About Me

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My heart beats for love. I want to be different. I want to be who I am called to be. WORTHY and LOVED!

Monday, January 4, 2010

"What do you do?"

I had a really good DComm meeting today. One of the questions that got me thinking was "what do you do to relax?" I truly believe that this question came from a place of deep concerns for me and the pace at which it appears I live my life.
As I sat in my car reflecting more on this question after my meeting two thoughts popped into my mind. First, its really hard for me to answer a question like this and when I do it never meets people's expectations. Unless people know me very well they think I'm an extrovert which I'm not. I find peace in alone time - taking walks and reading. But in the car, I realized that I relax by doing the things that I do naturally - cooking, cleaning, sewing, writing letters to friends. It is in those everyday activities where I find freedom, peace, rest, and wholeness, even if it just seems like busy or mundane work to others, I find rejuvenation it them, not busyness.
Secondly, I find it ironic that people ask what we "do" in order to rest. It seems contradictory, especially to me. I find that rest comes from just being, not focusing on a list of what to do. I think that's what I love the most about Sabbath, we just be, and do not produce. At the end of the interview I was asked what I was going to do when I got home, and I couldn't really answer. I didn't know. These past two weeks and the week to come are three weeks of Sabbath, not living by a time schedule or a to list or doing/ production, but fully being - and embracing the beauty that comes from it.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Endings

I have stumbled into a bad habit recently - I have been flipping to the last few pages of the novels I have been reading to see how the story ends. I know, I know, it defeats the purpose of being caught up in the story line the author is weaving, but it helps me determine if I really want to continue reading.

I guess my new found focus on endings stems from recent disappointments. I watched all seven seasons of the Gilmore Girls this past semester only to be disappointed by the abrupt ending that left far too many questions. I experienced the same feeling when reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - the epilogue was unnecessary and did nothing more than spark questions.

Perhaps the antithesis to my bad habit is patience. I am not patient enough to just enjoy the story line and accept whatever the ending will be. I have striven for a long time to manufacture my own endings, with some success and a lot of failures. However, letting come what may still scares me, the unknown is a hard thing to face and work towards. But perhaps that is why patience is a process more than a gift; something that you take baby steps towards instead of just being able to be fully patient all the time. A spiritual discipline in the truest sense.