Death

A high school classmate recently took his life. As I sat back and have been reflecting on this experience, this single thought kept reoccurring: Death is more then the great equalizer - it puts everything into perspective, making things that seemed so important at the time trite.

I do not have many memories of this individual that stick out. But he was a true friend to a group of people I care deeply about, and I sense their grief across long stretches of distance. I worry about this group and pray that they find healing, within God's timing, for the action of their friend. One person from this group seems to particularly and publicly blame himself, wondering if his lack of being a "good friend" pushed this classmate and dear child of God to commit suicide.

Yet, I do have one memory. At high school prom - he and I helplessly watched as our respective dates attacked one another. I remember feeling sad for both he and I that we were caught in a situation that was not our fault or our battle to fight. That prom was one of the most intense and uncomfortable experiences of my high school career, but in the light of this classmates death, it means so little. A time that has somewhat defined my relationships with other people and has made me hesitant to be involved with others, seems like so little in the face of death.

I wish I could have told this classmate, that I felt his discomfort that night. That it was neither his nor my fault, even though we both blamed ourselves. And I wish that he could see how deeply his circle of friends cared for him, marked now by their unquenchable grief.

If only...