Vacation and Sabbath

          I spent the first two and a half days of vacation this past week. Sleeping. A lot. I commented to a friend that I didn’t realize how tried I was until I actually stopped. As I unpacked my bags, I also found that I had packed very poorly (which isn’t like me at all). It also took me about that length of time to unwind from work - to stop thinking about the emails and voicemails piling up, and to simply be. 

We all have a different way that we vacation. For me, vacation needs to be primarily resting, though I do try to make some plans along the way. After spending time in bed, I did go to my favorite place, NYC, for time with family and friends. And while in the City I was blessed to spend a large portion of a day simply walking through Central Park, enjoying the ability to watch people, experience culture, and take in the beautiful outdoors. I know other people who like to see and do and experience as much as possible on vacation, but I like to simply be.

Perhaps my desire and need for a restful vacation can be found in my lack of rest throughout most days. I recently finished reading a wonderful book Sabbath in the Suburbs, in which the author MaryAnn McKibben Dana made the statement that our calendars are spiritual documents - they are statements of faith and speak of what we place importance on. And sadly, I have not been placing much importance on my time with God or self-care. I use iCal, which allows for color coded calendars all displayed together - yellow is Sabbath and personal time. Green is work, Pink is work meetings. Purple is prayer requests for others and upcoming visitations. Red is important. There is very little yellow in the sea of other colors and each day seems to be filled to capacity, which doesn’t even include the accompanying to-do list of items not on the calendar.

I don’t say this to evoke pity or to brag about being busy (when did being busy become an honor?). Rather to lament, publicly, about my inability to put God first, even as a pastor. Sabbath often gets pushed aside or forgotten. Or synonyms with “day off” which it is not. “Days off” are for errands. “Sabbath” is for simply being in the presence of God. On a recent “Sabbath” I went to a friends baby’s birthday party. It was a great day, but as I was driving home, feeling exhausted, I realized that it wasn’t Sabbath for me. I need to be restful in the presence of family and a few friends on Sabbath. Do the things I love and that reveal God to me. As nice as the party was, it was so many people and doing so many things to prepare, that it was simply a day off. A distinction that is often overlooked.

Sabbath is something different to each person who practices it because we all approach our relationship to the Holy differently. For me, the Sabbath needs to be a time of intentionally saying “yes” to God, and “yes” to my body’s needs. Its my time to let go and simply be. But when I reject it, or cannot practice it, when I try to control my life through the calendar all the time, I get so worn down that I don’t even realize it until I hit the point of exhaustion. I want to try to be more intentional about having a weekly Sabbath every week, and working toward having an additional day off so those activities and needs don’t crowd the Sabbath. I need time to play and have fun and simply be. Because 4 weeks of vacation will not sustain me the rest of the year. A time to be reminded that there will always be more things to do, more work to be done, but that this is our gift from God to simply be in the presence of the Divine and appreciate the Holy. For if we do not practice it even once a week, how can we live a life focused on God?