Self-Examination - Psalm 51

There is a school yard game entitled “Who Stole the Cookie from the Cookie Jar” that goes something like this, one child accuses another from taking a cookie from the pretend cookie jar and then the accused says, “Who me?!” To which the group answers “Yes, you!” “Wasn’t me!” “Then who?”, in which another child is accused of stealing the pretend cookie.

It seems like a silly game, but isn’t that what we do in our adult lives as well? When we know that we have acted in a way that is contrary to the will of God, instead of examining our own hearts and asking for God’s forgiveness, we start to look around and draw attention away from ourselves in any way that we can, towards what we perceive to be the sin of someone else. 

The events leading up to Psalm 51 where a bit like that. David was not in the place that he should have been at the appointed time. In the season when other Kings were off in battle, he sent his troops off without him while he stayed behind. While there, he caught sight of woman bathing. Instead of looking away, he let his heart lust after her, to the point where he sent guard over to her home to bring her back to him. He impregnated her. 

What was a bad situation became worse as he tried to divert what he had done - covering it up so that no one would know. He sent for the woman’s husband, who was where he was supposed to be at the time, out in the field in battle. He tempted the man to sleep with his wife, thinking then he could cover up his wrong doing. Only men didn’t sleep with their wives until the battle was over, so David sent him back to battle with a note to the commander to position this man to make sure that he was killed in the midst of the fighting. David then took the dead man’s wife to be another one of his wives. 

But it wasn’t until the priest Nathan confronted David and told him the story of man who had stolen another man’s sheep, that he let his heart be broken open. David was so focused on trying to cover up his sin, running from it, ignoring it, that he never took time to reflect on what he had done and to ask God for forgiveness. 

This Psalm is that moment for him. The moment of crying out to God for cleaning and mercy. All too often, we want to hide the truth of how we have sinned even from ourselves. So we keep ourselves busy, thinking that if we don’t have to slow down, then we won’t need to consider what we’ve done. It’s like we think that we can outrun the guilt.

Or we think that if no one else recognizes the sin in our heart, then it must not exist. We get preoccupied with how we look to other people, what they think about us, how righteous we appear, when really we are shattered on the inside. 

We need a space in our lives for self-examination. Sometimes other people help us enter into that space, as Nathan did with King David. But we need space in our lives to pray that God break open our hard hearts and help us set aside all that has been distracting us, so we can confess the sin in our lives and in our hearts. 

The truth is we cannot confess that which we do not see. We need to be aware of the sin in our lives in order to acknowledge it and ask for God’s forgiveness. Enter self-examination. The spiritual practice of self-examination is paying close attention. Paying attention to those places in our lives where we need mercy, where we need to be washed anew, and cleansed of our sin. 

And friends, if we are honest, sometimes self-examination is painful. It’s why we get so caught up in our routines and keep so busy that we do not have time to examine ourselves. If left to our own devices, we would rather not do it. We would rather hide, like Adam and Eve did in the garden so long ago, or play the metaphorical game of “Who Stole the Cookie from the Cookie Jar” - pointing a finger at anyone but ourselves, telling others that they need to confess, all the while avoiding confession ourselves. 

In order to place ourselves in an attitude of self-examination we need to realize three things. First, we can never earn or deserve God’s love, instead it is freely given to us as a gift through Jesus Christ that we need to accept. Sometimes part of that running away from confession problem, is trying to rack up “good points” with God. We think if we do enough good in the world, then it cancels out our sin. Now, I am a big fan of us loving our neighbors, as Jesus said that this was part of the greatest commandment, and John Wesley even made it into one of the three simple rules that we have to guide our lives as United Methodist - do good always, but trying to prove we are a good person is not the point. The point is allowing the saving love of Jesus Christ to transform us. 

King David was known as a man after God’s own heart, but that didn’t excuse him for the way that he acted or the sin that he committed against God and his neighbor. The good did not cancel out the bad, like an ethical math equation. Sin is sin. There is no sin that is worse than another and when we sin, we need God’s grace which comes to us through Jesus Christ. Not by our own works. It is only God that can cleanse our heart of sin, not all of the good that we do in the world. 

Second, we are all sinners. Rev. Adam Hamilton had an interesting sermon over Advent where he essentially said that if anyone considers themselves to be perfect to come and let him know, because he would love to learn from them. We, ourselves, are not perfect. In another sermon at Providence Church in TN the guest preacher asked if anyone consider themselves to never screw up, to be completely free of sin, and you could hear the chuckled through the audience. Why did they laugh? Because they acknowledge that even on their Christian walk, we still screw up. Why? Because we human, we are a fallen people.

Until we acknowledge that we are sinners, fallen, and need of God’s grace, it’s really difficult to confess. That’s when we slip into the temptation of looking at the people around us and saying things, aloud or in our hearts, like “I’m so glad I’m not as bad as a sinner as them.” Not true. Sin is sin and we are all in need of the forgiveness of the cross, every single day of our lives. 

Third, God examines our hearts. Psalm 139 is one of my favorite Psalms, which was referenced in our call to worship this morning. It essentially says that there is no place where we can go where we are outside of the presence of God. Friends, God looks into our hearts and wants to free us from the baggage and sin that we are carrying there, but we need to continually hand our hearts over to God, because all too often we snatch them back. 

It is the Holy Spirit that allows us to engage in this discipline of self-examination, and really its something that we should be doing daily. It’s not just examination for examination’s sake, rather its a space to ask for God’s forgiveness. To look closely and see the sin and the unforgiveness that has taken root. 

So that’s what we are going to do this morning. I would invite you to flip your bulletin over and you will see a space for reflection on the back today. I want you to take just a few seconds and write down one sin that you want to hand over to God this day. One area in your life where you are in need of confession. Now this is for your eyes only, no one else’s. Now I want us to pray together over that sin, asking that God cleanse us. Would you join me in the prayer that is printed on the back of your bulletin…. Amen.