Random Thoughts

       Random Thought #1 - Several times over the last few weeks I have had friends and colleagues comment about how well I pay attention. Usually it is in reference to remembering details - remembering what they said they would be doing that day even though they mentioned it last week, remembering the decisions we made at a meeting a month and a half ago, remembering obscure details about people or situations. I remember odd things, little things. Details. Dates. Decisions. As I sat down to think about why this could be, I realized its because details are based on paying attention to another person and what they are saying. To be in relationship with them, even if it is just for a moment, and it becomes deeply imbedded in my brain. I also am a person who learns best, not by experiencing, but by reading or hearing. But paying attention is also a curse in some ways because I want other people to be able to remember things, too. I want people to remember important things I tell them (when really those things may be important to me, but not them). And I want other people to remember decisions we made at meetings and what they are supposed to be doing between one meeting and the next. So this leads me to ponder, how can we live into our blessings while not imposing them on others as expectations?

Random Thought #2 - My continuing education class last weekend was hard, particularly because the topic is about things that are important to me. Things that have shaped who I am. Things that I have experienced. And it drove me crazy that the presenter, someone who did not have these experiences made assumptions and vague statements that seemed condemning at best and invalidity my experience at worst. Example: we were talking about self-care. For me this is the topic that never goes away and everyone insist on bringing up. Is it important? Most certainly. Do I need to hear about it at every continuing education event or meeting I go to? No. Further, to have someone who is not a clergy person tell me how a clergy person should do their job does not sit well with me. This is one of the few professions (along with teaching) where everyone feels that they are free to tell you what you should do and how you should do it, which is not helpful. If anything its demeaning. Its completely different when someone who is in the profession corrects you or shows you signs to watch out for. They’ve been there. They are living the reality with you. Further, the presenter not so subtly said that women need to take care of themselves more than men in this profession. And that did not sit well with me. We all need to take care of ourselves, it is not gender specific or exclusive. This is only one example of some of the assumptions and statements that made me unhappy.

Random Thought #3 - Why can’t people seem to communicate better? I am most often accused of being blunt when it comes to communicating, which is very true. But my blunt and honest nature often makes me unable to understand those who skirt topics or don’t say what they mean. Or people who refuse to communicate what they need out of fear of hurting another person. Or fear of being rejected themselves. Is it possible that we actually model for others how to communicate poorly? How can we learn to be honest with ourselves and each other and find freedom in honest conversation upheld by integrity.