot of the first question I asked, why would anyone be a Christian? At first I was a Christian because I was raised in the church. There was no other way. When I became old enough to seriously choose another way I saw the lives of those around me who went down that path and I didn't want it. Of course I always knew that I wanted to go to Heaven. But around twelfth grade I started to give that some serious thought. What if Heaven didn't exist? Why am I a Christian? Because serving a Master solely for eternal security seems selfish and like something that I wouldn't be called to. It's sort of a scary question. But if you start asking God what makes you you he starts to whisper back who you are to him. Let me tell you, it's amazing. And that answer extends to both who you are now and who you will continue to be in Heaven. It is who he fashioned you to be. But you need to start cultivating that person on earth by serving those around you. When I get so wrapped up in the future I forget that I am currently living as well. Do you think God gets frustrated when we think so much about being with him that we don't live for him now?

"When I fed the hungry, they called me a saint. When I asked why people are hungry, they called me a communist." - Dom Helder Camara
People are all about meeting immediate needs (if they do anything at all) but they are not going to look to the root of any problem in most cases. Maybe the root just seems to big, too overwhelming. But I think if we look at the cause we will realize that we play a part in it. For example, we could sponsor a child through compassion and say that we are saving them from sweatshops, but really if we take a minute we would realize that the shirt we are wearing is the reason that sweatshop exists in the first place. If we look at the root cause we will no longer be the hero.

"This love is not sentimental but heart wrenching, the most difficult and most beautiful thing in the world." - Dorothy Day
As Americans I think we like to see love as something that we can offer to other people that makes us feel good. Love has good feelings attached to it. But over the past three years I have learned about the other part of love - the part that no one wants to tell you about. When you truly love someone your heart breaks for them. You feel what they feel. You become enmeshed with them. You can feel the other persons hurt and joy. When you are THAT connected to someone, even if it is just one way, it is truly beautiful because it reflects what community and life should be like, but I'm not going to lie, it hurts beyond words as well.

"When we are trying to teach kids not to hit each other and they see a government use violence to bring about change, we start to consider what it means to give witness to a peace not like the world gives."

Worship

Last night Cate and I went to go see Tomlin and Redman in concert. Wow. First off, it was a little over four hours long, which is amazing in itself. But more then that I love Chris Tomlin because he is authentic in his worship and you can tell that his heart cries for the church to worship God. It's nothing short of beautiful.


I've been pretty sick this past week. Starting Tuesday I had intense nausea, wed and Thursday I lost my voice, and Friday I had a fever. Woohoo! Anyway, it was hard for me to sing. But sing I did, at least for the first half of the concert. Then I was completely exhausted and just sat and took it all in for the second half. Do you have any idea how beautiful it is to watch hundreds of people worship God together yet separately?


For the past year at school there have been some people talking about how we need to become less individualistic in our worship to God. I don't know how I feel about that. Because when we worship as individuals we have the opportunity to express in our own unique way to God what we are feeling towards him. I do think that we need to realize that we are a member of the larger Church and that we are never alone in our worship, which is beautiful to God, but I don't think we should diminish our personal expression to God. Part of the beauty in evening was during the second half of the evening when I scanned the building: to my left people were sitting and praying, to my right people were raising their hands, down front was a huge pit of people just going crazy for God, and then down front to the right there was one man just prostrate on his knees before God and a young woman dancing freely in the corner. This is worship. There is no set design for it is all beautiful to the Creator.


The theme of the evening was "How Great is our God" and there was a message. The message started by describing how vast God is and how big stars are and he know each of them by name. Then how small our earth is, yet he created it. Then how tiny we are in comparison to all of that, yet God fashioned each of us perfectly in our mother's womb and hears us when we cry. Then this really hit me at the end of the sermon:


This is the protein Laminine. This is what holds every part of our being together. Familiar in shape? So really the cross does hold every piece of our lives together. And God clings to us even when we do not cling to him.

What is comfort?

"Among the wealthy we can find the most terrible poverty of all - loneliness."
How many of my friends are lonely people? How many people that I am acquaintances with cry out for someone to love them. The funny thing with wealth is that it can create an illusion as to why people care about you. Do people like you for you or what you can do for them? This question can arise in the mind and create a blockade of mistrust that prevents one person from getting to close to another. But when you have noting and are in poverty - all you have to offer to others is yourself and it is a beautiful thing.
My family is pretty well off- more then we like to let people know. We have been raised to feel slightly uncomfortable when discussing money with people outside of our family and most people have no idea about the money that my parents bring in. We have also been raised to give and give a lot. I started tithing when I was six years old and things just grew from there. The rest of my family is the same way. Money goes to missions, money goes to the church, money goes to people around us in need. And in giving we realize that wealth isn't ours, it's God's and we are giving it back to him to go to other people in his family.
We've also been raised to give of ourselves. My family contains some of the most self-less people I've ever met. Gram is probably the prime example. She gives all she has of herself to those around her, and I would venture to guess that she is not a lonely person. In fact I know she isn't. We've talked before about how being alone with God isn't the same as being lonely. Loneliness is the death of the human soul. How can we stop so many people from dying?

"They cared for people and put stagnant nominal Christianity to shame. They took tremendous risk to invite people to experience love, grace, and community."
"The temptation we face is to compromise the cost of discipleship, and in the process, the Christian identity can get lost."
This is how I want to be. While reading this book I came across a few sentences that just shattered my perception of myself. It was like God's gentle push for me to become someone above who I am. This is one of those sentences. I've been thinking about what the average persons conception of a Christian is - the stereotypes - and how I either fit into those descriptions or just shatter them. I want to shatter them. In thinking about Pittsburgh, I sometimes wish that I could go back and do things over again. Maybe said a little more or said a little less about faith. But then I think about the reaction of a few people after I left and some of the things that were said to me about how I live my faith out and call people forward in their own faith. In these words I know because I invited people to experience an uncontainable love their lives have been changed. Isn't that what life is really about anyway? Just experiencing the hallmarks of God - love, grace, and community. What would happen if more Christians lived out what they paid lip-service too? What would the world look like? Would people around us fall in love with Love again? Would Christians themselves fall in love again? I think the Christians around me are in the same desperate need for nominal perceptions of Christianity to be shattered as non-Christians are. What is the Christian identity and what should it be?

"Jesus never said to the poor, 'Come find the church' but he said to the church, 'Go into the world and find the poor, hungry, homeless, imprisoned', Jesus in his disguises." - Tony Campolo
Since when do we think that inviting people to church is the cure all? I'm not going to lie, the Bride of Christ struggles sometimes and is definitely less then perfect. But someday when her bride returns she will be as white as snow. But until that time I think it is foolish to go up to someone who is starving, broken, homeless, etc and say "Come to church." If we don't meet people immediate needs first and go to them where they are at and love them and provide for them, why would they ever go to church? If we as Christians don't think that the Church can fix everything why tell someone that who is worse off then we are? The church doesn't exist to be a closed in group of people who invite other people to come to them. This is one of the dangers of church buildings - we become confined to four walls. When really the church is supposed to be a moving group of people who go out into the community around them and touch lives. Because really I feel that touching someones life is more important then handing them a track. We shouldn't say "Meet Jesus - Come Here" we should say "I AM the hands and feet of Jesus - Welcome".

"Do not worry about your career. Concern yourself with your vocation and that is to lovers of Jesus."
I'm pretty sure I know where I'm supposed to go next in life - to get my MDiv or maybe my MDiv/MSW. But the next step after that is unknown - college ministry? local church? church planting? And really I'm okay not knowing. Because of this realization - I'm just called to be faithful in loving those around me. If I'm giving of myself and touching those around me in love then the rest will be taken care of. I am called to be nothing less then a lover of God and people. Yes, there are ways that I can do that better and I should explore what those ways are. I should be responsible in laying myself at God's feet and asking what is the best way for me to serve him and his children, but if I cannot love in that career then it is the wrong one. Agape.

"It made sense to be single, and many of the people I had grown to admire had lived beautiful lives of singleness."
I'm almost 21 years old and I have never dated. By culture's standards I am nothing short of a freak. Another sad fact is that I think I can count on one hand the guys whom I have truly like over the years. I think its because in seventh and eighth grade -while other girls were starting to think about kissing and where your hands should go and how to please their boyfriends I was thinking about what I want in a husband. I actually have a list of qualities written down and have prayed over them. I am secure in the fact that if God wants me to be married he will provide a man with these qualities. I won't compromise. I know I shouldn't compromise.
However, singleness still scared me. I had this idea that as a woman in ministry I should really have a husband there to support me. But over the past two weeks I've been smacked in the face with how wrong that is. There are five people whom I truly treasure and admire who have done so much for God as a single person - Mother Theresa, Chris Tomlin, my local pastor, a good pastor friend of mine from my district, and Shane Claiborne. I see the benefits of being single. And I'm not frightened anymore. This doesn't mean that I don't still desire a husband - but I'm not going to go looking. I'm just going to chase after God with my whole heart. That is my primary reason for living. Because according to Shane Claiborne, "Life is a romance with the divine."

Thursday, February 22, 2007

"Christian scholarship is the Church's prodigious invention to defend itself against the Bible, to ensure that we can continue to be good Christians without the Bible coming too close."
I love to learn. We're not just referring to sitting in a classroom learning either. We are talking about reading a book and formulating questions and getting into heated conversations with other people who are passionate about learning and applying what they learn to life. There's a secret danger to learning though - what I learn I am now responsible for. I can no longer claim ignorance. For someone who loves knowledge and it's application, that's frightening.
I have had this lyric running through my head for the last week. I don't even remember what song its from, but it is "I will not be silent anymore." I think a more appropriate line (my adaptation) is "I CANNOT be silent anymore." When something is brought to your attention there is so much that comes along with that. When I know about what is happening in Darfur I cannot be silent. When I know about sweatshops and Nike's connection to all of that, I cannot be silent. When I see the hurting and know that they are ignored, I cannot be silent. When I see Christians not acting as Christ would, I cannot be silent.
If I can learn all these things from sources outside of the greatest book, The Bible, the commandments and covenants that God has spoken over me, how much more is the Bible going to tell me that I cannot be silent anymore? If I actually read the Bible and see it as the passionate love song that God is singing over me that is going to rock my world. Am I ready for that? Or do I want to hide in ignorance? If I distance myself from what I am learning I can claim that it is false, but when I experience it, I can no longer turn away in ignorance.

"We can do no great things, just small things with great love. It is not how much you do, but how much love you pit into doing it." - Momma T
Mother Theresa was a passionate lover of God. When I look at her and her life, I can see myself staying single and being more then content. We are only two months into the semester - a semester which is radially different for me. I am only taking 16 credits and work 12 (really less then that) hours a week, and have cut back on my activities. And it just seems like God has been placing these people in my life to love. He whispers, 'This is my child. See Me in them and love them.' I didn't set out on a mission to love, but that is what has resulted. It took a while to realize that if I show genuine love to even a few the results will be a ripple effect, an unstoppable tide of love. It may seem small to me, but the effects are beyond my comprehension. I think that is why God calls us to love him and to love others, because love is what we yearn for and it is what we cry for and it can only come through relationships.

"They (the lepers) had not chosen to live in "intentional community." Their survival demanded it."
I've been thinking a lot about community to. I go to a school that advertises itself as a Christian community. I work for the school and I'm told to sell this for all it's worth. But lately I've been feeling like I'm lying when I stress community - a community that isn't lived out and only exists in our minds. We crave authenticity and community and without it, we die. Just like the lepers who couldn't live without their community, we too cannot survive. When are we going to realize that we are not made to be self sufficient?

"As I left Calcutta, it occurred to me that I was returning to a land of lepers, a land of people who had forgotten how to feel, to laugh, to cry, a land haunted by numbness. Can we learn to feel again?"

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Ash Wed.

So today is an important day in the life of the Church - it is Ash Wed, the day which marks the beginning of Lent. I'm not sure why but I've always been a huge fan of the periods of preparation and celebration within the Church instead of the actual days themselves. For example I like Christmas and Easter but they feel so corrupted and superficial sometimes. But the seasons of Lent and Advent and Epiphany and Pentecost are these times that are just filled with personal and corporate reflection.

So today is Ash Wed, one of the major days during this period of preparation along with Maunday Thursday and Good Friday. All of these have had growing significance in my life as I study church history and litergy. I am in awe that a church father had the idea to create a time of reflection on the sinful creature I am, yet at the same time pointing me towards the cross joyfully. Amazing. I wish I could put into words what I feel right now, but I can't explain it.

I went to two services today. One was part of Evensong - a 30 minute bi-monthly liturgical service on campus. The other was in Bellfast. At Bellfast they actually made the ashes in front of us with the old palms and slips of paper where we wrote our sins. It wasn't the greatest smell. And I was thinking 'is this how God views my sin, a wretched smell?' But my friend Stefan pointed out that it could be a sweet smelling sacrifice to God.

I received ashes at Evensong and then just worshiped and reflected at the longer service at Bellfast. While I was praying a woman who I didn't know came up and tapped me on the shoulder and whispered "You have the most beautiful voice I've ever heard." I wasn't sure how to take that and maybe someday I'll post just on that.

When I got back to campus I was studying and hanging out with people. A few people pointed to my head and gestured that I needed to wipe off the mark and I explained about Ash Wed which led to people asking if I was Catholic. No, I am not Catholic, but Ash Wed is a universal Church holiday. One person told me that Lutherans and Catholics are the only ones that celebrate it. Well, I'm UMC and here I am. If, and I do stress if, this is solely a Catholic holy day, why couldn't we as Protestants claim its meaning as well as Lents in order to enrich our spiritual lives? We need to start seeing our brothers and sisters in Christ as those who are traveling the road to the cross with us. We need to encourage one another and point each other to truth and if Ash Wed I will not shy away.

Homeless

"'How can we worship a homeless man on Sunday and ignore one on Monday?' It too we a minute to realize that they were talking about our Savior being a homeless man."
This past week I've been thinking a lot about fighting for causes vs. fighting for people. I can say that I want to work to fight poverty and homelessness (insert any other cause for this one) but it is NOT the same as loving the destitute. In fact, I'm starting to think that until we start putting faces to causes they don't start to really touch our heart and burn passionately in our soul.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

When the Truth Hits

I just finished The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical by Shane Claiborne. I haven't had time to read this book. I started it a while ago and finally finished it, even though I really didn't have time to read it now either. But it couldn't have came at a better time. I have been (and I am) struggling with a lot of thoughts right now and this book affirmed some of my thoughts and challenged me too.

"But I did not meet God in the halls of the Christian college like I had expected I would."

This is how I feel. Like I had these expectations of what a Christian college should be. Now I am wondering if I was nieve or unrealistic. At the same time shouldn't I look different as a Christian? Shouldn't anything bearing the name Christian look different, even if it is an adjective? Am I different? And if we can't be distinguished then are we really doing anything other then conforming to the world and trying to be like everyone else? I don't want to be like everyone else. I want to be who I am called to be. And if that means that I trust a little more, love until it hurts and then love some more, and forgive and offer grace even when it seems foolish then that's what I want to be.

"I saw a street kids get twenty bucks panhandling outside of a store and then immediately run inside to share it with all of his friends. We saw a homeless man lay a pack of cigarettes in the offering plate because it was all he had. I met a blind street musician who was viciously abused by some young guys who would mock her, and one night even sprayed Lysol in her eyes as a practical joke. As we held her that night, one of us said, "There are a lot of bad folks in the world, aren't there?" And she said, "Oh but there are a lot of good ones too. And the bad ones make you, the good ones, seem even sweeter."

But I keep questioning something, what if we don't stop and love this woman and people like her? What if we ignore the need that is in front of us? Are we really any better then the people who sprayed her in the face?

Dangerous Ideas

I was told last night that I like to create controversy. Especially in classes. I don't think that's true. I think that I just have an opinion that is different from most people and that it can get me into trouble if I don't monitor myself. Really, I think people should be impressed by how much I do contain my thoughts. I know full well that if I said everything that I thought, I wouldn't be here.

Today in cults I had one of the moments where I only half shared my thoughts, but I guess that was enough. We were studying this cult that is about love and making people unified in one love. While there are many teachings branching out of this, unifying love is the chief center. There were some people in the class that were ragging on the cult and I just blurted out what I was thinking. How bad could it be? There were only two minutes left. All I said was that this cult fulfilled a need that people are searching for - love and community - that the church has promised but hasn't fulfilled. I didn't think it was that bad until someone from Cults came up to me after class.

I leave you with a thought from an email that I received yesterday about the word dangerous when it applies to people:

"If you mean "dangerous" to be "changing the status quo", then you are far more dangerous because people will listen and respond to you and be forced to think about what you want to say, whether they want to or not (like me), and there's a good good chance that the community will change because of that."

What is "Christian"?

I do not claim to know the mind of God. I think to do so is foolish because God's ways are outside of my realm of reality. However, I do think about what God might think about a situation sometimes, especially the decisions we make under the context that we go to a "Christian" school.What does that exactly mean?

Rob Bell hit the nail on the head when he said "Christian is a great noun and a poor adjective." Some people would believe that Christian School is just a compound noun. No, Christian is the adjective that we have placed in front of the noun school to describe Houghton. We hope that if we stress the word Christian enough that it will add validity to anything that we say or do. We can claim that we do the "Christian" thing by dictating who we want our students to be and what we want them to act like.

The other day in psych class we were talking about conformity and how some students never felt like they were being put inside of a box until they came to Houghton, who wants to make us into cookie cutter Christians. I partly agree with this statement, but I think it is up to us to define our own faiths. We cannot rely on our home Church, the faith of our parents, or who Houghton wants us to be. I really don't feel confined in my faith at Houghton, mostly because I'm a strong willed individual who has resolved to expressing what I believe, even if it upsets other people. This is the time in our lives, as college students, that we should be growing with one another and developing our own faiths. And if my own faith looks like a Post-modern who believes in anaialism and some weird cross breed of open and closed theism all of my own who wants to see the return of community like Acts 2 and sees the church growing through relational evangelism then so be it. It does not make me any less of the noun Christian.

I would argue that the reason that people feel like Houghton is trying to cookie cutter their faith is because that is what they WANT them to do as an institution. Argue with me as you wish, but if more people were willing to explore their own faith, read the Bible not as a text book but as the breathed words of God, and think on their own then no one would be fitting into the cookie cutter model. God did not make us to be like this. We are given a personality through which we know and worship God. We are a community of people (as the Church) who all believe that Christ has died for our sins, so we can know God, but we know God in personal ways. If we as students could spend more time defining our faith and less time gossiping then we would be a stronger body of believers who did not feel pressure from an institution to be the same. If we would be lifting up each other in prayer instead of maliciously attacking one another. If we would be engaging in intellectual conversations that challenge one another instead of checking facebook. If we could be serving one another instead of worrying what others think of us. If we could be more eager to learn at the feet of our teachers and with each other then stressing about grades If we could be be a community instead of a collection of self- centered individuals. Then we would break out of the cookie cutter and be everything that God wants us to be. Then Houghton would be a body of students, faculty, and staff who are on fire for Christ and this campus could really reach out to the breaking and hurting world around us, in both our own school community and around the world, and be vessels for the restoration of God.

I was talking with Shane yesterday at lunch about the indentity crisis that Houghton finds itself in - between wanting to be more of an academic community and being more like a state school. Okay, first off, whoever made this comment really needs to go to a state school. I attended the University of Pittsburgh for a year. I have friends that are at Penn State University. Both groups would be repulsed by that statement. My academics were more challenging at Pitt. It's the truth. I was forced to learn and think on my own. I had to break out of the idea that grades are what matter and come to the realization that I am being taught by some of the top people in their fields and an 'A' just isn't feasible. I read more. I was involved in more activities (church, community, and school) and I had more fun. I hate to break it to you, but making an 'A' be a 96% or higher does NOT make a school more academically challenging. All it does is perpetuate students to become so focused on grades that they lose sight of the more important things in life. No one is going to care what grade you got in any of your classes when you leave Houghton, but they are going to care if you learned anything. They are going to care if your work is a chore or a way to glorify God. They are going to care if you really had a liberal arts education and can connect different subjects. And here, my friends, we are failing. Miserably. We need to rethink what education really is before we go wondering what type of school we want to become. And we need to figure out what type of students we are attracting to our school and figure out how to help them make the transition from being self-focused on grades to community and world-focused in breadth of knowledge.

I would also contend that being "Christian" does not give us the authority to make some of the rules we do or to unfairly punish people when they break them. God is our loving father and just like a real father he has to punish us sometimes. I remember when I was little I had this huge biting problem. I just gnawed on other people and left marks and once I remember making someone bleed. One day my dad bit me back. Yes, it was punishment, but it was fair punishment, I never did that thing again. My dad didn't have to sit there and beat me to make a point. He just bit me, not even that hard, and it was over. Punishment from God is also never excessive. But we as humans force these excessive punishments on other people in order to make a point. We want to show not only that we don't approve of a persons actions, but we are better then them because its something we would never do. This is in fact a lie. I think unconsciously we are worried that the actions of another are something that we WOULD actually do. And if we punish the other person in a severe enough fashion then we are sending the message to ourselves not to engage in "sinful" behavior. There is one problem in all of this. We are saying that we are bringing the punishment of God for sinners, but we forget the huge factor of grace. God has shown grace to us, therefore, we should show grace to others. Where is the forgiveness in this "Christian" community? If the staff cannot show grace towards students how are students supposed to show it to one another? Do you want to know what my school's "Christian" community actually looks like from the inside? It is a place where students hold on to regrets for way to long and cannot share them with anyone out of fear of punishment and being judged. It is a place where when students do have the guts to admit they did something wrong, and show honesty and integrity, they are unfairly punished. It is a place where depression runs ramped - both diagnosed and undiagnosed. Here students can hang on to hate for their fellow student for so long that they cannot even remember why they are mad. Here we don't show love and compassion and care for each other because we would rather play the almighty judge and gossip behind the persons back. And if this is what a "Christian" school then I would rather not be connected to it. I would rather be at Pitt and in Clearfield, where as "heathen" as we are at least we are authentic.

I leave you with another thought from Rob Bell, "Something can be labeled "Christian" and not be good or true."