Challenge vs. Attack

This past week was rough in CPE. One of the aspects of the class part of our time is called IPG - Inter Personal Group. It is held twice a week for an hour. Thursday's IPG in short ended up being an attack on two of us, whom three other group members had a problem with concerning our personalities.

Seemingly since I came out of the womb I have had a problem with my mouth. It has been described several different ways. The three that I used the most were "shameless", "no filter between my brain and my mouth", and "brutally honest". But whatever you call it, I've been convicted recently that I really need to work on censoring myself, thinking before I speak, if you will, especially around people I don't know very well.

So what a better time to practice this skill then CPE, right, since one aspect of the course is a combined self-awareness and self-improvement. Apparently wrong. Three people in this group said they cannot not function and work on their goals, because of my goal. Now I see that this can be a conflict of interest, but I'm feeling hurt. More than hurt actually, disrespected.

Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I have a strong values system. Two of those values are honesty and not talking behind others backs. As I sat crying because of some of the things that were said during this session, I realized that I wasn't hurt as much by their perceptions, because not everyone can understand or accept others for who they are. It is a gift that must be opened and practiced. And it takes a long time to get there. I know that I'm different then a lot of people because I can appear to be an extrovert, but I am really an introvert. I also have been raised with a wonderful support system and have brought that system with me to CPE - as my friends and family can attest to as they walk this road with me. Even though I can really accurately described myself, and put all of my crap on the table at the beginning of CPE, but until you see it all in motion you can't really understand.

No, my bigger issue was the planning on this conversation. It lacked respectfulness. A few years ago, a friend and I made a pact. We won't say anything about anyone that we wouldn't say to their face. Here a conversation was planned behind our backs at a four hour lunch where all that was accomplished was complaining about us. What was planned was what they considered to be an intervention in order to challenge us. But really it was an attack. We were told why they didn't like us, why we need to change (because we're not going to make good pastors if we don't amongst other things), and then were told that we were expected to change. Now.

So what are your thoughts? What are the differences between challenging and attacking? And better yet, what does the church do a better job of?