About Me

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My heart beats for love. I want to be different. I want to be who I am called to be. WORTHY and LOVED!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

"A person's a person"

The oft quoted line from Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who is "A person's a person no matter how small". As a person of smaller stature I love this quote - it is actually hanging on my wardrobe door in front of me as I type this. And as a person going into ministry this is my mantra. No matter what characteristics the world uses to tear people down, I want to have a ministry that points out the Beloved nature in others so that they know that they are worthy of the divine love that they are receiving, but perhaps don't recognize.

That being said, I think we also need to remember that a person's a person no matter how big. We live in a society that feeds off of celebrities - movie stars, sports figures, TV actors and actresses, musicians. If it is entertainment, we cling to it and live vicariously through others. But the thing is, that person is human and deserves to be treated as such. They are worth no more honor or glory then anyone else is another field. What if we celebrated everyone's talent equally? If we saw that the doctor, and actress, and student, and secretary, and clergy, and garbage collector all had talents and gifts that make them suited for their job and a blessing to the world? Would people start to actually feel loved? Would suicide rates decrease? Would we cease living in the rat race that is American culture, where everyone competes to get to the top or be the "best" (what even is the best?)? And how much time and energy could we save if we stopped following around people via the media and tabloids because we deem them to be special?

What life could we live if we fully embraced "a person's a person no matter what"

Monday, August 17, 2009

New Years Resolutions

New Years resolutions often are scratched within a month. Perhaps for some of us that is because the new year is not really new, so much as a continuation of a pervious commitment. For example, January is just a continuation of my current school year. Thus, it is better for me to think of the New Year as August, a time that is actually fresh and fertile ground for change.

As I ponder this, I realize that there are several small things that I want to commit to doing this coming year:
1.) Keep a day of complete Sabbath
2.) Have a time of worship and devotion once a day
3.) Be in an intentional attitude of prayer twice a day
4.) Make time for 20 minutes of Yoga at least 3 times a week

And there are some things that I would like to continue to do that are healthy for my entire being:
1.) Cook on a regular basis
2.) Have times of celebration with friends
3.) Get plenty of rest
4.) Be intentional about how school work is completed
5.) Be in weekly communication with those are dear to my heart but far away in terms of physical distance

Please help hold me to these commitments as I seek to live out Shalom.

Troubled

I was troubled by a situation that arose today. I was in a situation where I was asked to betray confidential information under the threat of not trusting my judgment. Thankfully, I was able to glean some wisdom from all of this.

First, we all have characteristics that trouble us about other people, pet peeves if you will. My chief one is inauthinticity. Or perhaps a better way to describe it is not being true to yourself meets gossiping about others to build yourself up. I have a very thin filter (if any) between my brain and my mouth, which often gets me in trouble, thus I do not necessarily advocate for saying everything you feel. But when I am around people who stifle themselves in order to keep up appearances I feel uneasy. I would rather have someone say something I totally don't agree with then to say something they don't believe in order to have people like them.

Two, it is not all or nothing with people. I made the comment today that I didn't want very dear friends of mine to be put on the list to be drivers for Drew. In return their character was questioned about other things that I had recommended them for. We live in a culture that ties everything to your character, even things that aren't even remotely part of your personality or demeanor. For example, there are people whom I love dearly who I would never let drive my car. In fact, there are only about three or four people outside of my immediate family who I would give keys to in full confidence. There is even one or two members of my own family who I wouldn't want to drive with, but that isn't because they are horrible people of questionable character. They have fantastic qualities, driving is just not at the top of the list. But we can't all be good at everything. We are not superhuman or demi-gods. We are flesh and blood with talents and gifts and faults and struggles.

Three, friendship does not trump rationality. I am very miraculous when it comes to getting to know people. It takes me quite a while, but in the long run it is worth it (I think at least). I get to know the totality of people - their strengths, weaknesses, struggles, fears, joys, etc. Personally, that helps me look inside of them and draw out their Belovedness. But it also forms bonds of loyalty. Once I am friends with someone I will defend them up and down and stand by them, no matter what. However, that does not mean that I put people in situations where I know they cannot handle the pressure or they could get hurt. I am rational. I want to build people up, not hold them out on their weaknesses. Far too often, in friendships, we look to make our friends do everything with us, even if it is something that we would never do, or something that the person doesn't thrive doing.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Sabbath

As I woke up this morning and went through my daily internet routine, I was disturbed by a large number of people's facebook statues. These people spoke of rising early to get work done, taking a brief break to go to church, and returning for more frantic work. It reminded me of a conversation I had with some of the people on the Taize trip about why people like to go to earlier church services - so they can "get on with their day".

This, my friends, is not Sabbath.

When I was in third grade I remember reading one of the Little House on the Prairie books that described Laura's disgust when she had with celebrating the Sabbath. She was upset because she couldn't play or read anything but the Bible. She had to sit and be quiet (which if you've ever read any of the Little House books you know that this i not within her character).

But I crave to go back to those days. Days that I only have slight inklings of. Days where the Sabbath was truly set apart as the Lord's Day, not the Lord's hour or the Lord's service. I've been thinking about how I would like to approach this coming school year, and I know one of the things I've been dwelling on is the celebration of the Sabbath. A day set apart for my renewal through worship. Why do we dismiss such a grand gift that God has blessed us with?

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Personal Legend

Recently, I finished reading The Alchemist, which I thought was amazing. While some pastors are speaking out against the book, I found that it enhanced my own view on my life and my calling.

"What is a personal calling? It is God's blessings, it is the path that God chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend."

There is so much that brings me enthusiasm: travel, care, preaching, the Eucharist, liturgy, massage, serving, teaching, The Hebrew Scriptures, yet I don't know how it all fits together for my personal legend. But I do know that part of my struggle with going into pastoral ministry in my particular denomination is a fear that there will not be room to let the Spirit of the Lord take me on a journey. For as I follow the Spirit, I am going onward in my personal legend.

I can look back and find joy in all parts of my life, even the dark areas, because I can see through the eyes viewing the past, that they were part of my legend. In the end of the book, after the main character had went through this whole long path to pursue his legend that brings him back to right where he left, he asks why he couldn't just have found the treasure first. He is told it is because he was being blessed with seeing the beauty of the world. Often we get so caught up in getting to the end of something that we forget about the beauty of the journey. What a shame. For our personal legend are not about the end, but about following the desire in our hearts that God has given us through all of our life.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Slowing Down

I have been praying to God this week after returning from France to help me slow down in life. And the last two days, this different pace came in an unexpected form. There was traffic on I-80 East as I was coming home from picking Shane up and dropping him off. In the traffic that was going less than 5mph at a time due to construction, I was able to find peace. Thanks be to God!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

A Change Will Do You Good

While I was in Denison and Taize I was able to spend some time reflecting on my first year of seminary. And the most striking thought is "wow, I have changed". Sometimes our human nature makes us fearful of change, when really, God shapes us through change. And perhaps change scares us because it is so much out of our control, as external forces meet internal forces we re-become.
When I first entered seminary I could not imagine using gender inclusive language. I actually thought I was going to fail out of seminary my first semester after our director of chapel spoke about using inclusive language in all we do - from worship to scholastic work - at Drew. Yet, now I speak inclusively without giving it much thought and I know that it was rocked my view of God and expanded it out of its previously limited box.
My views on some things theologically have also changed - including who should be ordained, what it means to be ordained, how we should approach the Bible, how the Hebrew Scriptures can be used, what the structure of the church looks like - you get the idea. Every area of my life was expanded.
Some people fear seminary saying that it takes away their faith, seminary has restored my faith in what the church can become. It was expanded my view of God exponentially. And it strengthens my faith in God's calling in my life. May the second year of seminary I now approach expand me just as much as the first. Amen.

Coming "Home"

I am having a hard time returning to life from Taize. The pace of my life is too fast. The day and a half turn around between Taize and Nashville for YASN made me sick. Literally. I miss praying three times a day and the blessing of my small group. TV is just too much for me, as are some sounds. I need to ease back into media. And life in the city. And the breadth and taste of food. Taize has changed me more than I could ever imagine. And I need time to reflect on that more so I can get back into society, even if I no longer want to be fully immersed.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Accidental Harmony

While sitting in the Taize church praying through chants three times a day, I was blessed to hear the accidental harmonies that slipped out. It is hard to believe that 4,000 people, some of whom cannot sing on their own, could produce that type of sound. It was breath-taking. Maybe that is what life is like, we live out our live fully, and when we come together we make beautiful harmony in community by being ourselves. Thoughts?

Questions of the Day

What does it mean to be "poor in heart?"

Holiness Pastor

I'm not sure that I am meant to be a holiness minister.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Take My Hand

I plead,
Lord, take me by the hand
and lead me where you want me to go.

Lord, take me by the hand
and place me on the path.

Lord, take me by the hand
and make me your hands to touch those alone

Lord, take me by the hand
and let me break bread to share.

Lord, take me by the hand
and use my hands to bring healing.

Lord, take me by the hand
and use me to speaking in a new way.

Lord, take me by the hand
and show me where I need to listen.

Lord, take me by the hand
and lead me where you want me to go.

And the Lord replies,
"But my child, I just want to sit with you for a while
And hold your hand."

Into the Reeds

Lord, I feel like Moses,
caught in the reeds,
waiting to be rescued.
But I know that the reeds are preparation for the wilderness
And part of the journey.

Lord, I feel like the younger brother,
taking that which is not yet mine
Racing, impatiently, ahead of your timing.
But I know that the pig stye is preparation for the celebration
And part of the journey.

Lord, I know you want to give me enough
and then some
Like the spare baskets of bread
And the extra manna sprinkled on the ground
But I'm fearful that I will lack preparation and sustenance
for the journey.

Rescue me from the reeds
Let me wait for your timing
Trust in your fruitful preparation
And put me on the path for the journey
In faith.

The Labyrinth

A flowing river
etched into a marble stone floor
made smooth by 800 years of pilgrim's feet and prayers.
Oh river of life
if only you could be as smooth as the marble.
When you flow evenly for far too long
a sharp curve comes from ahead
one we could neither anticipate or see.
Journey of faith
you brought so many joys as a child -
running, skipping, dancing, and laughing -
even around the curves.
Maybe that is why we are to have faith like a child
For even when we stay between the lines we are thrown off
By judging the specks in our neighbor's eye
or paying too much attention to the road ahead of him or her,
not watching our own path.
And we judge our walk of faith off of others
When God may call us each a different way
into the Heavenly center of rest