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My heart beats for love. I want to be different. I want to be who I am called to be. WORTHY and LOVED!

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Safe Places

    Often in the church we talk about this being a safe place - a place where people can come for help and comfort and hospitality. But this week I've been reflecting on how it might not actually be all that safe for clergy.

    A lot has happened the last few weeks.
A book I contributed to was put out by an awesome editor who wanted to talk about some of the challenges young clergy face: http://www.amazon.com/Tell-Truth-Shame-Devil-Challenges/dp/1573128392/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1448481323&sr=1-1&keywords=tell+the+truth+shame+the+devil
and I was interviewed for an awesome pod cast: http://coffeepotfellowship.us

      But I keep asking myself am I going to get in trouble for speaking the truth? The truth of some of the things that have harmed me in ministry. The truth about some of the ways I've blundered or screwed up or have doubted decisions that I had to make.

     Often when I tell people I'm a pastor for the first time they have one of two reactions. The first is to shy away from me - as if I am going to start throwing the Bible at them. The second is to tell me that I have the best job because I work with nice people and don't have to put in that many hours. I would much rather deal with the first reaction. See the first reaction can be dispelled by people getting to know me, getting to trust me and realize that I don't go around quoting the Bible all the time or telling people they are sinners. But the second reaction... well that's a lot more troubling.

   Yes, yes I love my job. I think I have the best job in the entire world because I get to tell people about a God who loves them and see lives - personally and communally - changed by the grace of God. But I don't always deal with nice people. Sometimes I have people yell at me. Or unfounded accusations made or rumors start that I have no idea what the root is, but there isn't any truth to. Sometimes I have entire boards do very hurtful things based on rumors and not truth. And I can't do anything about it. Because these people - whoever they are and whatever mood they may be in - are the people I am called to love and serve. And serve many, many hours a week - not just Sundays and not just when they realize I am working. They don't know about all of the visits and calls to their brothers and sister in the church going through a hard time, the hours working with other local clergy to impact the community. The time praying for wisdom before writing sermons and devotionals. The countless hours at meeting doing administration - preparing for ministry to happen and flourish. The time reading to preschoolers and having story time on the porch so kids can hear the stories of faith.
The time overseeing staff and planning for worship. And I can't make them realize that unless they follow me around for a few days as my shadow, because so much of ministry is done one on one or with small groups, not in the public eye. So reaction two is really hard to dispel. And I don't even know if we are supposed to or are allowed to talk about all of the stress in ministry.

    In a large part it is our fault as clergy. We are supposed to be strong and create safe space for other people so in turn the church isn't always the safest space for us. But partially it is because of the system to, the system of clergy trying to one-up each other with hours. Or telling us that everything we hear needs to be a secret so we can't talk about anything that happens in church that troubles us. And that doesn't feel right. We create a place that isn't honest. We create a space that isn't safe if we don't have places to publicly put the truth out there. We are human. We hurt. And sometimes its the people we serve that can hurt us the most. We are human. We make mistakes. We doubt ourselves. And we need a safe space, too.

 

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