Relationships

Recently I finished reading The Five Love Languages for Singles by Gary Chapman. The chapter that impacted me the most was entitled "Should Love Lead to Marriage?". Chapman, in this selection, described the seven main reasons (and I would add goals) to a marriage are: companionship, sex, love, to provide a home for children, social acceptance, economic advantage, and security. As I continued to read I was struck by the idea that some of these very much apply to all relationships of any depth, not just marriage.

Especially social unity.

Social unity in our culture is such a deceptive thing. Some where along the way we became creatures who aim to please others. In other words we are willing to change ourselves in order to appease others. (See my blog entry on 27 Dresses). We've taken social unity which as Chapman puts it "Do you hold enough in common that you can grow together?" Here, I feel he has hit the nail on the head.

Growth.

But we have substituted growth for commonality that may or may not be authentic.

I've been thinking a bit about the reasons why some of the relationships I treaured the most in high school no longer are important to me. It's because we have drifted apart interest wise and our interests were the only thing holding us together.
The more I thought about changing interests and how they can shatter a "good" friendship, I realize that these relationships might not have been friendships at all. If we only function because we have things in common, that seems more like an aquitanceship to me. Especially when we desire to lock people into what we precieve their interests to be so that we can continue to have stability in the relationship.

Stability and growth don't really conicide.

What is the foundation of our friendships? Is it that we like the same things - same type of movies, music, activities. Same type of food? I think we need to start asking ourselves, if I found out that all of my friends likes weren't real, but existed only to please me, what would be left in our relationship?

Isn't this why so many marriages fail today? We marry for commonality instead of growth? And someday, like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride, our mate wakes up and realizes that they don't have any gunuine likes of their own, because they were just trying to create a common basis with you?

I think about my seven closest friends now, and I see how diverse we all are in our interests. And I love that. Because it shows me that we aren't just friends for what we like or dislike. We have this beautiful depth to our relationship that constitutes true friendship. We can talk about more then what we like or what we are struggling with. We can talk about faith and beauty and truth. And most importantly, we are growing together. We embrace each other as ever evolving and our love isn't limited to the memories of who we were, which all too often make people live in the past.

Are you being allowed to grow in your friendships?