About Me

My photo
My heart beats for love. I want to be different. I want to be who I am called to be. WORTHY and LOVED!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Part two

2.) I’m not someone who gets easily upset by texts. But as I was reading post modernism the other day I freaked. I was so upset that I felt that I should go and talk to the prof about the material to try to get some redirection. The text was written by a pastor who had grown very disillusioned and angry with the church. In fact, I should probably be using a stronger descriptor then the word angry. Every time he referred to Christians he had some vicious adjective in front of it.
All I could think of was Dr. Eckley. One of the most profound statements that Eckley ever presented to me was that “If you aren’t making people angry as a pastor then you aren’t doing your job.” This is so true. And it is reflected in my life – I have no problem making people angry speaking the truth. BUT there is a flip side to this as well. You must speak the truth in LOVE. Not a single statement out of the article that he wrote was written in Love of his Christian brothers and sisters. What would happen if a non-Christian read this book? They would walk away with the impression that we are incapable of even loving those who are also Christians. This isn’t postmodern at all. In fact it’s a complete opposite from the ideal. In an attempt to make a strong argument, the author became exactly what he was advocating against.
How often does this shift also happen to us where we try so hard to be the opposite of what we dislike that we actual metamorphose into that which we hate. It’s like the paradox of life. I was reading Psalm 35 this morning where the author is asking God to destroy those who hate the author because evil must be destroyed. Words of this magnitude cannot be penned without hate flowing through your veins. Isn’t that just as evil? Just as much a sin? Where are the words of truth that are spoken in love?

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Part one of two

Two short updates. I don’t know if I’ll post them both at once, but here we go.

1.) I’ve been feeling very lonely lately and disconnected. It’s actually a feeling I’ve been battling all summer. It sort of came to a head on Tuesday (if you need more details ask, but let’s just say it was rough) and I’m left feeling very disoriented. Prayer would be fantastic. Fantastic.

Sadly, we have had very little contact with Kingsely students. Three of my four classes are void of Australians other then the prof. Which is frustrating. It’s less as if we are crossing cultures and more like we are just importing American culture into Australia. But today, I was talking about Post Modernism in the computer lab and Shannon, one of the Kingsley students and I began to talk. It didn’t take us long to see that we had a lot of similar interests and personality quarks, so she invited me over for tea. I left about two hours later after talking to her and another student, Coco, about everything and anything, from ministry to life to differences in learning styles. It was refreshing. I’ve missed talking. I know that sounds funny. But I do. I’ve kept silent about a lot of things while I’ve been here and it’s part of the reason I’ve been feeling cramped. So it was nice to expand my horizons to talk to new people. As an added bonus, they are staying here during break so Shane and I will get to spend time with them. :o) Yeah!
Update two to come at a later time.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Basking in the Sunshine

So I’m sitting outside in my t-shirt and Jeans, watching my neighbor hang up his wet wash and thinking that it is way to beautiful to be winter. Spring here starts on the 1st of Sept, right around my birthday, which I think is the beginning of fall back in the Sates, but I’m not sure.

As I sit here, I’m struck by the sheer essence of the moment. The beauty in being alone, at least once in a while. We didn’t get to go to church yesterday, because we went to a wildlife sanctuary instead. In ways it reminded of the “church service” that I had at Massade in Israel. You don’t always have to be with other believers in a building to worship God, but the wildlife sanctuary just wasn’t it for me. It was hard to find the ability to worship in the fact that we, humans, took animals out of the wild for our own enjoyment. Not only did we take them away from their home but we further enslaved them to our domestic lifestyle by giving them names like “Bernice the Bird”. I can’t really explain why I had such a problem with this, but I did. I think it has to do with the contrasting motives behind Shaver’s Creek in PA, which rescues animals, and Helysville, here, just taking them. It seems so unjust, so ungodly. I’ve been struggling with the idea of dominion over creation the last couple of days, especially as I read for History and Lit about the explorers claiming land. What ever gave us the right to claim land for our country and kill one another over it? It would seem that wasn’t the plan in the Bible, but maybe I’m wrong. We went from looking at nature and being awe-stuck and saying “This is God’s and it’s a reflection of Him” to “This is for the Queen”. Does this really make any sense at all? It’s like we are claiming for ourselves what is God’s.

I’ve been feeling very drained, emotionally and physically, the last couple of days. It took getting up this morning, after attempting to sleep in, to realize that I haven’t been taking anywhere near enough “me” time. As I want to bond with this group of 21+ other people, I’ve given up what I need. Shame on me. I’ve still be doing devotions in the morning, but it is when the other girls are in a rush to get ready and are running around. It’s not the same as taking the time I need to go off by myself and just have a safe place to sit and enjoy life, and freely think. It’s felt so good to do that. I had a chance to let my fingers grace a piano today which felt amazing, the expression you can get out through a familiar song. I also found an amazing spot in the library to read and journal. Please, keep me in your prayers, specifically that I remember to take the time I need to be connected and re-charged.

As I said, the last couple of days have been crazy and I haven’t had any time to myself. On Saturday we went to our first Footy game. I guess the best way to describe it is American football-ish as the basis, then you can hit the ball like a volleyball, meets rugby, with basketball thrown in there too. My new buddy, Leda, and I just sat there dumbfounded, trying to figure out what’s going on. It was made even more difficult in that there are no time outs or fouls, just continuous play per-quarter. It isn’t like anything I’ve ever really seen; maybe if I was more versed in sports as a whole. Haha. Anyway, what struck me was how absolutely violent the game is. Pretty much the premise is to get the ball by any means necessary. Leda and I were spellbound by the fact that no one died. She best described the game as “Our Barbarian, or primal, instincts coming out. To win by any means necessary.”
At the game I was surprised by how quiet the fans were. There was cheering, but it was respectful most of the time. Nothing like my familiar Pitt football where fans fall out of the stands and the drunk people next to you try to throw things at the other fans. In fact, another HDU, Ruth, next to me, had to be the loudest person in our section. (Leigh if you’re reading this, Ruth looks so much like you and has most of your mannerisms. It’s crazy!)

After the game the real adventure began. There were 29,000 ish people in a stadium that fits about 80-100,000 so you didn’t realize how many people were there until you tried to leave. Wow. It was seriously a sea of people. Most of the HDU kids got separated as we walked to the train station, only to meet up again and realize that we had no idea what platform to be on to get home. So we stood there, mouths a gape trying starring at the screens and trying to find the familiar Upfield train. Finally, Shane had the brilliant idea to tell everyone just to move and we’ll figure it out somewhere else. It was another shining moment of example for why dislike traveling in large groups of Americans. We stick out like a sore thumb and cannot be decisive. I think that’s part of what traveling in a foreign country is all about, making mistakes. Before I left I told Jenn, in reference to something else, that you need to be willing to make mistakes, because God uses those too. Nothing is beyond redemption. We cannot be so paralyzed by the fear of being wrong that we don’t move. Move towards a platform and get on a train, if it’s the wrong one, get off. Walk around and explore, and get back on a different train.

In many ways, I’m also trying to break away from the “heard mentality”. It’s hard to do things with a group our size because we insist on being close to one another. I’m not really sure why, but we insist anyway. It’s sort of funny to watch. For example during this train adventure, we finally got on a train only to have 15 of us try to shove into one car and consequently have to squash other people as we stood. Becky and I walked two cars forward instead of getting on with everyone else and ended up getting a seat, which was great for us because it gave us time to just sit. Or last night, when instead of trying to get everyone to come to our flat for games, we invited over one other flat and played catch phrase for two hours, laughing almost the entire time. I think group bonding is important for dynamics, which on the whole we are most definitely lacking, but you also need to have moments to move beyond the group and become more intimate with one another. I believe that communities are not built on shallow, surface bonds, but rather deep interpersonal bonds that stretch and connect everyone in. It’s like the ‘domino effect of love’ story that some of you have heard me tell.

I think I’m going to continue sitting outside for a while, reading in the sunshine.
I apologize once again for not having any pictures up. Shane and I hope to go the state library on Wed and use wireless to actually communicate with people at home. I may (*cross your fingers*) be on IM around 8pm Tuesday night your time. We’ll see what happens. I would love to talk to some of you *coughMattandJenncough*). Haha. I’ll also hopefully have some more news for all of you about the whereabouts of my three week vacation on Wednesday. Love you all.

Prayer Requests:
- Group and individual unity issues with the HDU kids
- Ability to move outside of our comfort zones
- Personal time for me

Friday, August 24, 2007

So I need a break from the slightly decreasing pile of work that’s in front of me. I still have a good 200 pages that I want to read but I also feel my eyes getting bleary. The city is a curse and a blessing at the same time. Classes are set up here so you meet once a week for three hours per class. I essentially have class Monday night, all day Tuesday, and Thursday morning and late evening (with a break in between), and then Wednesday is Independent Study Day. One would think that leaves tons of times to do the readings, but its not exactly the case. Because the city is there, 30-40 minutes away by train, tempting you in. I’ve already went for errands both yesterday and today. I love being there. We were asked to describe what our first impression was of the city for one of our classes and I said “It feels like home”. It feels like everything I’ve missed in Pittsburgh. It’s inviting. And I really need to start allotting myself more structured time to do my schoolwork so I can go there more. It’s also hard for me because I’m so used to just taking Saturday and hammering through all of my work at Houghton, but we will be traveling for one of my classes frequently on Saturdays, including tomorrow, so it doesn’t really work in the end.
Yesterday was grocery day. This is a big deal and an extravaganza with my flat. Mom has taught me too well to try to plan meals and stick to the list, which never happens, so we end up with all of this food that we don’t need. And then you need to carry it back to the bus stop in backpacks and green bags, and from the bus stop to the flat. This needs to cease. Haha. My poor back can’t take it much more. But we are learning to be creative with our limited food making skills. And I love the fact that everything is fresh, like garden or just baked or just killed fresh. You can taste the difference.
Anyway, back to the story, we went grocery shopping and had this fiasco where we had to run from the train station to the bus stop with all of this stuff and we were the last ones on with all of these groceries so we sat behind the bus driver who talked to us for the sheer fact that he was nice and we were American. Everyone seems so intrigued to talk to the Americans here. He was asking about our studies and what state in the US we were from and then started to ask us if we party on the weekends. He went on this huge speal about how the night club system works here and where to go and what he loved as a Uni student. I started to wonder if that is the rest of the world’s perception of American students, that all we do is party, because I feel as if that isn’t the case. Maybe it was a little more true at Pitt, but students still got there work done and were not drinking or drunk every waking hour of every day. From there I started to wonder through what false lenses I’ve viewed other countries, even ones I’ve been to. All too often our preconceived notions skew our interpretations of communities and individuals. What a shame. It’s like we’re missing out on who a person truly is.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

The rest of class

I absolutely love Life in the City. This is one of my Thursday classes. It’s essentially theology meet social justice work and then applying it. It is a class designed for me and my passions. More about that as the weeks progress.

Australian Lit – is going to be rough, but I’m excited to see how it shapes my thought process and my ability to articulate my deepest thoughts, the ones that you can only understand if you know me well and can look past what I’m actually saying to the true meaning.

Yesterday we spent the rest of the day shopping in Coburg (two train stops over) and running errands in the inner city about 40 minutes away. Today I’m just going to take the day to work through my school work and do some laundry and re-coup. I’m in need of some “me-time” and Friday seems like the perfect time to take it.

Prayer Requests:
Shane and I ran into a finical snag with planning our vacation so prayers about what to do or where to go would be great. Also lowered frustration levels with airports would be amazing Haha.

Learning to take time for myself more frequently.

Side Thought:
Why when is being a pastor or a theologian is it completely acceptable to be untrained? Does being a Christian in and of itself enough blessing and preparation to prepare you for these ministries?

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

In my element

And classes have begun! I finally feel back in my element – at least in part. I love learning. I could read and experience life and be in a classroom or sit over a cup of tea and learn something every time and then integrate it all. The ability to learn never ceases to amaze me, however it does have its down sides. Since I can see connections that aren’t always evident to others and express them differently, I feel misunderstood quit frequently. I’ve been told by both the Houghton prof and his wife that I need to back off the schoolwork. I’m not even exhorting myself. I’m just doing what I love to do for fun. This is how I’m stimulated. This is one of the ways that I see God. This does not mean that I haven’t had a lot of other experiences this week that have been God saturated, but I don’t think that we should tell people to seek out seeing God is a different way or to change their identity. I am a child of God first and foremost. But I am a child of God who among other things loves learning. We would never think of telling someone who likes to explore nature or build that they shouldn’t be experiencing God that way, so why is learning so looked down upon?
So classes…I’ve had four so far and two more today. Here is an overview of school up to this point.
Monday:
Engaging Australian Culture – apparently in years past HDU kids just took trips and kept a journal about it, but this year we are meeting once a week on Monday nights to have devotionals, hand in short papers about the previous weeks trips, and have cross-cultural training. We are going to have at least one trip every week, usually on the weekends, with this as well. This is the class that is going to challenge me the most. Looking over the lists there were a few things that are I’m not sure I can physically or emotionally do, and there is one that I know for sure that I cannot participate in. I’m trying to figure out what to do with that (and please pray for discernment as well) because I don’t want to close a door that God is opening, but I’ve also learned this summer that I need to take care of myself and honor clear boundaries, both physical and emotional ones.

Tuesday:
Most other people have a class on the book of Acts in the morning so that is really my time to communicate with people back home (especially my parents but a few of you just might be surprised. Haha.) and work through some homework
Australian History – In the afternoons all HDU students are required to take this course. It seems that we are going to be exploring history through both lecture and film. The class is being taught as both a theology and history course like History of Christianity I and II at Houghton. In fact Glen, the prof, reminds me a lot of Tyson just in the amount of knowledge that he knows. It’s amazing. And I had to giggle the first day of class because he started talking about places that we live in the states and theological connections to each area, one of which I had just written my term paper on last semester for Tyson.
Christianity and Postmodernism – This is the class that I wanted to take the most. And it looks like I will not be disappointed. The prof, Peter, is teaching this class for the first time so he’s sort of making it up as he goes, but we’re going to be watching “postmodern” films and visiting emerging churches. And he’s quoting a lot of McLaren and other books I’ve read which is great for me.
Wednesday:
Independent Study Day – some of you aren’t aware but Houghton has this funny class that everyone has to take for each major they are in called Senior Seminar (or various other things) which is in most cases a “what can you now do with your major” class. The religion department was the last to add this class and I’m the first graduating class where it is required. Although the department is running it a little differently and we have to actually study this huge corpus of material on a theological topic. This created some issues with me coming to Australia because a.) the class is only offered during the spring now and b.) it is mainly based on in class conversations. So Dr. Walters, the head of my department, had this idea where I take an independent study on the topic that will be taught next semester through the prof at Houghton (Dr. Case) who will be teaching it and I get the other religion students going to Australia to take the same independent study so we can work through it together. That means Shane. He is the only other religion student on this trip – really designed for social science and religion majors since that is the majority of what Kingsley offers. Okay, Shane and I can make that work, we normally talk about theology anyway. Then we got the topic from Case “The History, Doctrine, and Worship Implications of the Trinity in Conjunction to the Christian Faith” Needless to say it a hearty undertaking. We have six books, mostly to be read in 1-2 weeks and three papers that we don’t have the topics for yet. We decided to meet once a week to go over the material. Yesterday was our first day.

The reason we decided to go into the city is so we can just explore for part of the day and do the IS material for part of the day. Yesterday we worked our way through The Shadow of the Almighty which is an excellent book, for about three to four hours in King’s Botanical Gardens and then spent the rest of the day exploring. We ventured to the Shrine of Remembrance which is similar to the eternal flame in Russia. It is a flame set up in every town in a country in order to serve as a remembrance of those who died in World War II (which is referred to here not as World War II but by its dates). Then located behind the flame is a museum and sanctuary that you can go in to. I have been raised in a family that insists on seeing something historical on every vacation (I really think we are the only family who goes to museums and historical landmarks at the beach) but I’ve grown to appreciate that over time. Shane has been raised the same way so we both took a lot of time to work our way through the displays and take everything in. The thing about the Melbourne is that it is so spread out and so large that it is impractical to say that “we’ll just come back to it next week” because it means that you are going to miss something else. Therefore, you have to make each moment count. So we spent probably a good hour looking around. The thing that struck me the most was the huge plaque inside of the sanctuary, where people put flowers and wreaths to honor the fallen. It said “No greater love then this”. That floored me. What a different view of war then we have in the United States. We say that we are about protecting our country, but I would say that there relatively few wars we entered into without another motive, but the Australians see war as protection, as a sign of love.

We spent a large amount of time in the Botanical Garden as well, which is actually several gardens. It was interesting because as you moved from one section to the next you felt like you were in a completely different place. Where we sat down to do our IS work felt like fall, with leaves on the ground and these huge trees around us. Then we moved over into this pond section where everything was bright green and teaming with two of the most interesting birds I’ve seen (I wish blogger would start letting me post pictures). Next we went to a tea house beside a lake where ducks and fish that really looked like eels only with a fish head were co-existing together. Finally, we worked our way through the rain-forest section. What a way to see and experience nature! It also intrigued me because it is all maintained with very little water. Australia is in the middle of a several year drought so water conservation is a must, including facilities like this.

After we finished working our way through the weeks material for our study, we went to Evensong, an Anglican form of worship which is held daily at the church we attended on Sunday. Evensong is a form of Anglican worship where you read out of the book of common prayer and scripture lessons and pray for 45 minutes. We just started offering it at Houghton last year and it was one of the things I was upset to forfeit after leaving school. So it was a huge blessing to stumble upon this. We sort of botched our way through everything (the kneeling, standing, and sitting part) but we survived. One of the downsides was the study on the trinity has opened my eyes a lot to the ways that we address God and has made me semi- curious/ critical of how much the Holy Spirit is undermined in our daily lives and worship experiences. But more about that as my study progresses over the semester.

Following Evensong we embarked on an adventure to find food. It was around 6pm and neither of us had ate all day. We passed all of the American fast food restaurants and through China town for almost an hour before we stumbled upon this little ally that was full of restaurants. They are all sit down (which I really miss – the ability to just sit down and eat a meal with someone on a plate with silverware and feel civilized) and had their menus displayed outside and it was sort of like a market with everyone bantering to have you come into their establishment. One of the last places we walked by, close to 7pm was having this deal where you go an entrĂ©e and a desert or appetizer or salad for 25 Australian dollars, which is like 20 American. Wow. The best food I have EVER had. Hands down. Shane ordered Calamari, which came with a red wine sauce which blew us both away. For main courses I had amazing salmon that was charcoaled in a white wine and with a type of rice I had never seen before (it was yellow-ish) and then fresh, raw cucumbers were cut up around it. Then Shane had veal, which I didn’t try, but fantastic potatoes and then cooked broccoli which had been steamed with something on it. We’ve spent most of our time here trying to conserve money so it was time to splurge a little. We got over $100 worth of food for $60 Oh, the best part, I ordered chocolate pudding for dessert that was served as fondue, warm, with homemade ice cream. We had to wait close to 45 minutes for it but it was worth it. During our entire meal there was a fantastic guitar player playing cover songs right to our side. It was perfect. All I could say was “Welcome to Australia, Shane”.

After our meal we had an interesting time trying to find our way home, especially since neither of us knew how we had gotten there in the first place, but we made it to the state library before heading back to Kingsley. We’re not planning on splurging every Wednesday on food, but it was so nice just to relax during the day. I’ve had to explain myself to people a few times this trip, so it was great just to be in the presence of someone who I feel I owe no explanation to.

And now off to classes for the day – Life in the City and Australian Lit. Send me an email to let me know how you are doing!

Monday, August 20, 2007

Thoughts on Psalm 29

The voice of the Lord…

Thunders
Yet we yearn to hear it more clearly and louder

Is Powerful
Yet we doubt the strength of God

Is Majestic
Yet we treat it as commonplace

Strikes
Yet we only look for peace and solace in His presence

Shakes
Yet we want consistency

Twists and strips
Yet we look to the Lord not to change us, but to make us whole by our own standards.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Exploration

I’ve been blessed to grow up with many advantages – especially a heart for and means to travel. But in ways I feel like its made me more aware of why I hate being American and traveling with other Americans. I realize every culture has its flaws but we seem to portray this idea that everyone should get out of our way and we are free to do as we please. The crowning example of that came when we went to the Queen Victoria Market, which is sort of like place where we go to get candy at in Russia meets the Univarma. Only cleaner. Anyway, we were walking around this huge out door market and we were walking right in the middle of the isle taking our merry time. By we I really mean the girls I was traveling with. That’s so American to me and shows our need to be in control in a way. That probably doesn’t make any sense, but such are the vocalizations of my perceptions. I also feel like there has been way to much of an emphasis on shopping. I love to shop, but I’m a quick shopper. There isn’t really any browsing. I’m in out and moving on. But it seems like there is such an emphasis on this trip to buy. It’s the first week. Not even. I feel like such a shallow tourist and that’s not what this trip is about at all.
All of that being said, I had the most amazing day on Sunday. A small group of us went to the Anglican church, St. Paul’s. We left around 9am. Ten hours later, Shane, Bekah, and I came back from the city. The church service was amazing. In ways I miss high church liturgy. It captures this completely different cooperate nature behind the Church. And it also makes you be fully present before God with all of the movement and attraction to all of your senses – from the boy’s choir singing, to the incense, and movements throughout the entire church. It focuses on the reverence we should have for God which is missing in the “Jesus is my homeboy” culture.
Following the service we caught a tram to St. Kilda’s, a more artsy feeling part of Victoria. We had lunch at this amazing crepe stand and then walked by pastry shop after pastry shop. Each dessert stood before you begging to be consumed but at the same time looking like a piece of art wanting to be admired.
When we came back into the heart of Melbourne after lunch we attempted to find a more contemporary church service to attend in the afternoon, with no success. We were traveling in a group of five, and two girls broke off because they were getting tired, while Shane, Bekah and I set off to look at some of the churches and venture into a Botanical Garden. At each church there was a monument representing a station of the cross. At some point I would love to go visit all of the stations in order. It amazes me how few people attend the churches here in comparison to the number of churches. When we went to church today there were maybe 100 people inside of this massive sanctuary, which is a relatively large attendance for a church here.
The garden was phenomenal – it was spread out with so much to see. Shane and Bekah climbed trees, we went into a conservatory, amazing. When we left the garden after about 45 minutes to an hour we decided to just look around the city. I can’t even begin to describe everything we saw. It was nice to just go out and walk without any place to go or an agenda beyond exploration. It was a reminder to me that life has so much to teach you, if you’ll only let it carry you.

Prayer Requests:
- Classes start on Tuesday
- Shane and I start our IS on Wed – we both need prayer for the amount of work that is involved
- Finding a church home to serve at

Side Thought:
Some denominations don’t depict Judas as being present at the table for the last supper. What are the theological implications of his absence?

Friday, August 17, 2007

We're Here - and the jet lag sets in

Well its official. This is my first post from Down Under. I’m writing this on my computer in my internet-less flat the day of arrival in Australia, knowing full well that it will at least be Monday before it makes it into your internet realm.
I was really impressed how smoothly travel went on the way here. I sort of felt like I was going to Russia again with all of the layovers and hours dedicated to travel (close to 36 between car and bus rides, flying, and down time in airports). Only this time I didn’t have Brian or Jesse to follow. I’m so grateful for all of my prior travel experiences before coming here, especially Russia, because it has taught me some travel tips that are necessities and how to step up to the plate if need be.
After weaving my way through the long line of security at Pittsburgh, I met Ellen, the girl who I was booked to travel with from Messiah. She is extremely sweet and reminds me a lot of a mixture of Mel and Hannah (Dotts) in her looks and demeanor. We flew from Pittsburgh to Cinnci, Ohio and then from there to LA. I spent a lot of time reading and trying to sleep on both flights, both of which I failed at miserably, which would end up being the theme of this seemingly sleepless travel journey. In LA we had the joy of having to leave the terminal to try to find a different terminal with the Quantas (Aussie Airline) desk to check in and get boarding passes for the next leg of our journey. The only problem was that there were multiple Quantas desks in various locations and when we would ask where to go the standard response was “well it might be here”. About thiry minutes later we found the desk and ran into my roomie Rebekah and her travel buddy Amy in line. What a relief to see other Houghton students. After that I finally got to see Shane which was also a huge blessing. After much chatting, our group of HDU students began to grow as we moved towards our gate. Once there, few by few we all gathered to met some new people and greet some familiar faces.
Our flight to Melbourne was delayed between 40 minutes to an hour from leaving LA but we made up for it in the air. I got to sit between Ellen and this really sweet grandma like lady from Australia. She kept trying to take care of me. It was so nice. I think this was one of the first times I sat beside a stranger and didn’t totally panic. It probably helped that Shane was catty-corner in front of me, but I also see God’s hand at work trying to stretch me, even this early on in the trip.
I’m also feeling blessed in the whole group dynamic of this trip. Honestly, I’ve got to spend time with a wide variety of people instead of just the two or three people that I knew well before traveling. I’m looking forward to getting to know the people I count as friends and good acquaintances better through all of this, but for once I don’t feel completely overwhelmed with getting to know so many people at one time. For those of you who know me best you know that this has to be God at work.
Once landing in Australia we went through the joy of customs but it was totally worth it to see Dr. Walter’s smiling face waiting on the other side of the gate and to be greeted so warmly by TK’s (the professor we are here with) wife. We are now unpacked and in possession of some groceries for the week, although I’m in dire need of tea right now. The flats we are in are pretty comparable to the flats at Houghton only a little older. I’m sharing a room with Bekah Armbruster and Becky Kenote is also in our flat. We seem to get along well. We are all freezing right now though. It is soooo cold in our flat. It’s winter in Australia right now which means noting in comparison to Houghton winters, but it is warmer in the low 50 degree weather outside of our flat then inside of our flat. Haha.
And now we are getting ready to go and give Tucker (one of the non-Houghton kids on the trip) a birthday greeting. The Kettlekamps somehow got their hands on a cake, which is a feat in itself, and we’re all going to go sing before we crash from exhaustion. Actually Bekah is already asleep on the couch in the living room. Oh the beauty of jet lag – Judy all of the travel totally made me think of you however. Hehe.

Prayer Requests:
- Presence to be involved totally in the relationships here
- Wisdom to be involved and connected to the people back home (all of this adds up to communication)
- Wisdom with how to spend my free time here
- Sleep – would be amazing right about now
- Finding a church home where I can be well connected

Side thought:
I’m not entirely sure if I’m going to be able to do life updates and still have time to explore the complexity of my thoughts with you – but that does not mean that I’m not having these random thoughts worth exploring so I’d still like to share those with you without all of the explanation – which will inevitably make the confusing even more so, but…
Rob Bell made the statement that Love with/ flowing from an agenda isn’t love at all. Taking that statement to be true, is there any difference between having an agenda to love a person and having a reason to love a person?

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Here we go.
I'd appreciate your prayers.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

WORTHY

I just finished my internship for the summer. One of the last things that I had to do was design a training/ re-evaluation meeting for the youth group leaders at my church. While we were at the meeting a very interesting question was raised, What makes youth group different from any other event that your child is involved in? Today youth are going fifty different directions. I remembered back to when I was in youth group at my church and how I hated going. Loathed. But we'll get to why that was the case in a minute. So as we were brain storming for an answer to this question a lot of people were throwing out the obvious - teaching tool, way to get students connected to the church, etc. But my mind was tossing around a slightly different question What makes the CHURCH different? All summer I've been exploring this idea of LOVED. The idea that we are all loved, even if we can't always see it. We are first and foremost loved by Christ, but then we as Christians are to show others this love. LOVED has become my reminder to some special people in my life that I love them not for what they can do for me, but because of who they are - a child of God. It is also my self-reminder that I need to be showing this love and showing others what it means to be the BELOVED.
So I'm sitting in this meeting trying to figure out how the two questions and LOVED relate to one another and it struck me. Church is different because it is where you are told that you are WORTHY. Not because of how much money you make or what your house looks like or how big your family is but because you are a child of God. The same reasoning behind LOVED. Youth group, as an extension of the church, should be conveying this same message. That our students are WORTHY not because they can get a basketball through a hoop or for what grades they get on tests, but because they are precious in God's eyes. When the people in the congregation start to identity themselves as WORTHY and LOVED then their eyes are opened to see others in the same manner. And by worthy I'm not referring to arrogance that demands attention, but rather seeing yourself humbly and gratefully as a son or daughter of the King. A King who took what was worthless and sinful and made you whole and worthy by the price of his blood. THIS is the Family of God, reminding and affirming to each other who they truly are.
Unfortunately, that isn't the story in most churches today. I stated before that I loathed going to youth group. To be honest, it went beyond that. I hated going to Sunday School, church services, or any church event for that matter. At those events I was taunted and ridiculed and told that I wasn't beautiful. I was called names that no little girl should be called. And the lies that came from people who were supposed to be my brothers and sisters in Christ, clouded out any perception I had of WORTHY and LOVED. Years of damage were done because the church became just another place where we attacked other people because we forgot who we were in Christ's eyes and became insecure. WORTHY and LOVED don't leave room for insecurities that lead to the demeaning of others.
I think the church as a whole is also scared of the message of WORTHY and LOVED. In my almost twenty-one years of being raised in the church, I have never heard the message from the pulpit or in a class that I was worthy. More often then not we hear the salvation message preached time and time again. We are the scum of the earth who don't deserve God but he came and died for us anyway. Now we can go to heaven, but we still don't deserve him. This is true we don't DESERVE God, but that doesn't mean that Christ's blood doesn't have power to TRANSFORM us. I also do not, I repeat DO NOT, think God looks at us as the scum of the earth. I actually think God weeps when we see ourselves this way. In this messed up attempt to remind us how Holy God is we try to distance ourselves as the church even more from him by saying what crap we are. God doesn't need our man made ideals and distance to tell him how holy he is. When we live as Holy people it reflects a Holy God. When we praise God with not only our words but with actions of love. When we see what God sees, a WORTHY and LOVED people we will treat each other like that more, thus reflecting back to God. Seriously, what makes us think that the message that "you suck and deserve to burn in Hell, but Jesus over here will make you clean, but we'll still keep you in your place by reminding you that you suck" is attractive? Or that it's even the right message? People don't need to be told that, everyone already knows they aren't good enough. Christians and non-Christians alike. It's why we strive for success or dive into addictions, to try to escape the ever present idea in our mind that we are horrible. Isn't the true message "Christ died for you and you see this way you see yourself. That's NOT how he sees you at all. He wants you to return to him when you fall and apologize with a pure heart, but you cannot do anything to make God love you any less. His sacrifice has made you WORTHY and LOVED if only you can accept it"
As part of the Church, what do YOU stand for as an individual? Do you see yourself as WORTHY and LOVED? Or have you shied away from your identity? Do you then see others through the eyes that Christ sees you? Or are you one of the people silently killing your brother and sisters' souls? Are ready to rethink what makes the Church the Church? It's not rules that strive for holiness alone. It's the heartbeat of Christ showing that he is alive in our midst.
Just remember, YOU are WORTHY and LOVED. It's the brand mark on your soul.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Review Mirror Grace - Hosea 11:1-11

During the past year I had the privilege to travel a lot with a friend of mine around the North Eastern United States. We have spent countless hours racking up miles in my Ford Taurus. Normally, we enjoyed our time traveling but there were rare occasions where we would be come frustrated. While the average person gets overly aggravated at slow moving traffic or construction, we became irritated when we were driving the opposite direction of the sunset. There is nothing that dampers my spirit more then having to see God’s beauty out of a tiny mirror looking backwards. Yet, all too often this seems to be the preferred way of meeting God today. We pray to see God’s beauty and presence in front of us, but instead we spend too much time looking back.
Hosea is possibly one of the most romantic yet discarded love stories in the Bible. Hosea was a prophet who was given a strange direction by God – go and take a woman who he knew would be unfaithful as his wife. Okay, so at first glance it doesn’t seem that romantic, but it is…because it’s our story. The book of Hosea is God’s plea to us to cease being unfaithful to him. It’s a reminder of everything that he has done for us but more importantly shows us the beauty of what God is currently doing in our lives as well. Think about the person you love the most in this world. If you only love that individual for what they once did for you and continually live in the past you have a pretty poor relationship. Instead, we should wake up every morning and be in relationship with that person for whom they currently are. Love is in the current moment and not just the past. We need to take time not only to reflect on what God has done but search for what he is doing now. God is unchanging and so is his love towards us, but this doesn’t mean that our love for God and his love for us is not renewed every morning.
“When Israel was a child, I loved him.” Take a moment a substitute your name in for Israel. In the Old Testament, Israel was the name of the collective chosen people of God. Today, you and I are the still the chosen people of God, the new Israel, the new gathering of those who love God, if you will. When the Church, the collective body of Christ brought together because of the love of Christ, was brand new in the 1st CE AD, God loved her. When the Church approaches God with a renewed attitude everyday, He loves us. It goes beyond that, though. When Michelle was a child, God loved her enough to speak a plan over her life, to knit her in Dottie’s womb and to place reminders of his presence daily in her life, if she would only open up her eyes and see. God loves us each with the intensity that a mother loves her child, only wanting our love in return.
He loves us enough to call us out of the captivity that has taken a hold of our lives. When I was in Russia I helped at a young adult retreat, where the theme was victory in Christ. Here I got a whole new perspective on the things in life that hold us captive. We feel bound by guilt and imperfections. By addictions. By how we see ourselves. By how we have treated others. And somehow we become so caught up in the things that keep us captive that we cannot see God right in front of us yearning to set us free. Gomer, the woman who was taken as a wife by Hosea, was so imprisoned by prostitution that she didn’t see that Hosea wanted to set her free by loving her. God is calling us to exit out captivity like he called the Israelites out of their captivity in Egypt. He sees our need, and he meets us where we need him the most. More often then not in situations where we feel imprisoned we ask “where is God?” but maybe we need to be asking “are we letting God be God?” Are we looking at the extension of God’s grace in front of us or like Gomer are we not acknowledging that God is enormous enough to heal any wound and set us free from any captivity? Do we see the problem as being bigger then the Almighty Creator of the Universe? He created the stars, placed the sun the perfect distance from the earth, etc. Yet he can’t handle my problem. Are we moving away from God the more he is calling us by constantly trying to handle our problems on our own or we ask other people for help and advice before we ask God? The more he is extending his love towards us are we shying away, not seeing how the love of God can heal all wounds?
We need to look to verses 3 and 4 from the scripture lesson when we are blinded to God’s immense presence in front of us. “It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, I took them up in my arms; but they did not know that I healed them. I led them with cords of human kindness, with bands of love.” Another version says ‘But they don’t know or even care that it was I, the Lord God, who took care of them.’ Here is another one of those places where we need to substitute our names into the passage. It was God, the Creator and Sustainer of all that lives and moves and breathes that taught Michelle how to walk through life. This does not mean that God abandons us blindly stumble through life on our own. He took time to teach us how to walk like a loving parent teaches their children. And when we do stumble and fall God picks us up, and gently urges us to try again. What a better way to see the overpowering present love of God then when he picks us up when we fall?
I have been spending a lot of time talking to my close circle of friends about scars. Mostly because we all have them. Some of us have been physically hurt by others and ourselves. We have emotional wounds that no one can see but that hurt us everyday. One of the quotes that we’ve been exploring a lot is that God is in our scars. At first glance this seems to be saying that God caused our scars but really it is saying that God loves us so much that he is the healing agent in our wounds. He reaches deep inside of us, where it hurts the most, and brings wholeness if we’d only let him.
In verses 5-7 God is crying out of his discouragement towards his children. But this is where most people get caught. They forget to look in front of them to see God in the rising sun each day or at their wounds to see how God has brought about healing. They don’t see him as a daily presence in their lives. They are so blind they think God has abandoned them. This leads to complaining, a manifestation of our blindness of God in our lives. If we would look in front of us to see the grace we are given every day we really wouldn’t have a reason to complain.
We don’t look towards verse 8- 9 where God says he could never abandon us. We are marked with his love. We cannot out sin God’s grace. Like the lost Israelites or Gomar we need to return to God. Lying ourselves at his feet and thanking him from the depths of our hearts for the grace and countless blessings that he has lavished upon us. I think if we were honest with ourselves we would see that we could become closer to God. Intimacy always leaves rooms to grow closer and to see something new, just like there is always a new color or striking aspect of beauty in the sunset.

My friend Matt is a musician who is working on producing an album to speak to Christians. After a recent discussion where we were talking about not being able to outsin God’s grace Matt penned this song that I want to share with you.
(my apologies to Matt if you are reading this – I didn’t know what the revision of Lily ended up being so I used this.)

You said that’s a clever line
From a fake, romantic storyline
I must have got from a movie.
You don’t wanna talk about why
You lost the sparkle in your eyes
That I feel in love with as a kid
Lily, why you gotta beat yourself down,
You cry and cry ‘til you make no sound
And you call yourself names and dig into veins
But Lily, Jesus loves you just the same.

I wish there was a Christmas Island
Where we could all be friends
And only talk by laughing
And all the internal wars would end
And everything would feel like home
I wish I felt like home to you
But you’re so unhappy
You could be happy
I wish you were happy
Because everyone deserves to come back home.
Because Jesus loves you just the same.

If today you feel like God has abandoned you or unloved or unhappy, stop looking at God’s grace through the small mirror of recollection. Remember that you cannot outsin God’s grace for God’s divine love in so much stronger then any concept we have of God’s vengeance that binds us. Because Jesus loves you just the same. May you remember that in a new way everyday as you look afresh on what God is doing in your life.
Amen.