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My heart beats for love. I want to be different. I want to be who I am called to be. WORTHY and LOVED!

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Royal Wedding

It seems like everything causes controversy today.... including weddings - and especially royal ones. The chief issues I've heard expressed with the Royal Wedding of William and Kate this past week included the expense of the day, its extravogent nature, and improper timing in the face of tragedies around the world. But is there ever a time when people do not make these complaints? Somethings I think people just like to complain for the sake of bringing attention to themselves.
Was the wedding expensive? Of course. It qualified as a national holiday. However, Americans have no right to say that the royal couple should have given money to this cause or that in order to draw attention to it if they do not do so themselves. Let's be honest, we are the #1 most wasteful country in the world and are really good at ignoring the needs of our brothers and sisters. Why do we only bring up the plights of others when we want to deter attention from our own mis-deeds?
And maybe, just maybe, its okay for the ceremony to be extravagent in the face of international crises. Because sometimes we need to see something happy, something life giving, on the news and in our world in order to remind us that things are not quite so bleak.

Friday, April 29, 2011

The Journey to the Empty Tomb - John 20: 1-18

A cloud of sadness hung over the disciples of Jesus. Few had watched his death on the cross, but all knew of its graphic nature. Their teacher was gone. And they knew that if they were not careful they could suffer the same fate. A full day had passed, the Sabbath, but there was no resting for their grief stricken hearts. Before dawn came the next morning, Mary Magdalene set out to prepare Jesus’ body with spices. It was the least she could do for this one who had meant so much to her. So she gathered her supplies and headed to the tomb. But when she arrived the heavy stone sealing the tomb betheqethed to Jesus by Joseph of Arimathea had been removed. Mary couldn’t take time to look inside. Or maybe her heart feared what she would see if she would stoop down and look into the tomb. She took off sprinting, leaving what she had brought with her behind, until she found Simon Peter. She almost collapsed from grief and exhaustion into his arms, “The have taken the Lord, our Lord, out of the tomb. We do not know where they have laid him.”

Another disciple, the one whom Jesus loved, did not even look at each other to confirm their actions. They knew what they had to do. They took off running in the direction from which Mary came, leaving her behind. The disciple whom Jesus loved arrived first, and bent over, taking one step closer then Mary could bring herself to. He saw the neatly folded and rolled burial linens, but he could not bear to enter the small cave. Then Simon Peter arrived, and went one step further then the others – he entered the tomb.

The scriptures then has a paradoxical line for us today, “Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; for as yet they did not understand the scripture, that he must rise from the dead.” And the disciples went home, leaving Mary behind. Even the one whom Jesus loved, the one who was so close to him through his years of ministry, did not recall or understand the words of Jesus. He did not believe what Jesus had said, he believed that Mary was right – that someone had come and taken Jesus’ body away. It is as if he got a small glimpse of the picture, the tomb was empty, Jesus was gone, and jumped into his own rational conclusion. He saw what was before him with blinders that blocked the past teachings connection to the present reality. He was still asleep to the reality of what was taking place.

Mary also was asleep spiritually. She stood weeping outside of the tomb, by now catching up with the men who had ran in front of her. She still couldn’t bring herself to go into the tomb – what was the point? She knew what was facing her there and it was not what she was prepared to see. She wanted to do the only thing she could for her slayed Lord, and someone had denied her that opportunity. Not only had she faced his death, but now his fallen body wasn’t even present. So she wept. Finally, with tears still blocking her sight, she bent over and saw two angels in the tomb, sitting where Jesus once was. They looked at her with tender respect in their eyes and asked, “Woman, why are you weeping?”. She sputtered out that the Lord, the one whom she was looking for, had been taken away. As she turned around, she saw another man looking at her with this seemingly familiar compassion in his eyes. He too addressed her in terms of respect, care, and admiration, “Women, why are you weeping? Who are you looking for?” Mary once again gave her answer that caused her so much pain, her eyes unable to see who truly stood before her.

But then Jesus said but one word, “Mary!” and her eyes were opened. She exclaimed, “Teacher!” and ran to cling to Jesus. He then gave her the command to tell the disciples that Jesus had not yet ascended to God, but of course Mary could not explain this to the disciples without first proclaiming, “I have seen the Lord!”

Sight and hearing are two of the most commonly used human senses throughout scripture to explain the richness of the faith. People may be able to see with their physical eyes, but can they perceive with their hearts? People may be able to hear the scriptures, but do they hear and understand the voice of God? There seems to be a disconnect at times between sensually experiencing the physical world and its deep spiritual meaning.

Perhaps what brings about this chasm between the spiritual and the physically is our reliance on logic. We want things to make sense to us and often use our desire for neat answers to full our overall understanding. Take for instance the disciple whom Jesus loved. He was told that someone had taken Jesus’ body. He went to the tomb and saw the covering rolled away and the empty grave clothes where the body once was, so he logically settled on what he had been told. Jesus body had been taken. He believed someone else’s word. And he left thinking there were no other possible answers, and no need to stay.

Mary also believed that Jesus’ body had been taken, but she was persistent in her searching for it. She would not let go of the idea that she was not ready to just allow the body to be gone. So she asked everyone she saw if they had seen the body or taken the body. Her overarching persistence and reliance on the logic that someone had taken the body so whoever took it could return it, also made her blind. So blind in fact that she did not seemed phased at all by her encounter with the two angels. Did she recognize who they were? So blind that she didn’t recognize Jesus! – the very one whom she had come to pay respect to. It wasn’t until Jesus said her name, in that way that only Jesus could say it, that she recognized him.

Mary had to hear her own name in order to be able to see properly. In the words of Chris Tomlin, she rose when Christ called her name – no more sorrow, no more pain. And when she did hear and see all logic flew out the window. Logically, Jesus was dead, not only dead but mangled, and those who die that painfully do not come back to life. Further, Jesus didn’t bring himself down off the cross, didn’t save himself, so why would he be alive now? All rational thoughts about how or why escaped her as she gasped, “Rabbouni” and went to him. She didn’t need reason in order to believe what was right in front of her.

At the heart of Christianity is the peculiar and illogical belief that Jesus rose from the dead. It doesn’t make sense. We can understand cross dying on the cross, but our faith does not hinge on that fact alone. No, Christ is risen, which means Jesus is alive! We are the only religion to make the claim that one we stake our faith on, our very lives on, lived, died, and lived again. And because Jesus lives again, so can we – death does not have the final word over our lives because it did not have the final word of Christ’s. And this doesn’t make sense. Over the past centuries, Christians have turned to apologetics, or the art of making the seemingly irrational rational, to help people have their eyes opened to the truth in the resurrection. But I wonder if this is really how we will bring people to see the risen Lord? Because the chief tenant of our faith is also one of the greatest mysteries – it is not logical. But when Christ calls our name, our eyes are opened like those of Mary. Not by arguments or persuasion, but by hearing our name.

Have you heard Christ call your name today? Have you been awakened by it. As artist Matt Maher proclaims, “Christ is risen from the dead, we are one with him again, come awake, come awake, come arise up from the grave.” For many of us, the Easter story is simply that, a story. But when it is connected with the reality of the risen Christ calling our name, we are able to see and place our faith in the empty tomb. Jesus, the risen one, knows each of our names. He knows that sometimes we let our rational sides block us from hearing him. And he knows that sometimes, in the face of the great mystery of his risen body and the empty tomb, we really want to defend him with logical explanations. But what Jesus really wants are not our explanations, but our ears and hearts listening to the sweet call as Jesus says our names so we can see, even when our world is clouded with darkness. Listen. Can you hear him?

Monday, April 18, 2011

The Journey to Holy Week - Matthew 21: 1-11

Think back to a time in your past when you felt the stir of celebration coming. Perhaps it was on your birthday as a child, eagerly waiting for a party to celebrate your very existence. Or maybe it was an early Christmas morning, when you couldn’t sleep out as your mind raced about what you would find underneath the Christmas tree. Or when you were entering the sanctuary to be married or witnessed the birth of your first child. Milestones in our lives are a cause for celebration.

There are also times in our lives when being with the people we love, those whom we adore, is just as much of a cause of celebration. There is something almost magical about driving to see those whom have a special place in your heart or waiting at the airline arrival gate. When I was in college I often volunteered to shuttle people for airport runs – even with the nearest airport being close to an hour and a half from the small college town. The hardest trips for me were always the ones when I would have to say goodbye to my best friend, however, I would have uncontainable excitement each semester as I went to pick him up from the airport – to be reunited from our breaks for another period of adventure. Of course this is not to say that our entire friendship has been caught between extreme sadness or excitement – we are just two people traveling through life together, and probably have spent more time laughing and arguing then anything else. But there is something that is marked in our memories around hellos and goodbyes.

And is that not what Jesus is doing in our passage of scripture today? As he enters the gates of Jerusalem he is simultaneously saying hello and goodbye. He is greeted with shouts of acclaim and praise as he rode the donkey with her colt in trail. He was just given something so precious as the animals simply because he was the Rabbi and he needed them – no other questions asked. He was not even allowed to ride the donkey barebacked, as his disciples piled on their cloaks for him.

While this passage is chiefly thought of with Jesus as the subject, and rightly so, I wonder what has to be going through the disciples heads during this journey. Over the past three years it has never been mentioned that Jesus was treated like royalty in his presence. It was not noted that he rode any animals or traveled in any way that was distinct from the rest of them. His feet bore the same calluses and dust. But now, he is entering the gates of Jerusalem, a place he has been some time before, but is being treated like someone more than a Rabbi – he on his donkey is caught between the paradox of a pregnant woman and emerging King.

I also have to wonder about the crowds – if Jesus was not on the donkey would they have been so excited to see him? Would they still have gathered even if he simply walked through the city gates with his disciples? Or was the donkey necessary, for his own protection, as if the crowds would have crushed him if he was on his feet alone. Whatever the crowds motives they did come in hoards. They laid down their cloaks, for some all they had, so the donkey Jesus was riding on would not step hoof on average ground. They cut down tree branches and waved them before throwing them on the ground as well to be traipsed over. All the while shouting, “Hosanna! Blessed is the One who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna!”

Not everyone was as eager to be in the presence of Jesus, however, as he rode through the city gates. Our passages said, “The whole cit was stirred to its depths, demanding, ‘who is this?’” But the crowds are not counted as part of the whole city, for they are set apart in such a way that they can answer the question being posed. No the whole city, the wealthy, the leadership, the Roman Empire, and Jewish religious leaders were different from the crowd. Surely they had also heard of this Jesus and all that was being done through him in the name of God. But now something was different. Now he was riding through their town and receiving a hero’s welcome, which frightened them to their core. Like King Herod so many years ago they were more caught up with the idea of protecting what they had, their throne and power, instead of worshipping this one who the others were calling blessed.

So with all of these characters gathered around him – the disciples, the worshipping crowds, and the skeptical leaders, Jesus entered the gates. He was greeting the crowds with his very presence, but in his heart he knew that he was also saying goodbye – for by the end of the week he would die a criminal’s death.

We are entering the most Holy Week of the Christian Calendar today. For the next eight days we will walk the familiar road with Jesus. For many of us the road has become almost too familiar. We rush from the fanfare of Palm Sunday to the empty grave on Easter, never realizing what happens between these two bookmark celebrations, we never have a chance to mourn for Jesus and for ourselves or to listen to his agonizing goodbyes. For others of us, we are perpetually caught in the mood of Good Friday, refusing to celebrate what is to come. But Jesus is beckoning us to travel the entirety of this week, from Psalm Sunday through each of the days of his final week, calling us to be ever present to our emotions and self-examination.

For just as my friend and I could not live constantly between being reunited and saying goodbye – we, too, with Jesus must be in the mundane of ordinarily every day relationship. This week reminds us that we cannot only be in celebratory mode or in a perpetually state of sorrowful mourning. We cannot simply cry “Hosanna!” today and “Christ is Risen!” next week. Each day during this holy season of lent and especially this coming week, we are invited on a journey to the paradoxical familiar and yet unknown. We may know the stories, but have we internalized them, have we walked with them? We may know the right phrases to say, but have they become part of our every day lives? This is the week when we are reminded of why we are who we are and why we gather together to be the church. May we not take that task lightly. Otherwise we are simply living on the edges of what our faith could become. Amen.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Troubles Along the Way - Exodus 17: 1-7

Let’s take a moment to put ourselves in the mindset of the Israelites. They had escaped from the wrath of Egypt by the parting of the Red Sea. They no longer were slaves to a foreign government. They had been forgotten by God, and then remembered – but they don’t really know which was worse. When they were forgotten they thought that the saving hand of God would come down in one swift motion – they thought that there wouldn’t be anything required on their part. But being remembered by God – well that was a whole different scenario. Since being remembered they have had their work load increased, were visited by plagues, were promised freedom several times over only to have it denied in the end. And now, now they have been emancipated from Egypt only to be wandering the dessert. At times they wonder if Moses is really up to the task, is he the one leading them to any place other than their deaths? Their feet were sore, their bodies ached with hunger, and they felt as if they got nowhere each day – for how fast could a group their size really move?

God must be playing a large joke of them if this is the Divine’s idea of liberation and freedom. They started to wish that they would just have been forgotten forever. As they set down camp once again, at Refidim, they were met with another trial – there was no water. Who would lead them to an area where a substance so vital to life is absence. Even back in Egypt, being tortured, they were given water. But here, at God’s bidding, they had been lead to a place that could not support life, let alone the lives of so many weary travelers.

No one really remembers who the first person was to snap, but the next thing they know everyone is shouting at Moses, “Give us water!” they cried. “What can I really provide you with? Don’t yell at me! I’m just as thirsty as the rest of you!” Moses shouted back. Oh Moses, always trying to be optimistic, always trying to get the travelers to see God in each moment. He accused them of testing Yahweh, but could it be that Yahweh was testing them?

“Why would you take us from a place of punishment into barrenness!” the cries rose. “Surely we are going to die on this path you are leading us on! Our blood with be on your hands Moses! The cries of our thirsty children will echo through your ears! The animals will parish and so will we!”

Moses left with no reply for the people turned away and cried out to God, the Almighty One, the Deliver, “Why have you given me leadership over theses people! They are one step away from killing me out of anger.”

While Moses did not have an answer for the people, God had an answer for Moses. “Take some of the elders from among the people, and take the staff that has been used to show my power before, and strike the rock at Horev. When you strike it, water will gush out, and the people shall drink.”

Moses did as he was told, perhaps out of faith or maybe out of the depths of his despair that would make him willing to try anything. As the water started to flow and the people quenched their thirst, Moses renamed the area Testing and Quarrelling – for that is what he felt the people were doing – quarrelling with him and amongst themselves, and testing God by their unbelief.

Who was really being tested in this story – were the people testing God or was God testing the people? I don’t know about you, but when my basic needs are not met or times turn into ones of disappear, the last thought on my mind is about who is testing who – I just want to be saved.

I cannot imagine what it could be like to be the people of Israel – time after time met by seemingly impossibilities only to be delivered by God. On the one hand I want to question out loud how they failed to see God as the Provider and their Deliver – after all they had come this far. But, I also know in the moments of immediate need it is hard for me to remember what God has done for me in the past, because I am so wrapped up in the present moment.

And let’s be honest, their concern was real. Water is the primary need mentioned with the most frequency throughout scriptures. Water is the source of all life in its very conception and is that which sustains life until death. Without water, death is imminent. Of all of the basic needs, water has the most power – the potential to sweep people to their death or inhibit life from being. In our world today can we really grapple with what the Israelites were going through – facing crisis after crisis and finally arriving at the point where it seemed like they were going to parish. Would you quarrel with the one who lead you to this place as well?

At the same time, I feel for Moses in this passage. He is both a leader of the people and a middleman between God and the people. He has all power and no power at the same time. I can just see him throwing his hands up in the air and questioning where God was right now and how God was going to get him out of this mess before the people stoned him.

This story is also told in the book of Numbers in the 20th chapter. Interestingly, in that rendition of this narrative, the leaders are accused of not having faith in God, even though the people are the ones complaining. Yahweh goes as far as to say that the leaders unbelief would prohibit them from reaching the final destination on this journey, they will not be leading the people into the holy land.

Since we live in the land of abundance, it may be hard for us to grasp the life threatening nature of a lack of water. We turn on the facet and it is there. We walk through hallways and can find a fountain. Few of us probably even realize how much we use water each day. But perhaps we can relate to the dryness of our souls from a lack of spiritual watering. Those times when it seems like your cup is not only lacking an overflow, but it feels like there isn’t a drop at all. This is just as life threatening as a lack of physical water. And is just as likely to make us turn to God and cry out – “Why?”

But while the text calls this questioning of God testing, I am rather inclined to say that it is a mark of being in relationship with God. The people didn’t fall short because they questioned God or thought that God wouldn’t come through for them. No, the people stumbled when they looked to Moses for the answers instead of to God themselves. Instead of dropping to their knees in prayer, they turned to Moses to solve all of their problems. Are there times in your life that are comparable to those of the Israelites? Times of trials and troubles where you look everywhere, but to God to meet your need, to water your soul? We look to programming, books, music, worship, whatever we can except for God. Perhaps we are looking to those things to find God, but God can meet us in the moment of our trials through simple questions, such as “Why?” When we acknowledge that God has the capacity to provide we are inclined to ask for provision.

So what have you been asking God for lately? Have you been pleading for your dry spirit to be renewed? If you are in a place where you Spirit over flows are you praying for those in the community who may not be in the same place as you? Are you looking to God to meet your needs – in whatever way God sees fit – or are you looking for other answers, using God as a last resort? I pray that you remember that through all of your trials and troubles, God is waiting to answer your questions of “why” and meet our needs – if only we would dare to pray that the water gushes in abundance. Amen.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Just Because It's Dancing

... does not mean that it is child friendly.

The past few weeks I've been struck by how unaware parents and teachers are of what they are exposing the young minds in their care too. A few weekends ago I went to go see the Russian Ballet perform Romeo and Juliet. Now I'm not sure if the parents who brought their 3 and 4 year olds to the show didn't know the plot of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet - but child friendly is not a phrase I would use to describe it. As we were leaving the performance several of the parents were discussing the sex scene and how to explain it to their young children who were asking about the rolling around on the stage.

The next day Catherine and I went to see Billy Elliot where we played the game "who is the youngest person in the audience" - there was a five year old who definitely won. Grant it there was enough swearing to make even me uncomfortable at points in the show and the plot was very politically centered, but still there were school groups all over. How do these teachers and parents explain to their students/ children the political context that lead to the slaying of a Margaret Thatcher doll? Or why there was so much swearing?

Sometimes I wonder if people actually take time to review what they are exposing their children too. Let's be honest - Billy Elliot has been made into a movie, its one of the few Broadway cds to actually have a parental advisory label, and it has been playing long enough that there are many reviews and synopsis of the production in circulation on the Internet.
Romeo and Juliet is a classic that most of us read in 9th grade and was made into a very poor, but fair, modern film. You have no one to blame but yourselves for not doing a bit of quick research before exposing your child, and thus yourself, to lots of questionable material that brings about hard conversations and questions. I cannot even fathom what teacher's would have to be accountable for once words gets out about the show(s). All I could think was that dancing is not a synonym for child friendly. The cute little ballet our girls learn from the age of 3 on - is not the same as Broadway or professional ballet - both of which tend to be sexual in nature, at the least, and critiques of society at their best. Irony would have it that some of the same people who are pro-censorship do not even research what they expose their children to. Leading me to question: how do we expose children to culture while respecting their developmental age and those who are viewing the shows around them? And if we insist on trying to make the entire would child friendly, what does that say about those who have no interest in having children or are unable to do so?

Monday, April 4, 2011

John 9 - Feeling the Way Along the Path

We live in a world that wants to ascribe blame, in the form of sin, for people who are different then us. This difference may be in the form of a mark of differently abledness (previously called disabilities), or a different religious tradition. It may even be people who are going through a disaster. Author Anne Rice states, “We are frightened of what makes us different.”, but really we are frightened because other people’s differences remind us just how different each of us are as well.

In the beginning of today’s scripture passage we are met with a familiar situation – once again the disciples just aren’t getting it. They see a man who has been blind from birth and asked, “who sinned, this man or his parents that he was born blind?” Maybe we aren’t quite as blunt with our questions such as, “why is this happening?”, but at the root of our questions we are just as curious as the disciples – why did God cause this to happen to this person. If God is all good and all knowing, then God must be punishing someone for something. What is it?

But Jesus responds to the disciples’ questions, and our questions, in a profound way – no on has sinned, but this has happened that the work of God may be displayed through him. What a re-orientation to our modern uneasyiness with difference – being different brings glory to God! It is not sin that causes what we have labeled disabilities – because disabilities allow us to see God in a new way!

Then Jesus, with the craftsmanship of words that only he could possess, started playing around with the images of light and darkness – being blind and being able to see, saying, “as long as it is day, we must do the work of the one who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. But while in the world, I am the light of the world.”. Seeing and working and believing exist is this tangential relationship. And ironically, the disciples question shows that they are still in the dark.

I must admit, this is one of my least favorite healing stories of Jesus. It is one of the only ones where Jesus does not ask the man if he wants to be able to see. Perhaps this is because Jesus has set his inability to see up as a gift to be used for the glory of God. Perhaps Jesus just forgot to ask. But whatever the case, Jesus got messy with this healing. It was not as simple as touching someone and speaking healing into their life. No, he spit on to the ground and made mud from his saliva and then spread the mud over the eyes of the man. He then sent the man to wash in the pool – the pool whose name could be translated as sent. It’s like Jesus is teaching the disciples what it really means to live in the tension of seeing, working, and believing. This man had work to do before he could see. He had to believe that this man taking the messiness of life could bring light into his world for the first time.

Unfortunately, all is not well that ends well. This man’s healing turns into a public spectacle. Some people see him and wonder if he was the man who had begged outside of the city gate because of his blindness. Others thought that the man was never blind. But the man protested that he was the man who was once blind from birth. But now his eyes have been opened by this man Jesus.

The story goes on to a full out trial in front of the Pharisees, including this man’s parents attesting to the fact that yes, this was their son, and yes, he was born blind. And all the Pharisees have to say is that Jesus couldn’t possibly bring healing from God, because he didn’t honor the Sabbath. They aren’t able to rejoice with their brother in his healing because they were so caught up in labeling Jesus as a sinner. But my favorite line from this passage is in the man’s reply, “Whether he is a sinner or not, I do not know. One thing I do know. I was blind, but now I see!”

Oh how I wish that each of us could make that same exclamation – all I know is that I was blind, but now I see! But my fear is that we fall in line more with the disciples and the Pharisees – unable to admit our own blindness, which is really the first step. We are so caught up with deflecting our own insecurities by pointing out the difference in others, by labeling their sin in order to avoid looking at our own, that we miss the point that we are in need of Jesus’ healing and love as well.

Jesus answered the question about sin causing different-ness in a way that brought light and hope into the world – even those things that we are afraid of, those things that others use to label us and mock us, God redeems and transforms. God takes those desolate areas in our lives where light may never have entered and brings a sunrise. God took the areas were there wasn’t enough light for things to bloom and made a bed of flowers arise. If only we would acknowledge that we cannot see the light, while believing that the light still transforms ourselves and everything around us.

This season of lent is one where we are challenged to look into our lives and ask God to shine light on the dark places. Those dark places may be different for each of us, but the mere fact that they exist makes us human. We then repent of those areas of our lives and ask God to transform them, through the love of Jesus Christ. Lent is only 40 days long – a snippet out of the breadth and depth of our entire year. But I fear that for some of us it’s hard to even approach this self-examination for this brief period of time. It is just too painful. So out of that pain we look around us for others to judge ourselves by, stating, “well at least I’m not as bad as him or I don’t do what she does.” But when we do this, we are missing the beauty of what Jesus is trying to teach us and the healing that Jesus is trying to bring us through his grace.

While I wish that Jesus would have asked if the man desired to be healed from his blindness, I also find comfort in the fact that Jesus knew just what to heal him from. Because there are times in my life when I am so unattended to the dark areas in my life, that I wouldn’t even know to ask healing for them. So I find myself just stumbling along the path, trying to feel my way from one step to the next, all the while going down the wrong path because I can’t see.

Now is our opportunity to have our eyes opened and to have the blinding light of healing enter our lives. I pray that each day we can each become a little bit less like those who stand in the dark, asking questions about sin instead of those of healing and grace. I hope that we can have our eyes opened to the transforming power of God. And above all, I plead that we respond to the healing that God is offering us, even when it involves messiness and commands of being sent. Because healing is real work. But in that work we can find our belief strengthened and our sight restored. May it be so.