Almost There

Here we are at the end of the semester, and I'm ready to go home. Jesse spoke this word of wisdom into my life today when he said that the last 10% of anything (especially trips) is the hardest. I agree. I feel like we are all beginning to get on each other's last nerves, which is why it was great for me to get away for a few days to Jesse's.

I've been thinking a lot about community and family. I tend to not assimilate the two words, although some would argue that I do. Community, in its truest sense, is relationship, but family is this whole other thing, an intimacy that community can lack without being faulted all the time.

The other day we had our "Thanksgiving Feast" with HDU and the Australians and TK made the comment that we are family. No, we most certainly are not. I've had a really rough couple of weeks for this very long and complex reason and I can't share that with anyone here, well with one very large and obvious exception because I don't have that intimacy with people here, and quite honestly I don't want it if its what it appears to be. I hate shallow, yet that seems to be the goal of Houghton as a whole. Have as many friends as you can and then claim to have the support that a family offers. No. I refuse. Community is not the same as family.

Family is all up in each others business and has a right to be. Family loves unconditionally. Family helps shape who you are with Love and Truth and speaks worth into your life doing so. I realize that this isn't everyone's family, but it's mine, and thus I read it into the word family.

Friendships come in various shapes, forms, and sizes, the dearest for me of which is family. Someone who knows your heartbeat, sees your strengths and weaknesses, and loves you because God loves you. So no, this program isn't my family and I'm ready to go home to my real family, both biological and extended network of friends who care. I'm ready to go back to reality. I'm ready to go back where I can be loved for who I am and challenged towards who I should be instead of living in other people's false expectations that have done nothing but crush me this semester. It's time to go back to LOVE