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My heart beats for love. I want to be different. I want to be who I am called to be. WORTHY and LOVED!

Monday, July 18, 2016

#healthypastor - Relationships

   At annual conference this year we heard a wonderful sermon during the ordination service that made a great point - even the lone ranger wasn't actually alone. He had a side kick. He partnered with different agencies and local people. Yet, far too many pastors take pride in a different definition of being a lone pastor - actually being alone.
   We are made for relationships. It's in how God created us. For those who know me best, they know I'm an introvert. Sometimes I need to be alone for a short period of time in order to recharge, but I also need people. I need my prayer partners and my spiritual director. I need to talk to my best friends and family. I need to interact with people.
   But pastors can have another problem if they don't embrace the "alone ranger" mentality, they can also swing too far the other way and thing that their congregation members are their confidants and friends. This can be dangerous for a few different reasons. I love everyone in my congregation, but if I start to treat some people differently, acting like friends to some but not to all, some people feel left out and a divide starts to form in the church. Second, if I look for people in the congregation to constantly be meeting my needs instead of me serving them, I'm on a quick slope to violating boundaries and ethics, even if we don't mean to. (Check out https://www.keepingoursacredtrust.org for more information and an informative training on this). Third, what happens when you leave? It is hard enough for pastors and congregations when there is a pastoral change - but what happens if they feel that they aren't just losing a pastor but losing a best friend? How will this possibly hinder the ministry of the person who is following you (who we always need to be thinking of as pastors).
    We need relationships. We are made for relationships. But they need to be healthy relationships - where we can be fully ourselves and not "pastor" and relationships that do not even appear to violate any boundaries.

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