Experiment of Sorts

I had to giggle the other day in Pastoral Formation when the comment was made that we cannot change others by being kind to them. This comment was in response to the simple rule "do no harm". If we changed the negation to a positive statement, I believe it would read something like "be life affirming". In other words do and say only things that bring (and better) life to another. Psychology has had some really simple but impactful experiments over the years. One was based on an individual similing direcly at another person. In most cases, the person being smiled at, smiled back. This wasn't just a mirror of action either, it brought about an elevated mood in the person being smiled at.

Since coming to Drew I have been very inentional about two things: not saying anything in private about a person I wouldn't say to their face (ie not gossiping) and giving people compliments. All too often I found myself praising someone outside of their presence, but these words of encouragment needed to be spoken directly to people. And something started to happen, when I would genuinely praise people for well thought out ideas, stepping up to a role of leadership, for an ability, or even a comment made in class, they praised me back. Even if it was contrary to their nature. This isn't an experiment to manipulate people, it is more of an observation of how we impact each other, or a reflection on something that I was doing.

Now here is why I had to giggle, the people raising the objection that people cannot be impacted or changed by sincere kindness, are the same people who have increased heart felt and well thought out compliments to myself, as well as other people, after I spoke words of life to them. God's grace and love, exits us, and changes people. A lot more then we give the Holy Godhead credit for...