Observing Vs. Participating

I'm currently reading Henri Nouwen's The Return of the Prodigal Son. One line the particularly caught my attention reads "He [the elder son from the arable of the prodigal son] is, without any doubt the main observer of the younger son's homecoming."

I've never really associated the word "observer" with the resentment of the elder son towards both the younger son and his father's acceptance and embrace of his brother. But how much does that word really characterize a basic flaw in our relationships that emerges when we observer instead of participate i the lives of others.

When we watch others from a distance instead of engaging with them. When we find out about their lives from facebook or second hand chit-chat instead of talking to them. It is in these moments when we refuse to participate in the full embrace of relationships, we fall into the trap of the elder son. For observing others can lead to nothing but criticizing. And if we are not participating in each others lives, such critiquing even if meant to be a heart-felt critique comes across as an attack.

In applying this to my own life, I can see how this has presented in my life. I remember a friend telling me that he was always watching out for me and asking about me to others during a rough patch that we were experiencing. But to me, his words brought little solace. Because he was no longer participating in my life, he was just watching it from a distance and telling me how I was living it wrong.

I've also always struggled with accepting criticism, but over the past few months, I see that comments with a critical bent from those who are present in my life mean more and are taken more kindly then those from people making comments based off of what they think they see from a distance.

So may we be challenged, to not be like the elder son, observing our brothers (and sisters) from afar and judging them critically. May we instead be like the Father, engaged in the lives of those around us, inviting everyone home.