Troubled

I was troubled by a situation that arose today. I was in a situation where I was asked to betray confidential information under the threat of not trusting my judgment. Thankfully, I was able to glean some wisdom from all of this.

First, we all have characteristics that trouble us about other people, pet peeves if you will. My chief one is inauthinticity. Or perhaps a better way to describe it is not being true to yourself meets gossiping about others to build yourself up. I have a very thin filter (if any) between my brain and my mouth, which often gets me in trouble, thus I do not necessarily advocate for saying everything you feel. But when I am around people who stifle themselves in order to keep up appearances I feel uneasy. I would rather have someone say something I totally don't agree with then to say something they don't believe in order to have people like them.

Two, it is not all or nothing with people. I made the comment today that I didn't want very dear friends of mine to be put on the list to be drivers for Drew. In return their character was questioned about other things that I had recommended them for. We live in a culture that ties everything to your character, even things that aren't even remotely part of your personality or demeanor. For example, there are people whom I love dearly who I would never let drive my car. In fact, there are only about three or four people outside of my immediate family who I would give keys to in full confidence. There is even one or two members of my own family who I wouldn't want to drive with, but that isn't because they are horrible people of questionable character. They have fantastic qualities, driving is just not at the top of the list. But we can't all be good at everything. We are not superhuman or demi-gods. We are flesh and blood with talents and gifts and faults and struggles.

Three, friendship does not trump rationality. I am very miraculous when it comes to getting to know people. It takes me quite a while, but in the long run it is worth it (I think at least). I get to know the totality of people - their strengths, weaknesses, struggles, fears, joys, etc. Personally, that helps me look inside of them and draw out their Belovedness. But it also forms bonds of loyalty. Once I am friends with someone I will defend them up and down and stand by them, no matter what. However, that does not mean that I put people in situations where I know they cannot handle the pressure or they could get hurt. I am rational. I want to build people up, not hold them out on their weaknesses. Far too often, in friendships, we look to make our friends do everything with us, even if it is something that we would never do, or something that the person doesn't thrive doing.