Christmas Worship

Since August the Worship Committee at church has been batting around the question of what to do about Christmas being on a Sunday. Do we have both a Christmas Eve and Sunday service? Do we just have one? What times will they be? The list goes on and on. Their questions were accompanied by those in the congregation - do we really need two services? Will I be willing to go to two services? How will a service on Christmas disrupt my family's traditions. Amongst all of the questions and proposed answers, very little thought was given to my family's traditions, or what shifting services and times would mean for me as the pastor. Including any thought really by myself. I simply do what I need to do as the Pastor, which includes leading worship. My philosophy was even if we elected to not have a service on Sunday I still needed to be here, prepared, incase any visitors showed up, as our sign out front said that we would have service.

But today, on Christmas Eve, it really hit me what family traditions are being given up entirely or shifted around to accommodate me. This is the first Christmas Eve, ever, that I will not make it to my home church's Candle Light service. Last year, I wasn't able to be there for the whole thing, but I was there for sermon and the lighting of the candles - driving over after the service at the church I serve. This is the first Christmas Eve that my family - mom, dad, and brothers - will not be unwrapping gifts from one another following that service. I'm actually not entirely sure when that will take place now. Tomorrow will be the first Christmas my brothers and I do not watch A Charlie Brown's Christmas together prior to opening gifts. It will also be the first time we do not open gifts in the morning, followed by an early afternoon meal. Everything has changed. No tradition really has remained untouched.

As someone deeply rooted in tradition, that is upsetting. Some of these events are amongst my favorite child hood memories. But times have changed, and my vocation does not allow me to be present on some of the days that matter most as a family. Thankfully, my family has shifted what we are doing, and will continue to do so in the coming years as I prepare to move farther away. But that doesn't mean that I do not mourn what is changing.

Truly, a lot is changing. Christmas doesn't entirely feel like Christmas this year. The only decorations I have in the house are a stocking for Marty and a window cling Christmas tree on the front window. Instead of wrapping presents I have been packing boxes, leaving the house feeling empty. Instead of baking I have been eating out, as I am trying to limit the amount of grocery items I buy before the move. The themes of Advent - preparing and waiting - have taken on a whole new meaning in the midst of moving. But coupled with the loss of traditions and perhaps even the lack of snow on the ground, I just am not in the Christmas spirit.

I raed an article this week posted by another of my clergy friends, about this lack of spirit. This lack of tradition and re-rooting on one's life that comes with being a clergy. While I cognitively knew that going into this call, I did not feel it until this year, a year when many clergy are feeling the strain between tradition and expectation of the call. I would encourage you, next time you are thinking about all of the things that you have to give up to go to Church on Sunday (Christmas Day) or what you will need to shit around that you think about the clergy and what this means for them, as well. For accepting the call and loving the job, does not mean that at times, we do not struggle with the same questions as well.